It turns out the best stories told in confidence from the passenger seat of an Uber have a pretty good shot of ending up on the internet. Well, at least on Reddit, and here too. We’ve compiled our Top 10 deepest secrets given to us from Reddit’s users who have driven for Uber. Next time you’re about to let out that dark secret in the backseat of a 4-door sedan, remember the whole world might hear your story. Extra-juicy stories found here.
PEOPLE SOMETIMES CRY FOR SIGNIFICANT REASONS
Picked a girl up a sweet girl from a bar on a Wednesday night - absolutely hammered, about 10pm. She got into my car, apologized for being so drunk and politely asked if we could just drive around a little while, with the windows down.
I was prepping for a cleaning fee, trying to drive and pull a vomit bag out of the glove box, but no, she just did that airplane thing with one hand out the backseat window. She asked me if I had ever thought about dying, to which I replied, yeah - I guess so.
That’s when she told me that she had cancer. It was in her brain and it was too far gone to consider chemo. I remember my heart just pounding. She told me she was dying and she was going to be okay. Tonight she was celebrating with her work friends who threw her a going-away party. She told them she was taking a position abroad.
“I just didn’t tell them that abroad was heaven.”
Jesus. F—ing. Christ. I turned off my app and cried my ass all the way home.
Two middle aged couples trying to agree to a foursome.
LARRY AND JERRYHIDE THEIR LOVE
Picked up 2 dudes. They were talking about how they were going to keep hiding their relationship from their wives and children. Pretty messed up stuff.
I had someone get in my car, told me he’s in his late 20s and that he’s having sex with a girl who just recently turned 18. I awkwardly told him that’s good for him and he proceeded to tell me that it’s not, that his life sucks and everything he does to make himself happy doesn’t work. He told me he watches vids of people committing suicide and wishes he had the courage they did to go through with it. He told me he’s going to go to San Francisco and spend every last penny he has on vacation and just jump off the golden gate bridge when he’s done. I didn’t really know what to say. When I dropped him off I told him that I hope things start looking up and he just said “they won’t. They never do” and left.
He also asked weird questions like “if I hit you would you kick my ass?” When I said I’d rather not one hit anyone he said “dude, you’d whoop my ass I’m a fucking piece of shit.”
Hope he got help.
HOPING FOR A SWITCH-A-ROO
One time I was driving a dude for a bit of a long trip. Was gonna take around 25-30 minutes. He wasn’t hammered, but definitely a bit drunk. It was late and he must’ve been feeling a bit down, so he confided in me and asked me for some advice.
He told me he’s madly in love with his fiancé’s best friend and he couldn’t back out now. He’d been with this girl 4 years, and engaged for 1, ready to be married in a few months.
It was pretty sad to hear, because it wasn’t just your average story. It was filled with a lot of subtle emotional and mental anguish. The guy went through about 5 years of ups and downs with his girl, and found an innocent friend and comfort in the best friend. After a few years, he developed feelings and it was just downhill from there.
Felt bad for the guy because he seemed like he was truly in love with his fiancé too, although he had strong feelings for this friend. He knew that going through with the marriage meant a lifetime of being around the friend and suppressing feelings, but also breaking it off meant that he lost the girl of his dreams. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and I hope he’s doing okay.
Took this 19-year-old kid and what I assumed was his gf back to her house on pride weekend in SF. They made out the whole ride. When I dropped them off, only she got out. He said “Take me to Castro and 18th.” I said “Really?” and he said “Yeah, I only make out with girls when I’m rolling.” Never a dull moment in San Francisco.
BUSINESS TRIP MISTRESS
I picked up this young overly affectionate couple that spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute.
So I drop off the couple and head on my way to pick up my text fare. I hear a cellphone ring in my backseat, realize it’s my previous ride’s, and pick up the phone to let them know I have it and I’ll come back to drop it off. Turns out it was the guy’s wife phoning to check in on him while he was on a business trip, which he was thoroughly enjoying with his mistress.
Picked up this girl and her brother, they had been out celebrating her birthday. Brother is completely wasted and she is sober. He gets in the back of my car, passes out and she sits in the front. The ride starts and we make small talk. Apparently, her brother and her boyfriend had taken her out for her bday but boyfriend got mad at her and went somewhere else and brother decided to get shitfaced immediately so she had to take care of him. It ended up being a shitty bday. On top of that, she told me her boyfriend was verbally abusive and made her feel really shitty all of the time. I basically said stuff along the lines of “You need to watch out for your own happiness and your SO should be making you happy, otherwise I don’t see the point in having a SO.” She started crying buckets and told me how her entire life, she never realized that. She always just assumed that boyfriends/husbands have the ‘right of way’ as she put it and that she never even considered that she should be happy in a relationship. Maybe that stuck with her and she’s moving on to better and happier things. I’d like to think so. That ride ended with me helping her drag her brother out of my car and up the steps to the house.
GAYS LAST FOREVER, APPARENTLY
Two girls talking about how they f—ed the same guy. Both agreed his dick was too big and he was hurting them by lasting too long, both concluded he was gay.
OVER SHARING AT ITS BEST
I picked up this one guy who told me all about his anal warts. Apparently, they were simply huge.