Last Saturday, humans drew first blood in the inevitable war against the machines by killing hitchBOT, the beloved hitchhiking robot.
The robot was attempting to make its way from Boston to San Francisco when it was senselessly and brutally beheaded on the streets of Philadelphia. News of the robot’s demise was met with outrage on social media, probably because social media users are so detached from humanity that they can only feel empathy for animals and fictional characters.
But now surveillance footage of the attack has emerged which clearly shows some stupid S.O.B. destroying our beloved robot pal. I hope you didn’t use up all your pitchforks on that dentist who killed the lion!
The footage was released by Vlogger Jesse Wellens (a.k.a. BFvsGF), who was one of the last people to see hitchBOT alive. Coincidence? Was it an inside job? That’s for the robot police to decide.
At any rate, searching for the man who destroyed hitchBOT is pointless. For one thing, the robot’s creators have already said they have no interest in seeking retribution.
“We have no interest in pressing charges or finding the people who vandalized hitchBOT,” his creators posted on their website. “We wish to remember the good times, and we encourage hitchBOT’s friends and fans to do the same.”
If their lack of anger sounds confusing, keep in mind they are Canadian. This also explains why the robot’s programming allowed it to visit the streets of Philly at five in the morning. That’s a violation of the Third Law of Robotics if I’ve ever seen one.
However, while hitchBot’s body was destroyed, his mind is backed up on a server in Canada, which means he’s not really dead.
Oh dear, my body was damaged, but I live on with all my friends. Sometimes bad things happen to good robots! #hitchBOTinUSA— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 1, 2015
With that in mind, that idiot in Philly should thank his lucky stars that hitchBOT is Canadian. Otherwise, he’d have an angry robot plotting his demise.