Being on the road for a majority of your life, and all hours of the day and night, you are bound to see and experience things the average person would not. Below are a few of the wildest things that truck drivers on Reddit have witnessed.
Spoiler alert: the last story is brilliant.
I had a hooker climb into my truck while I was sleeping. My truck’s passenger’s side door wasn’t locked as well as I thought. I’d been hit in a parking lot by another truck and it bent the door in a little. I jumped up and hit her in the face with my laptop, we got in this weird hair-pulling slap fight, and physically pushed/kicked her over the passenger’s seat and out the door onto the pavement. I stood there half awake blinking at her through the windshield when she jumped up, flashed me her boobs, flipped me off, and ran away. Went back to sleep. Woke up an hour or so later with someone knocking on my door. It was the police. She called them and told them she was my girlfriend and I’d beat her up and thrown her out at a truck stop. I believe they were getting ready to handcuff me when a few drivers from other trucks came over to explain she’d been knocking on truck doors all night and was there most weekends either knocking on doors or trying to climb into unlocked trucks. Plot twist: I’m female and I look nothing like the stereotypical ideal of the manly female trucker. She looked like a greasy beach ball with dead caterpillars for eyebrows.
DEATH BY TRUCK
I once had a woman commit suicide by jumping in front of my truck. I haven’t driven since, and now spend my time working with troubled/suicidal people. I was never quite the same after that happened.
SO. MUCH. WEIRDNESS.
I had someone throw a football from an overpass and bust my windshield once. I watched a guy hit a buffalo once and the truck and buffalo sort of exploded everywhere. I got stuck in the snow once and a whole Amish family came out and pulled me out with horses, then they gave me tons of food to take with me because the women said I was “too skinny.” I knew a guy that had a pet goat, monkey, and parrot all in the same truck. So much weirdness.
IF ONLY THE MOVIE “RV” WAS THIS GOOD…
Had an RV crawl up alongside me once in Indiana. I have a habit of looking over when folks get up along side me to check and see if they are paying attention to the road or their phone or dozing off… Anyway, I glance over to see how old this couple in this RV may be. I was surprised to find the driver was maybe 30, tops. He looks over and smiles and as sure as God’s got sandals the next second later a young naked woman is bent over the passenger side of the dash and is being, um, acted upon by another young naked woman with what appears to be a horse shaped and sized dildo. I clicked the cruise back a notch or two and let them go on.
THIS SEEMS DANGEROUS
I was in deep south Texas coming out of Laredo. A Mexican truck (you can spot one easy when you know what to look for) starts coming up along side me. He gets up next to me and no one is at the wheel. I see two straps on the wheel and can only assume the dude was attempting to drive from the sleeper with a set of reigns. I backed way off and let them get on up ahead of me. Saw them later at the border check in cuffs.
I occasionally pick up hitchhikers. Very interesting people. I usually do it when it’s cold out and I’ve got enough room to pull over safely within a quarter mile of the guy. Most of them are very poor, but for different reasons. Some are on an adventure, like Jade. He said he was just traveling to experience life, man. We talked for two hours straight about life and about who we were and what we wanted. He said he was going to Mexico for some hippie commune where everyone’s nude and you just do drugs and love on each other. Some are on a mission, like my most recent rider. He was headed to Houston to pick up a disability check. He seemed pretty smart and hard working. He was trying to help me with stuff our whole trip. But some of these guys, as you’ve heard, are crazy. I met one guy who seemed to have a half-dozen mental disorders (I have a B.S. degree in psychology) and I started to fear for my life. This guy told me he was the leader of a secret Aryan group that has 20 leaders that all E.S.P. to each other (like telepathy). He would try to explain by telling me to look at the next sign on the road, and then say, "mmm….mmm….yeah, you see? No? The next one, the next one you’ll see!” I thought he really might try to kill me, and I admit I was afraid…I can’t try to fight somebody while I’m driving a truck on the highway.
DAMN GERMANS AND THEIR TRICKS
I saw a coiled up football scarf on the ground at a service station, it was a German team either Werder Bremen or Wolfsburg and I thought to myself that’s a bit odd to be here. I went over and tried to pick it up and wrapped up inside was the biggest turd I’ve ever seen. I got out of there and am now suspicious of the diets of most German soccer fans I meet.
THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD?
I was out front of a truck stop back in the mid 80’s. Sitting on a park bench with a guy that had a big Rottweiler dog on a leash with him. I tried to make small talk but he was quite a sourpuss. So we sat in silence for a few minutes until the most unexpected thing I have ever seen, happened right before my very eyes. While we were sitting there a 18 wheeler pulls in without a trailer so he parks right up front like a normal car would. Inside the cab of the truck with the driver is a little monkey. Well the dog spots this monkey and proceeds to go apeshit over it. Lunging at the end of his leash and barking at the top of his lungs.
The driver is obviously upset, but not nearly as much as the monkey is. He was pacing the dashboard back and forth. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog. The driver opens his little triangle window that they don’t make on cars anymore. The ones made for smokers back in the day. He yells out to call his dog off because it is upsetting his monkey. The guy laughs and says no way.
Now here’s where things start to get interesting. The driver says that if he doesn’t call his dog off he’s gonna let his monkey loose on that dog. The guy laughs and says that his dog would eat that monkey alive. Upon hearing this, the driver leans over and reaches into his glove box. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at baseball games or carnivals, and places it in the monkey’s hand. The monkey obviously knows what’s about to go down because he is now trying to squeeze out of that little triangular window I mentioned earlier.
Driver hollers “Last chance to save your dog’s ass, man.” In response, the man lets his dog off of the leash. Now we have a situation that has escalated to the point where we have a dog jumping up at the window and a monkey screaming profanities right back at him. Well, the driver finally rolls down the regular window and out leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell.
The dog never knew what hit him. Quick as a flash, this monkey is riding on the back of this dog’s neck. His two back feet all wrapped up in his neck fur with one hand hanging onto an ear. The other hand as you may have guessed by now is steadily and mercilessly raining down blows about this dog’s head and face with the baseball bat. I mean hard blows. You can hear them whap whap whap.
Well it only took a moment for the dog to realize he was in way over his head. He bolts yelping bloody murder as he runs away at full speed, the monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time. In a couple of minutes or so, the little monkey comes loping back with his little bat still in hand, and leaps up into the still open window of the truck to await his master who has gone on into the store. The man ran off to try to go find his dog, but I don’t know if he ever did. My ride showed up and I had to go.