Compiled for your enjoyment, here are the 15 funniest tweets of this week. If you’re not following these characters already, make it happen. Otherwise you’ll be missing out on some of the most clever and hilarious minds on Twitter.
*Biden pokes head into Oval Office*— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) November 5, 2014
Barry, we’re Republicans, right?
“No Joe. We’re Democrats.”
*Hides WE’RE #1 foam finger behind back*
“dad can I get a tattoo?”— brent (@murrman5) November 6, 2014
[10 minutes later]
out of curiosity, what did you wanna get?
“dinosaur revving a dirtbike”
I’ll ask your mother
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have fucking turned.— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) November 3, 2014
If you work in a factory that makes more than one “World’s Best Dad” cup, how do you even sleep at night?— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) November 3, 2014
Like a good neighbor, State Farm doesn’t try to fuck your wife.— Steven Amiri (@SteveAmiri) November 2, 2014
There’s a fine line between stupid and clever and I usually blow right past it at about 90 mph— 🆗 Lozenge™ (@LostCatDog) October 30, 2014
Babies are like tattoos. They’re yours forever and maybe wait a few days before posting pictures of them so they’re not all gross looking.— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 2, 2014
me: [wearing my cool goth clothes]— wolf pupy (@wolfpupy) November 1, 2014
some guy yelling from a car: halloween was yesterday
me: halloween is forever bitch
wife:(frightened) I think theres a murderer in our house!?— slick (@dlicj) November 1, 2014
husband (a murderer): well yeah haha
wife: oh that’s right u killed that guy haha
My wife and I are both feminists. But as a man, I’m a tiny bit better at it.— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) November 6, 2014
Dominoes is one marketing campaign away from just bringing you a pizza every morning unless you call to stop them first.— maura quint (@behindyourback) November 1, 2014
the key to a girls heart pic.twitter.com/AnNXO1F7Ez— george w kush (@yungshoelace) November 5, 2014
*screaming at the halfway mark in a marathon*— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) November 3, 2014
Someone already won! Stop running!
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.