Breakups are hard. You hate starting them. You hate finding yourself in them. You hate being around them. There’s just nothing good about them, except for when you discover some harsh truths about yourself, and then you start exercising or reading books again. Other than that, they’re pretty much just yelling, crying, bargaining, and cold-shouldering. So what would you do if you found out that there’s a legitimate company that’ll break up with someone for you?
It’s called The Breakup Shop, and it is real. Per its site, the company wants you to “let [them] handle the messy work of the breakup so you can spend more time swiping right.” You read that correctly. This company exists to help you move past the only obstacle—an entire breakup with another human that you’ve supposedly loved for weeks/months/years—and get right to that weird, wild sex you stumble upon as a freshly minted single guy or gal.
Choose from any of the following: Breakup Text ($10+), Breakup Phone Call ($29+), Breakup Letter ($20+), or Breakup Gift Pack ($80+). For the record, that last one comes with cookies, wine, a Netflix gift card and your choice of The Notebook or Call of Duty: Ghosts. This is the world we live in. What a time to be alive.