In the mood for some laughs? Well we’ve got you covered. Below you’ll find the funniest most amazing most fabulous tweets from this past week. Don’t doubt us, it’s true. If you like these tweets, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so then you’ll be sure to find something to laugh at each every day.
Therapist: It’s been 8 years since the death of your parents. How are you coping?— Number 6 (@aka_fatman) October 4, 2015
Bruce Wayne: I dress as a bat and beat up strangers now.
On wednesday at 4 I’m gonna be spontaneous.— n2o (@1evilidiot) October 5, 2015
don’t want to say I’m pro-abortion, but if my mom had aborted me I wouldn’t be sitting in jury duty right now— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) October 6, 2015
[interviewing for a job at snapchat]— Hippo (@InternetHippo) October 5, 2015
“You have a great resume—hey it just disappeared!”
[i smile & wink]
“Wow you’re hired”
Just said “I’m proud of you.” out loud to myself after refilling an ice cube tray.— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) October 3, 2015
All those socks sitting in your drawer, wondering if this is the day that you’ll place them on your hand, so that they may finally speak.— ibid (@ibid78) October 3, 2015
[spelling bee]— dan mentos (@DanMentos) October 2, 2015
“your word is… death”
can you use it in a sentence?
“in most states, yes”
the stages of a breakup:— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) October 5, 2015
4. taking pictures of everything you do to make sure people know you’re having fun
Warning - do NOT hire the gerbil whisperer. He makes your gerbil do MORE murders than before. He gives them tiny swords— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) October 3, 2015
[Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS— ollka crump (@dulcetry) October 3, 2015
Nice try, poison. pic.twitter.com/jrVbRZt8PC— мхяк (@mxrk) October 8, 2015
when u write a good tweet and you wait for the favs but they don’t come pic.twitter.com/RJ4LAD8RNn— yuletide ben™ (@benicus_rex) October 1, 2015