Tim Tebow has everything a guy could ever ask for. He was a standout college athlete, he’s got legions of fans, he’s successful, he’s got enough money that he doesn’t need to worry, he’s got fame and notoriety, and he’s dating arguably (actually, it’s not that arguable) the most attractive woman on the planet. The only thing he’s missing is a successful pro football career. Whatever, with a girlfriend like the 2012 Miss Universe, small shortcomings like that are just fine.
I can picture their dates: Tim picks her up at 8:00pm. Together, they do a quick prayer before buckling their seatbelts and heading out. When they get to the restaurant, they do another quick prayer, unbuckle their seatbelts, Tim takes off his helmet, and they get out of the car. Tim tosses his keys to the valet, but misses him by 12 feet to the left.
The pair sits down at the restaurant and Tim orders them both two large glasses of milk. Tim goes to hand his finished class back to the waiter, but fumbles it to the ground as it smashed to a thousand pieces. Then, they both pretend to enjoy their meals (something unfathomably healthy that no human could actually enjoy) and head out.
Tim brings Olivia home a bit late, at 9:00pm. He gives her a nice, firm handshake and then a pat on the butt as she walks away. He then goes home. He does not score.
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