Compiled for your enjoyment, here are the 15 funniest tweets of this week. If you’re not following these characters already, make it happen. Otherwise you’ll be missing out on some of the most clever and hilarious minds on Twitter.
‘some ppl call me the space cowboy’— great, person (@hippieswordfish) November 11, 2014
'some call me the gangster of love’
'some call me m-’
sir we just need a name for your latte
My egg cracked mid-boil and came out looking like Iggy Azalea pic.twitter.com/7PDGpxF5Ye— Yael (@elle91) November 12, 2014
“You promise you didn’t get me bees again”— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) November 11, 2014
[me from a distance] just open it
Please meet me at the lighthouse I need to murder you I mean talk to you about something.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) November 9, 2014
*whispers to old lady at Starbucks*— kerlnth (@painted_eel) November 7, 2014
one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
I sit blindfolded. A woman in a lab coat feeds me a Twix.— Ray (@SirEviscerate) November 8, 2014
She marks her notes. 329 consecutive correct guesses.
I know you have a stressful job Dad, but you can’t air traffic control my need to DANCE— Shawn (@online_shawn) November 6, 2014
uh actually going through life on 4-5hrs of sleep per night is a perfectly way of doing functioning for having to doing. in your living time— tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 11, 2014
Introducing the new Mountain Dew: Pants. Tastes like pants. Christ, we don’t know. You guys like pants— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) November 12, 2014
“That woman would be way hotter if her purse was more expensive.”— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) November 12, 2014
-no guy, ever
Frozen is the first Disney on Ice that makes any sense— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) November 11, 2014
[police show picture of my dead body at bottom of stairs to wife]— luke [from online] (@internetluke) November 10, 2014
“Why no pants on?”
We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell
If you’re at church and you don’t point finger-guns at the aisles and say, “pew pew pew,” you’re wasting everybody’s time.— caprice crane (@capricecrane) November 9, 2014
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.