nullplus / Getty

nullplus / Getty

Men think women make noise in bed because men are good in bed. Men learn from pornography, our primary educational platform in place of our failed school programs regarding the subject.

Sexuality counselor and author Ian Kerner looked into “copulatory vocalization,” in a recent CNN report. In layman’s terms, that means a woman’s verbal response to sex. His findings might shock you. Might.

Researchers asked 71 sexually active heterosexual women ages 18 to 48 for some personal details regarding vocalization during sex in a 2011 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. Researchers found that many women do make noise in bed, but not necessarily when they were about to have an orgasm. This research isn’t the newest but our understanding bears refreshing.

Instead, 66 percent said they audibly moaned in order to speed up their partner’s climax. Even more respondents – 87 percent – did it to boost the guy’s self-esteem. Other reports say women dramaticized their pleasure to relieve boredom, fatigue as well as discomfort experienced during sex. All these signs are pointing to a single destination: Straight men have to get better at sex.

“While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation,” the researchers wrote, confirming her audible cues are more often for men’s benefit than her own.

The article continues saying that women aren’t the only primates to vocalize during sex. Apparently baboons and macaque monkeys verbalize their pleasure as well.

Putting our pride aside for a minute, vocalizing during sex can actually be a very great tool women can employ to communicate what they want and like in bed. Faking an orgasm helps nobody; a woman is signalling to her partner that he’s doing everything right when he’s not.

In place of faking pleasure, sex educator Patty Brisben advises women, “Use moaning as a way of signaling that you are excited and things really are feeling good, not as a way to hide that they aren’t.”

Sensing the error of their ways (though the intentions are totally admirable), there is evidence that ladies are slowly coming around to the idea that they can communicate their satisfaction through sound.

“Women are learning to take responsibility for their own sexual needs and wants in the bedroom,” Brisben told CNN. “We need to take this one step further and give ourselves permission to become teachers. Use vocalization to teach your partner what feels good. It can help you say, ‘stop, go, yes, more please,’ without sounding like a traffic cop.”

Brisben believes many women vocalize their pleasure in order to achieve orgasm, saying women enjoy it because they’ve made an effort to push beyond their usual limits.

“As a woman gets into it, she may become extremely vocal and then move into a period of quiet as she is on the verge,” Brisben said.

While moans and shrieks of passion may indicate of pleasure, the truest sign of carnal passion is no sound at all, proving yet again that silence is golden.