In the mood for some laughs? Well we’ve got you covered. Below you’ll find the funniest most amazing most fabulous tweets from this past week. Don’t doubt us, it’s true. If you like these tweets, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so then you’ll be sure to find something to laugh at each every day.
[date]— Jacob Swift (@Jacob_Swift16) November 17, 2016
Her: OMG my dad keeps texting me he’s so annoying
Me: [hoping to impress her] yeah he’s a piece of shit
dear teenage me, in the future there are 15 kinds of mtn dew & porn is free. but donald trump is president & uh, nazis are back. sorry bud— mustard (@nice_mustard) November 23, 2016
A woman on the subway printed out 15 pages of Facebook posts and is just reading the comments 🤔 pic.twitter.com/JEbnzM9ftR— Alex Steinman (@AlexSteinman) July 6, 2016
ME: I’d like to buy this sleeping bag.— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) November 22, 2016
CASHIER: That’s a garbage can.
ME: *slowly sinking into can* Name your price.
We’re sliding into 2017 saying the word Nazi a little more than I’d hoped but other than that I think we’re doing great— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) November 23, 2016
son: I don’t think he likes me— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) November 18, 2016
wife: your dad just has a hard time showing affection
me: [holding bag of doritos] GOD I LOVE DORITOS
[cat clinic]— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) November 19, 2016
CAT: I have insomnia
DR. CAT: How bad is it?
CAT: I haven’t slept in 20 minutes
DR. CAT: *is napping*
TATTOO ARTIST: what do you want to do?— rob (@rockymomax) November 17, 2016
ME: jump off a bridge and die
ARTIST: I meant for a tattoo
ME: a butterfly
This bike is locked up tight in case two thieves in love walk by. pic.twitter.com/9Izgc49BcK— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 20, 2016
If you hold a mug of hot tea with both hands in an oversized knit sweater you initiate a Prozac commercial— “Sarah Schauer” (@SJSchauer) November 21, 2016
hello sir i’d like to report a serious felony… yes he made the motion like he threw the ball but it was still in his hand pic.twitter.com/7odJuOTcnh— Lucy Valentine (@LucyXIV) November 20, 2016
[father & son looking up at the night sky—observing starlight from millions of yrs ago] son, the most important thing in this world is money— Mitch, a Shark onlin (@AbrasiveGhost) November 22, 2016
*kneels down, adjusts cowboy hat, runs finger across the ground and tastes the dirt* Hmm. This Pizza Hut… reckon it used to be an Arby’s.— vladchoc (@vladchoc) November 18, 2016
— Fro Vo (@fro_vo) November 23, 2016
Lee Harvey Oswald: ima shoot the president
Mrs. Oswald: you better be just fucken kidding
Lee Harvey Oswald: yeah JFK