Ah, the nice guy. A man I am very familiar with, mainly because I was him (still am in many ways). Always sweet, never overstepping any boundaries, a true friend, even if I wanted more. I’ve been a shoulder to cry on at a funeral, a warm non-sexual body to cuddle up with, and friend to run to when the “bad boy” broke her heart. I used to think that this entitled me to something more, until I grew the f-ck up and realized that being decent to another human being doesn’t entitle you to having sex with them and that being “friendzoned” isn’t a thing, either you’re a friend or you aren’t. Here are a few “nice” guys who could learn that lesson, as witnessed by these ladies who shared their stories on Reddit.

A guy once PM'ed me “Hey girl, you’re so beautiful.” I thought “oh that’s nice. Then came, “You look like you know how to suck a good c-ck.” So I asked him how he’d feel if someone spoke to his sister like that. He immediately blew up and told me he’d kill me for talking about his family like that.

A random guy held my crutches for me as I walked down some stairs. He seemed nice and joked about how he once broke a foot, it’ll get better, etc etc. We get to the bottom and he asks if we could get some coffee. I thank him, but tell him I’m seeing someone so he just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away.

A guy I dated for a year once posted my nudes online and insisted he was doing me a favor. If he weren’t so proud of how I look, he wouldn’t have posted them. He was being a “good boyfriend.” Why. Why why why.

We met in a group in undergrad, became friends. Slowly we became closer, I developed a crush on him, started hanging out more on our own, and one night after some drinks it escalated to kissing/cuddling. I messaged him later letting him know that while I enjoyed what happened, I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to keep it up, as I had feelings for him, and wasn’t interested in a Friends with Benefits kind of setup. He told me that he kind of had feelings as well, and that it might be nice to see how a relationship developed. So we do. We start dating- dinners, movies, all the physical stuff that comes with a relationship. I opened up to him over time, and told him about my history of sexual abuse, family history of substance abuse, etc. He opened up about his history of being used by his exes, how they were all horrible and had treated him horribly, how he’s just always been so nice that everyone takes advantage of him, that all he wants is to find a nice girl who will love him for who he is and that he can treat like a princess. One night, we’re laying in bed together watching a movie and I started telling him about a funny conversation I had at work, “So then I was like, my boyfriend…” and I feel him stiffen up, and he kind of awkwardly says, “You know we’re not dating, right? Like, I thought we just had a fun thing going…” So, apparently we’re FWB. The exact thing I told him I didn’t want. I asked him if we could start dating then, and he said he was just too busy for a relationship (even though we were basically in one). After that, I slowly started seeing someone, a guy who was actually pretty great and had actively pursued me, and guy #1 FLIPPED OUT. Apparently, even though he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, I wasn’t allowed to be with anyone else. The worst part, though, was that he told numerous individuals and groups of people all about my personal history. Apparently, a couple of times, after a couple drinks, he would even start to cast doubt on it, comparing what I “did to him” to my past abuse, stating that it was surprising to him that an alleged rape victim would “rape” the feelings of innocent men. What a nice guy. Top of Form

When I read and didn’t immediately respond to his message, he texted me “whore” and “f-ck you I’m a nice guy!” Oh the irony… Bottom of Form

I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My “friend” calls me within like 2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he “wasn’t good enough for me” and why my boyfriend “was so much better than him.” I tried to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a “nice guy” and how he had “always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?” I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that “he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.” I tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me “F-CK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!” I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again.

There was this guy last year that got on the westbound bus a little after I did, and then we got off at the same stop and waited together for the northbound bus. He was nice. He was friendly. He took an interest in the classes I was taking. I kinda viewed him as this kind of grandfatherly type, since he was in his 60s or 70s. I’m in my late twenties, for reference. One night, I had to go to the store that’s right by that bus stop we waited together at. I got stuck behind someone who took a while in line, so I was rushing to make the bus. I’m running up, and the driver did actually wait. He was taking a smoke break out by the stop, and said, “Don’t worry, the old guy let me know you were coming.” Awesome, super nice, right? I go in, old guy says pretty much the same thing: he let the driver know I’d be out shortly. Then the old guy passed me a note, told me to read it when I got home. It said, “Does that deserve a kiss someday?”

Met on a dating site between relationships. Described himself as nice and respectful. “What a woman wants is important!” We met at a seafood restaurant and he was really nice and respectful. He tried to pull my chair out but I’d done it myself. I jokingly offered to pull his chair out. We’d had a nice dinner, but didn’t really “click”. He seemed perfectly fine. After the scallops we talked about life goals and then wrapped the dinner up. He asked me when he could see me again and I said “I had a great time, but I am not sure a second date will work out. Good luck dating!” and put my half of the dinner tab down. He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a slut and wasted his time and if I wasn’t going to put out then I could have at least paid for my meal (as my money and a tip were already on the table?) I walked away and stopped doing dating sites.