You know that bar that you’re terrified to ever walk back into because of the horrible things you saw on your one visit? There are actually bartenders that have to come back to that awful place almost every night. A Reddit thread asked those bartenders to share the worst things they’ve ever seen while on the job. You may never look at your local dive bar the same way again.
1. Whisper a Secret
Served this older lady and her girlfriend for a few hours. One of them was drinking vodka like it was water. All I knew was that her name was Patricia and she was hilarious. The drunker she got, the funnier she was.
Around 1:30 am she leaned over the bar like she wanted to tell me a secret. I went over and she acts like she’s going to whisper in my ear and SCREAMS, “I’M PEEING RIGHT NOW!!!”
It was Halloween and the bar was pretty slow. This dude comes in dressed all normal, but covered in blood. Shittier costumes exist. Turns out he murdered his brother shortly before at the apartment complex around the corner. He just came in and had a few drinks and left.
3. No Stealing
A guy tried to fight me because I didn’t let him steal whiskey from behind the bar. He hit me with a glass, and left. No stitches, I got lucky.
4. I’ve Never Had This Problem
We had one female regular who was not an attractive woman. Young enough, but just…unfortunate. She was always trying to get the male regulars to pay attention to her but that was not about to happen. One night, she was fucking wasted and (I found out later) pushed an unsuspecting friend of a regular into the women’s room, pinned him to the wall and gave him a blowjob. I looked over to the bathroom right as she was walking out wiping her lips and he was zipping up looking very confused. I asked him if he was ok and he replied “…I’m fine. That chick just…blew me.”
5. Bad Night
This blonde lady in her mid thirties walks in with a strut and orders a Long Island. She has a couple and then out of the blue tells me her little girl was raped by her boyfriend and that he’s in jail now but she still loves him. She goes on like this for a while.
Now, at this point I can tell she had had a few before arriving at the bar and is getting kinda gushy. Flirting with the line cook in his pepper pants and such. I asked if she was driving and she said she was walking. I offered to get her a cab and she said she lived close and would be fine. I figure if she’s on foot she can’t get into too much trouble.
Got a call the next day from the police saying she was found in the middle of the street about 4 blocks away and had been run over. My manager was a dick about it and immediately started grilling me about how many drinks I had served her. I could have sworn it was only 2 plus the super watered down one I had given her at the end. I felt terrible until I was questioned by the police and they said they expected she laid down in the street on purpose. I decided to work breakfast after that.
6. Worst Wingman Ever
A cute regular girl comes into the bar constantly, and always hits on me to a creepy degree every night. She was cute enough and everything, but clearly a little bonkers. One night she comes in wearing a skirt and no panties. She sits back far enough to ensure I have a plain view of her vagina for hours. She behaves herself for a while and then disappears for a while to the bathroom. My phone starts blowing up and I have a dozen picture messages from a number I don’t know. It’s a ton of pictures of an ass with a butt plug in, fingers in, tits, ass spreading, and other such dirtiness. But the pictures were obviously taken by someone else. I saw that it was this girl who had been creeping me for months in the pictures. She asks me if I like them and I didn’t really acknowledge them and tried to let her down easy and say she was cut off. Then a heavyset lady comes in and sits next to her. It turns out it was her mom. It was the mom who was the photographer in the bathroom with her. Apparently the apple did not fall far from the crazy tree in that case.
7. The Invitation
A nice middle aged couple comes in. They are staying at the hotel in the same complex as my bar. Only customers in the place that night. We have fun talking, and they get pretty wasted. The husband asks me what I think of his wife’s boobs. They are good. She asks me if I want to feel them, husband says “I really should” so I feel her huge boobs. Awesome. They start asking me questions about my sexuality, such as if I like to have my ass played with and if I’ve ever been with a guy. They are both hitting on me pretty hard, especially the husband. They ask if I want to come back to their room so that the husband can fuck me while the wife watches and masturbates. I politely declined… they leave and leave a room key behind with a note saying “in case you change your mind.”
