Cringe-worthy stories about sexual mishaps are always a treat.
And this one is extra special.
The editors over at Cosmo UK recently took a break from publishing strange sex tips to post this essay from an anonymous woman who, while backpacking in Bali, hooked up with a dude and then urgently had to drop a postcoital steamer. (Her Indonesian dinner was not agreeing with her, she writes.)
Instead of using the open-plan bathroom in the bungalow where she was staying—it was within earshot of nine dudes—our heroine sprinted to a bar two doors down, making it to a toilet just in time.
But our story doesn’t end there.
“Two hours later my dodgy dinner woke me up again,” she writes. “Without delay I launched myself out of bed towards my trusty late-night bar, but when I got there I was faced with a CLOSED sign. Oh god, no! Time was running out! I said farewell to dignity, bolted to the beach and, with Balinese sands between my toes and the ripple of waves in my ears, ripped down my PJ bots and—sorry mother nature—offloaded. Oh, the blessed, glorious relief!”
Just after relieving herself, a policeman or other official shined a flashlight on her and she fled the scene.
In the chaos, she realized she’d gotten shit on her PJ shorts. Upon returning to the bungalow, she busted into another room, where her friend was banging some other dude, and bellowed that she had slept with someone and there was poo in her PJs.
Her friend hooked her up with some clean night garments, and she returned to her suitor’s bed. He never found out what had happened.
This is an embarrassing story to tell, but it could have been a lot worse. She could have shit the bed. Or contracted an STD.