Friday is finally here, and before you fling yourself across the chasm of the weekend into the cliff face of next week, you deserve some laughs. That’s why, every week, we compile 15 of the week’s funniest and weirdest tweets. If you like them, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so you can find something to laugh at each every day.
[why movies will survive]— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) December 15, 2016
“hi i’d like to sit in a black box & not think about trump for 2 hrs"
CASHIER: sexy space titanic starts at 7pm
This advent calendar is shit. There’s no chocolate and it just makes me cry all the time. pic.twitter.com/iZDYRl20Qt— Katie Storey (@KEStorey) December 15, 2016
[looking out at a beautiful sunset hand in hand on beach]— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) December 14, 2016
“d'you think clowns take their shoes off to go up stairs or just walk backwards?”
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Could you operate the emergency exit door if needed?— Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 12, 2016
ME (once tried to unscrew a pry off beer cap for 20 min.): Sure.
don’t assume someone’s gender just because they are back in town— EVERETT BYRAM (@rad_milk) December 13, 2016
gonna do brunch (target pizza hut) get coffee (starbucks in target) maybe catch a movie (looping bruno mars music video on tv inside target)— tara shoe (@tarashoe) December 10, 2016
Now how the hell are Starbucks cups in the news again and no one’s talking about a guy spreading his cheeks open on McDonald’s cups pic.twitter.com/QmIuZiDJst— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) December 11, 2016
Who would have believed that the perfect Wikipedia photo caption could have been improved upon? pic.twitter.com/pLedKWbs1o— Alan Ferrier (@alanferrier) December 13, 2016
I’m sorry I missed your party. I started untangling a pile of necklaces, and when I looked up twenty years had passed.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 10, 2016
Twitter should consider changing the “what’s happening?” prompt to “what now?”— Jessie Dean (@NicCageMatch) December 9, 2016
1920: the future holds immense promise!!— bauhausfanaccoun halo 3 guardian BR/snipes only 🤠 (@hypedresonance) December 11, 2016
2016: yo should I block my mom on snapchat I don’t want her seeing my fucking beer chug.
do you ever re-type your FISSKSJFKDK because the letter sequence is awkward & doesn’t quite portray the reaction you were going for?— 18 minutes of flour (@finnpoem) December 12, 2016
MILLENNIAL: omg the line at starbucks is so long lol— mustardsgiving (@nice_mustard) December 9, 2016
BOOMER: a racoon died in the well & we all got ass fever. the king stole our best goat
[me as a magician]— rob elliott (@rockymomax) December 7, 2016
*pulls rabbit from hat*
*pulls knife from hat*
*pulls sautée pan from hat*
i dont know WHAT they’ve been teaching you in school but in THIS house we stand for the anthem and we jump around for the song jump around— capitalism liker (@HumanPog) December 13, 2016