The fact that multiple websites dedicated to pursuing extra-marital affairs are thriving is enough to solidify the fact that cheating happens a lot. In fact, research has shown that as many as 60 percent of men and almost 50 percent of women will cheat at some point in their marriages. Another study says one in four people don’t even constitute fucking someone else as cheating. (WTF?) On that uplifting note, new research from an extra-marital dating site has found that 62 percent of cheating women have fantasized about sleeping with someone who is super close to home. No, not your brother—or your best friend. Guess again.

That’s right, gents: we’re talking about…your neighbor.

What’s worse, a survey of 8,000 Gleeden.com members found that women actually act on these aggressions, with 31 percent of the site’s female visitors admitting to having had an affair with whomever lives next door. Most of this naughty neighbor behavior is a one-night fling, but not always: 14 percent of the affairs lasted several weeks and six percent continued on for more than a year.

Given that this study explores women who cheat, let’s make you even more paranoid and go over some signs that a woman may be non-monogamous. Of course, we recommend you take all of this at face value, since all come from studies commissioned by websites that encourage cheating. Much of the results are hilariously assumptive and suggest each and every one of us is fucking someone behind somebody else’s backs.


SHE FAKES IT
Research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that women who routinely fake orgasms are less faithful than those who can actually climax. This makes perfect sense. I mean, if she can’t hit a high note at home, she’s going to search elsewhere. Like, right next door. (P.S.: Read this Hard Science column for some reasons she might be faking it.)

SHE REALLY LIKES TO SHOP
Say it ain’t so! A survey from Ashley Madison of 50,000 women revealed that one-third of cheaters admit they have spent tons of cash on their apperance since they began cheating. Where do cheaters shop? Banana Republic, if you can believe it.

SHE’S A HEADBANGER
Coming from yet another extra-marital dating site, Illicit Encounters found that headbangers (that is, people into rock n’ roll music) were more likely to cheat than people who like pop music, country, classical, R&B, gospel and hip hop. We find that strange given that every other country song seems to be about cheating, but okay.

SHE’S A CAT LADY
Illicit Encounters also found that cat owners are most likely to cheat. In one sample of cheaters, a quarter owned cats. Dog owners, on the other hand, only made up 10 percent of the sample, suggesting they’re far more faithful companions.

SHE’S GOT BLONDE ROOTS
Research from the discretely named website Cheaterville found that blondes were most attracted to cheating when compared to any other hair color. Results found that 42 percent of the unfaithful women on their website possessed blonde hair. This was followed by redheads, brunettes and raven-haired women.

So there you have it, guys. If she’s blonde, owns a cat, listens to rock, likes to shop, fakes her orgasm and has a neighbor, you’re pretty much screwed.