Compiled for your enjoyment, here are the 15 funniest tweets of this week. If you’re not following these characters already, make it happen. Otherwise you’ll be missing out on some of the most clever and hilarious minds on Twitter.
cool tattoos, do you even have a job lol oh you do are they hiring— Zachary Flynn (@zacharyflynn) November 17, 2014
mr president? yes its the school board. all we did was change the grading system from “percent” to “likes” and now all the teens love school— jomny sun (@jonnysun) November 18, 2014
Mother Earth: I’m not a regular mom. I’m a Cool Mom.— Adina Sunny (@AdinaSunny) November 15, 2014
[humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature]
Earth: This is fine. I’m a Cool Mom
The people who write mean stuff on my public Facebook page under their real names never seem to have any favorite books— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 16, 2014
It’s not a walk of shame if you run.— Molly (@Molly_Kats) July 8, 2014
When you’re over 30, Tinder is like going through the dollar bin at CVS. You don’t really want anything in there, but hey it’s only a buck.— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) November 19, 2014
You know North West is mad as fuck that there’s no more baby oil left in the house.— Jason Waterfalls (@shegotagronk) November 14, 2014
[at subway]— pat tobin (@tastefactory) November 15, 2014
And just a little lettuce.
*the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping*
I am 100% positive this is how Jaden and Willow Smith text each other. pic.twitter.com/TQuI6mkhsF— Rob Fee (@robfee) November 18, 2014
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that’s just science— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) November 15, 2014
*starts petting a random dog in the park when I see my ex dog walking past*— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) November 14, 2014
i hate when the news guys say “our nation’s capital”. stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is— derek (@eedrk) November 14, 2014
sorry I couldn’t make it to your brunch I was doing ecstasy alone in my car— Jamie (from before) (@Jamie1947) November 15, 2014
After every social interaction I give myself a score between 1-10 and so far I’ve never made it above a 6.— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 14, 2014
In Facebook status updates, where it says, “Continue Reading” it should just say “Now Entering Crazytown.”— Matt Goldich (@MattGoldich) November 15, 2014
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.