You can’t pick your family. No one knows that better than these Redditors, who have been brave enough to share their family’s crazy.

1. Never trust an old widow

When my grandfather died, he left the house to me, my aunt, my uncle, and my grandmother equally. Everyone signed their part over to my grandmother, but I was too young to. Fast forward to my 18th birthday, my grandmother says she needs me to sign papers so we can get a mortgage to fix up the house. I go to the lawyer and sign the papers. When I get back to the house the locks are changed and I am informed I just signed over my rights to the house to my grandma and SURPRISE I am kicked out of the house. I was homeless for 6 months until some friends (who barely knew me) took me in.

2. Well at least he’s willing to take risks

My cousin was arrested with some weed, was bailed out and then broke back into the police station that night to try and steal his weed back. He’s a family gem.

3. She really thought she found an important “scoop”

My aunt screaming this past Christmas at her brother about how she knew that he killed my grandma (who passed from Dementia last year). She said that he plotted with her (my aunt’s) doctor, and that she had proof because there were cameras and microphones in the house. Then she reaches in her pocket and screams “I have the proof right here”! She pulled out a spoon.

4. They probably shouldn’t have lent him a car in the first place

My uncle framed my mom for a high speed accident he had on a highway in Spain. He was driving her car and hit a car and ran away. The car had two kids in the back but luckily no one was killed, and luckily my mom was in the U.S. and had an alibi. He´s an idiot and he´s in jail now.

5. The older he is the weirder this story becomes

I found my younger brother face down in the drained bathtub spreading his butt cheeks apart and sucking in air to make himself fart.

6. Sounds like a reasonable request

My step-father once kicked in my door at 4 A.M. and threw a live chicken on my head. All he said was “Put that up when you go to school.”

7. She’s just protective

My mum went all tribal and killed an Iguana with her hands that was scaring my friends at my Birthday party.

8. Good segway, Dad

When I was in junior high I wanted to go to a dance with a boy. My dad asked me what I would do if the boy said, “I’ll put my hands down your pants if you put your hands down mine”. That was his gross way of starting the talk.

9. This is just practical

My mom’s grandma had a duck named Eddie. Eddie could be a very mean, vicious bastard to people (i.e. my mother) he didn’t like, but very sweet to others (her grandma and her cousin, we’ll call her Abbie). Eddie and Abbie were especially inseparable. Well one day around Easter, Grandma and the other adults tell the kids that they decided Eddie should go live in the park with the other ducks and live a fulfilling duck life. None of the kids were particularly upset about this) except for the cousin. Cut to a few years later when they (my mother and her cousins) are about 14-16. Abbie and her brother (Billy) are arguing about something pretty intensely while my mom and my uncle are watching. Billy decides to go for the kill and yells, “WELL WE ATE YOUR DUCK FOR EASTER!” The argument stops, Abbie turns to my mom and uncle to ask if it was true to which they nodded the affirmative. As it was she was the only one who didn’t know Eddie’s true fate. And just a note, my grandma (at least according to my mother) didn’t do this out of maliciousness or spite but for practicality. Eddie wasn’t really a pet to her, just a farm animal.

10. Ok, that might be a little extreme

My great uncle thought that the best way to tell his own brother he disapproved of his sexual orientation was to get the KKK to burn a cross in his front yard.