You have an appointment to interview director David Lynch about his website, DavidLynch.com. The meeting will take place at Lynch's house in Los Angeles. As you follow the circuitous directions, zigging and zagging along the narrow switchbacks that inch up the Hollywood Hills, your mind reels about what to expect. Will a midget talking backwards answer the door? Will the Log Lady be chopping wood in the backyard? Will the bones of the Elephant Man hang over the fireplace?

Your first impression does not disappoint. America's beloved master of cinematic abstraction actually owns three houses. Two are gray and one is pink, and they are all modernist 1960s creations, designed by Lloyd Wright, son of Frank. They stick out in the rather plain-looking neighborhood, like squat concrete spaceships pausing before returning to the heavens.

You take a deep breath and rap on the front door of the house whose number you were given. A casually dressed young man answers. Lynch is expecting you. You are escorted through the house to a walkway that connects all three homes. You are led to the building at the top of the hill, which you are told is "the studio house." You are asked to wait in a large conference room. Leaning against the walls are giant abstract paintings (Lynch was a painter first), one of which looks like a decomposed hand clutching a paintbrush.

A moment later Lynch enters. His mood is light, and he smiles and laughs easily. His hair is customarily piled high, his white oxford shirt is buttoned to the top and he sports paint-splattered khakis and work boots. A stray nose hair curlicues from a nostril as he smokes, delicately pinching his cigarette with a thumb and middle finger.

For an hour you chat amiably about his website, which was launched in December of 2001. DavidLynch.com is an amazing creation. It features everything from original series -- including the violently nihilistic cartoon Dumbland and the spooky anthropomorphic drama Rabbits -- to a live stream of the birdfeeder in his backyard. Your conversation touches on topics as varied as why Lynch doesn't use the Internet himself to when and if he might add a porn section to his site. It's all quite normal and professional, except for the little black bug stuck to Lynch's chest that you can't stop staring at.

photo: Jon Leone