On Monday, Tracy Morgan gave his first interview since the devastating crash involving his limo van and a Walmart truck that left him in a coma and one of his comedy writers dead.

Tracy tried to hold back tears as he told Matt Lauer, “I can’t believe I’m here.” In the interview, Tracy talks about how he doesn’t remember the crash, the loss of his friend and comedy writer James “Jimmy Mack” McNair, as well as the now-settled lawsuit with Walmart.

During the interview, Morgan began to cry when Lauer asked him about the crash. The actor said he doesn’t remember the accident, only waking up from a coma two weeks later and learning that McNair had died. “He was a loving man and he was a warm man,” Morgan said while crying. “He was a good man. It’s just hard for me to see that he’s gone.” Morgan said that once he arrived home from the hospital, he watched the accident and McNair’s funeral on YouTube. “I had to know what happened to my friend, I had to pay my respects,” he said. “That was my way.”

A year ago this month, a Walmart truck slammed into Tracy’s limo van, severely injuring the former SNL star as well as two other two friends in the van, and killing McNair, one of Morgan’s comedy writers. Morgan sustained brain trauma, a broken leg and broken ribs in the accident.

At the moment, the 30 Rock star says he wants to get back to comedy, but right now he’s not yet healed and must focus on recovering.