I was near the backdoor to our smoking patio about to head out for a cigarette. Five cops came in, walked straight to the bar and cuffed a guy sitting there with his buddies. They then walked through the whole bar, looked everywhere and at all the inventory, behind all the shelves, didn’t say a word to the bar manager then left. Very odd.
9. Happy Divorce
I was bartending on the weekends and my Friend Rachel was at the bar drinking wine and we were talking. This guy having dinner with his wife, kids, parents and in-laws comes to the bar and starts flirting with her. He’s been drinking. He offers her a shot of top shelf vodka. She reluctantly accepts. $7. She drinks it and thanks him.
He goes back to the table and after a few minutes motions to give her another shot. She says she doesn’t want it, so I pour her a shot of water. She lifts the glass, lifts it towards him and downs it. Few minutes later, he motions for another. Another $7 shot of water. She lifts it and then leaves in on the bar.
The table finishes their dinner, load up the kids and old folks into the van, and the man comes back in and leans against the bar and starts flirting. The wife comes in and touches his shoulder. “Herb, let’s go, we’re waiting.“
He takes the shot of what he thinks is vodka, throws it full into his wife’s face, she runs out completely humiliated and he turns around cool as you please as if to say “now where were we?”
10. Oh No
So I was working one Saturday night and this guy staggers up to the bar and slurs out the words “can I have a scotch and coke”, he seemed really drunk so I told him he should have a glass of water and we will see.
I was preparing for some shitty excuse, But he just says “I talk like this, because I have cerebral palsy.”
11. I Need To Make a Call
I had one guy sit down at my VERY slow and therefore quiet bar and commence to call a sex chat line. He started out by entering his credit card info into his phone then “Oh yeah baby what are you wearing…oh of course I like that.” I had no clue what to do about that, but it never got too bad and I could see both of his hands and he didn’t try to go to the bathroom.
12. Typical Monday
I threw a guy out last week due to finding him drinking a 40 in a booth. He tried to convince me he bought it there, but we don’t sell those. About an hour later, he calls the bar threatening to come in and “smash my racist head in with a hammer.” So, that was a fun Monday.
13. I Need A Drink
I was bartending at this hotel one night when a relatively attractive girl came into the bar. She sat down, ordered a drink and we began chatting. After some banter back and forth she says, “…and man does my vagina hurt right now! Wow I took a pounding.” I kind of paused, unsure of how to respond to that. But my curiosity got the best of me so I played along and asked why. Turns out she was a call girl. She was upstairs in the hotel minutes earlier and got gang banged by three guys at the same time. She started going on about how many dicks she Sucks in a day, talking about her work as a hooker like one would any job where they had to do a lot of stuff in a day. Except her stuff to do was people.
14. Always Listen to the Bartender
I used to be a bar manager. One of my youngest bartenders notices a guy slobbering all over some girl…I mean really cleaning each other’s tongues. Dude walks up to the bar and orders a drink. Young bartender says to him, “Hey, I wouldn’t be making out with that girl if I were you…” Douchebag customer says, “Fuck you, don’t tell ME what to fucking do!” What the douchebag customer didn’t know was that the girl he was making out with had just sucked off the bartender’s friend in the parking lot…MINUTES before.
15. The Contest
There was a trio of drunk Harley-type women at the next table. We started talking and drinking together and eventually one of these chick’s old men suggested that the “ladies” have a big nipple contest.
Now I personally have never attended such a contest so I assumed that what was going to be measured was the areola. I was mistaken. The actual length of the nip itself was what this contest was about.
The unit of measurement for this contest was a stack of quarters. Boobs were taken out, nips were compared, three quarters, four quarters ,etc. Suddenly I saw a sight that I can never unsee – the winner of this contest – NINE quarters long! They were like tiny penii!
The sight sobered me up and I never want to see another big nipple contest as long as I live.
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