Compiled for your enjoyment, here are the 15 funniest tweets of this week. If you’re not following these characters already, make it happen. Otherwise you’ll be missing out on some of the most clever and hilarious minds on Twitter.
Interesting paper towel design pic.twitter.com/IwG9GauoJY— Thoughtter (@ThoughtOtter) September 24, 2014
[ants at a Def Leppard concert]— pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 23, 2014
*Pour Some Sugar on Me starts*
Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one
Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen
[CSI at Starbucks]— Terry F (@daemonic3) September 22, 2014
“Ma'am you’ve been robbed. Suspect is at large.”
Barista: At what?
OMG HOW AWFUL!!!
[commercial for Facebook]— Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) September 22, 2014
*man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars*
“Don’t you wish there were a better way?”
“WELCOME TO THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA— BeardSpice (@BeardSpice) September 24, 2014
"SUCH A LOVELY PLACE
"SUCH A LOVELY FACE
can you just
"PLENTY OF ROOM AT THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA
CATS: We got a lifetime of naps and belly rubs. What about you?— the hippo account (@InternetHippo) September 21, 2014
HUMANS: Superior intellect
C: Cool what’s it for?
H: Math and feeling bad
why does mommy cry when she cuts onions?— brent (@murrman5) September 23, 2014
"she feels guilty cuz she stole them. see *lifts son onto lap* your mother likes to steal onions”
“I hate to break this to you but,” *does devastatingly concise and well thought-out breakdance routine explaining he wants a divorce*— Grego (@GrowlyGrego) September 20, 2014
*takes sip of drink*— Migrant Twerker (@SortaBad) September 23, 2014
*looks at can*
“Aww gross who bought DIET whoop-ass”
If you took out somebody’s small intestine and stretched it all the way out from end to end, you would go to jail.— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) September 25, 2014
[final t-rex looks around]— sadvil (@sadvil) September 23, 2014
looks like everyone’s extinct
[pulls out tissues and lotion]
[looks at tiny arms]
NO. THERE WAS TIME NOW
my girlfriend really wants 24 carrots but they’re like $1 per lb right now. w/e it’s our anniversary so i have to get ‘em— chet porter (@chetporter) September 24, 2014
My favorite fictional character is The Reliable Weed Dealer.— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) September 22, 2014
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) September 23, 2014
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.