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An Unsurprisingly Brief History of Women With Three Breasts

An Unsurprisingly Brief History of Women With Three Breasts:

As Gawker reported this morning, a massage therapist in Tampa, Florida – where else? – spent twenty grand to have a third breast implanted between the first two. According to the site, she did so “as a way to become unattractive to men” because she is no longer interested in dating.

Not to be reductive regarding the male psyche and/or libido, but I would suggest that the rationale behind Jasmine Tridevil’s extreme and proactive measure might be a bit flawed. Pop culture history shows that, while unusual, the concept of %150 boobage is not without its admirers.

To wit, a brief history of women with three breasts:

American Horror Story: Freak Show

While we don’t have clear picture, it is known that, in the upcoming installment of the hit anthology series, Angela Bassett’s character will be atypically endowed.

american-horror-story-freak-show-poster-dl-image

Total Recall

Actress Lycia Naff flashed Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Douglas Quaid an additional handful, prompting him to utter the iconic line, “Give the people air!” (Okay, that’s not why he said that.)

Total Recall reboob, er, reboot

As a tribute to director Paul Verhoeven’s original excess, Len Wiseman added a triple scoop of flavor to his 2012 update with the help of actress Kaitlyn Leeb. While the critical reception to said remake was lukewarm, the production design was fantastic. No. Seriously.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Arguably, she who started it all, Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6, is a mere mention in Douglas Adams’ renown satirical, sci-fi series.

Known as “The Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six”, Eccentrica Gallumbits the author of The Big Bang Theory - A Personal View is mentioned in all six of the novels. She is first mentioned in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy when Arthur looks up Earth for the first time in the guide. The entry for Earth follows that for Eccentrica Gallumbits. She is heard about again during a newscast that Zaphod Beeblebrox tunes into shortly after stealing the spaceship Heart of Gold. The newsreader quotes Eccentrica describing Zaphod as “The best bang since the Big One.” It was also reported in Fit the Ninth of the radio series that Zaphod had delivered a presidential address from her bedroom on at least one occasion. Commentary on Zaphod in the novel And Another Thing… intimates that one reason for his acquiring a third arm is the ability to fondle all of Eccentrica’s breasts at the same time. - Wikipedia

Nevertheless, her appearance has inspired fan art, a Facebook page, and, likely, all of the above women of note. Here’s to you and yours, Eccentrica.

UPDATE: As we suspected, it was a hoax. As no one suspected, we created a timeline so that we can re-live this magical week forever.

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