Listen guys, we gotta do better. Respect. It’s not that hard of a concept. Respect boundaries. Respect personal space. Respect a person’s right to not be stalked outside of her workplace or home. Although the anecdotes below (about how far these ladies from Reddit had to go to get these men to stop harassing them) can be humorous, let’s not forget the backstories (ya know, where men are harassing them). Long story short, don’t be these guys.
THIS ALWAYS WORKS
I once told a guy at a party that his personality was so disgusting it made me want to vomit. He didn’t believe me, and continued to hit on me. So I voluntarily vomited on him just to get my point across.
DON’T MAKE GRANNY GET THE SWITCH
Called his grandmother. I was working at a diner after moving back to my hometown. I reconnected with a childhood friend, had some polite conversation but maintained strict boundaries. Then he started showing up at my workplace. Every single day. It got to the point where he would come in, buy a coffee or a soda, and then hang out for hours until my shift was over so he could follow me to my car. I wasn’t allowed to kick him out of the diner because “hey he’s a paying customer!” At one point he went into the diner while I was in class (because of course he had memorized my schedule like a creepy little worm) and convinced my boss that he was my cousin and he had to get my phone number from her because “our” grandmother had had an accident. That was the final straw. I went home, called my great grandma and got her to pull his grandmother’s phone number out of her address book. We had a great talk and she put the beat down on him I guess, because I never saw him again after that.
HE SAID “SEND NUDES”
I went on a bad date, but the guy wouldn’t stop texting me. He was very explicit on how he wanted to have sex with me, how hot I was, describing how he wants to perform BDSM acts on me. For about two weeks. I got so fed up when he wouldn’t stop asking me for nudes, I just sent him pictures of naked old men, and sometimes of my turds.
OUTCRAZY THE CRAZY
Told him I was obsessed with a celebrity who was sending me secret messages via paparazzi photos.
BULLY IN A CHINA SHOP
I worked in a Chinese shop just after I left school and this guy showed up every day for weeks begging me to go out with him, telling me how pretty I am etc. It got to the point where I was afraid to go to work because he’d started to hint that bad things could happen to girls who aren’t nice…so I told my boss (using my two words of Chinese and a lot of sign language because Wang spoke zero English) and when he came in she started shouting at him in Chinese. I want you to picture the scene. Six foot black man with muscles on his muscles being chased out of a tiny Chinese shop by an even tinier Chinese lady with a broom who is yelling at the top of her lungs. I’m pretty sure that the sea couldn’t have washed him clean of what she said to him.
WHATEVER WORKS, GIRL
I was at a party in college, out at this girl’s house in the middle of nowhere and everyone was drinking. I had too much and needed fresh air and to grab my purse so I went out and sat behind my car. This guy came out and sat next to me. He was in my English class so I knew him but we never really talked. Long story short he hit on me, I rejected him, and he flipped and forced me into my back seat. I was parked far enough away and in the dark so no one saw and he had my mouth covered and all my drunk brain could think was that awful advice of “pee yourself and your attacker will be grossed out and leave.” So I did. And he had his hand forced down my pants so it got all over his hand. He was pretty grossed out. Slapped me with the pee hand, called me a “sick b-tch” and left. I was too embarrassed to go back in covered in piss so I just left. I drove home drunk and ashamed and crying. Luckily I made it there safe. I took a shower and laughed at myself and cried. So yeah probably the farthest I’ve gone to get rid of a guy…
HE AIN’T MESSIN’ WITH NO GOLDDIGGERS
This guy wouldn’t stop texting me after a horrible date, so I sent him a long text about how I couldn’t wait to get married because then I could “just have a bunch of babies and not have to get a job” and how my only goal in life was to live off my husband’s money (he was obsessed with the idea that women only date men for their money, despite the fact that he was broke and lived with his mom). He stopped texting me immediately.
YOU CAN’T PICK YOUR CREEPER, BUT…
One time to get a guy to leave me alone on the bus I just got really quiet, stared him in the eyes, and went to TOWN picking my nose.
TAKE A HINT
The guy always followed and attempted to grope me whenever I tried to go on a simple walk and even showed up at my doorstep persistently. There was a time when I was actually scared to leave my own house. The idea that I should feel so restricted by just one guy filled me with determination to do something so horrible that he would have no choice but to leave me alone. I sh-t in a cup and threw it at him. It got all over his shirt and dripped down his front, sending him into a panic. Thankfully, I never saw him again.
”DESPERATE MEN, DESPERATE WOMEN DIVIDED”
He kept writing me texts saying shit like, “Baby we were meant to be together, if you give me a chance, please baby!” (which is douche code for: I want to f-ck you, why won’t you let me?) so I acted like a crazy person and sent him the lyrics to Bob Dylan’s “Changing of The Guards” and gave him an in depth analysis on how these lyrics were a sign from some great cosmic being and made up bullshit about how I found connections in the lyrics to our new relationship.
I got on both knees in front of a church and prayed telling him I was already married to Jesus.