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We’re officially in a Baseball Concessions Arms Race. Every year, major league baseball teams create the craziest food they can think of in hopes of extracting even more money from their devoted fan bases. And it’s money well spent! Last year we ranked every MLB stadium based on its weirdest concessions, which included things like a Churro hot dog (as seen above), a chicken and waffle cone and bacon cotton candy. Unsurprisingly, baseball teams introduced more unusual offerings for 2016, so we’ve picked out the 10 we’re most interested in trying this season.
Meet PNC Park’s Cracker Jack & Mac dog, topped with caramel sauce, jalapeños, Cracker Jack & macaroni and cheese. pic.twitter.com/166CDx790u— Alicia Jessop (@RulingSports) March 24, 2016
10. PITTSBURGH PIRATES (PNC PARK)
Cracker Jack and Mac Dog
Hot dogs and Cracker Jack are two of the most iconic foods served at baseball games. So it only makes sense to combine them. And obviously you need to get some cheese on there. What’s the point of eating a clearly unhealthy concession if it’s not topped with cheese? That’s borderline blasphemy.
9. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS (CHASE FIELD)
The creators of last year’s Churro Dog didn’t quite outdo themselves in 2016, but they came close. They literally took a cheeseburger and made it into a hot dog. The actual sausage is made entirely of cheeseburger meat. While this will certainly bring up the logical debate about whether or not this is a sandwich, it’s still going to be pretty darn delicious.
8. CLEVELAND INDIANS (PROGRESSIVE FIELD)
It’s a hot dog with Fruit Loops on it. Sure there’s bacon and mac and cheese, but who cares about that? There are FRUIT LOOPS on a hot dog. Has the world gone mad?
Yes. Yes it has.
7. DETROIT TIGERS (COMERICA PARK)
Something I noticed is that most of the cities on this list are from the Midwest. Is it because there are so many farms, therefore people from these states are more creative with their food? Or is it because they’re people who consider sausages to be the height of cuisine? I don’t know. But I do know that if someone deep fries a bratwurst and serves it on a stick, like the Detroit Tigers are doing, I will eat it.
Meatball cone? Good for anyone who’s clumsy. Probably too small that I kill it fast. pic.twitter.com/tX1ZyNuCHg— Coaster (@coasterfreek) April 5, 2016
6. ST. LOUIS CARDINALS (BUSCH STADIUM)
Everyone loves ice cream cones. You eat all the ice cream then bite into that delicious cookie-like shell, which still has residual ice cream on it. So why don’t we try that with more foods? Well, the Cardinals did with meatballs. Pretty genius. The only reason it’s not higher is they should’ve made the cone out of noodles. Oppportunity missed.
5. TEXAS RANGERS (GLOBE LIFE PARK)
The Wicked Pig
The Wicked Pig is quite expensive at $27, but look how big that thing is! This sandwich has pulled pork, Danish bacon, sausage, prosciutto, ham and is smothered in barbecue sauce. It may be $27, but you’re getting about three sandwiches worth of food.
Only reason it’s not higher: Danish bacon. Is American bacon not good enough for you, Globe Life Park?
4. MINNESOTA TWINS (TARGET FIELD)
Cluck & Moo Bloody Mary
Have we reached Peak Bloody Mary? We’ve previously established that restaurants are going all-out to make the craziest recipes for the popular breakfast cocktail, but this may be the weirdest. The Minnesota Twins will be offering a bloody Mary with a buffalo chicken wing and a cheeseburger slider as garnish. That’s not garnish; that’s a meal. You’re ordering chicken and a burger with a bloody Mary to wash it down. Obviously, we will not complain.
3. CINCINNATTI REDS (GREAT AMERICAN BALL PARK)
Have you ever eaten French fries and thought, “Man, this could use more seafood.” Well, you’re in luck. The Reds are serving up a dish called the “Crab Box,” which is a bunch of fries covered with crabmeat, cheese and seafood seasoning. It sounds delicious once you get past that the name sounds like a STD reference.
2. HOUSTON ASTROS (MINUTE MAID PARK)
Sweet Potato Waffle Chicken Sandwich
Last year, the Astros invented the Chicken and Waffle cone, which was an ice cream cone filled with fried chicken, mashed potatoes and honey mustard. This year, they’re continuing the trend with a chicken and waffle sandwich. The chicken is only grilled this time (perhaps they finally care about their fans’ health), but it’s placed in between two sweet potato waffles and topped with Greek yogurt, spinach and sliced tomatoes. I’d probably ask them to keep the spinach and tomatoes off. I don’t like semi-healthy things ruining my clearly unhealthy meals.
1. ATLANTA BRAVES (TURNER FIELD)
The Atlanta Braves fans win the 2016 season. Even if their team loses every game the rest of the season, they still win because their concessions are the best in the league this year. They introduced so much amazing food that you’ll want to move down there just to try them all.
First of all, they have fried green tomatoes. Not revolutionary, but anything fried is good in my book:
And then finally some fried green tomatoes pic.twitter.com/HRzyhrtHsw— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
Then they have the “Top-N-GO,” which is Fritos or Doritos topped with chili cheese. Again, not mind-blowing, but still delicious:
Fritos or Doritos topped with chili and cheese. pic.twitter.com/evzqJtrvTe— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
They also took the Astros Chicken and Waffle sandwich and made it better by adding buffalo sauce:
Buffalo chicken and waffles. pic.twitter.com/8mR6UsNMdo— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
Continuing with the waffles, they have a “Tater Top Chop,” which is a tater top waffle topped with bacon and cheese:
“Tater Tot Chop” tater tot waffle! pic.twitter.com/cqvHZZMLu3— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
Then there’s the T.E.D. (which stands for “The Everything Dog”), which is a hot dog with chili, popcorn, tortilla chips, beer cheese, jalapeños, French fries and Coca-Cola infused barbecue sauce. That’s literally everything you can find at a baseball game:
T.E.D “the everything dog” pic.twitter.com/8hN5LNxhgP— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
Don’t worry, there’s still more. They have the ominously named sandwiched, “The Punisher.” It’s rib meat smothered in Monster-energy barbecue sauce (I guess that’s a thing), beer-battered onions and bacon. It’s basically the Four Loko of sandwiches:
A better picture of the “Punisher” pic.twitter.com/YoJPrfxWHB— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
But the pièce de résistance is the Burgerizza. It’s a giant burger in between two pizza buns. And by “pizza buns,” I mean two actual sized pizzas:
There is your picture of the full burgerizza pic.twitter.com/C2OqvPsKa3— M[vp]aitan Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
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Joseph Misulonas is the Girls co-editor for Playboy.com. He would eat all of these foods in one day without an ounce of shame. He can be found on Twitter at @jmisulonas.