PLAYBOY: Do you get good treatment at strip clubs now?

COWELL: Fantastic, brilliant. What sealed the friendship between the three of us was going to a Hugh Hefner party at the Playboy Mansion for the first time. It was incredible; it really was. The best parties in the world, bar none. They're every guy's fantasy: 1,500 girls in lingerie who like you. That's how life should be. Sometimes you have to attend a party and you escape after an hour. With this one Randy, Ryan and I were like, "Two days to go!" "One day to go!" "One hour to go!"

PLAYBOY: Why isn't Abdul invited on your nights out?

COWELL: It would be like your little sister wanting to come out when you're 17. She's not invited.

PLAYBOY: What if she wanted to get onstage and grab the pole?

COWELL: She'd be more than welcome. We'd even pay her.

PLAYBOY: We notice you don't have a computer in your office.

COWELL: I don't know how to work a computer, and I do not want to know. I wouldn't know how to work an MP3 -- what do you call them? An iPod. I wouldn't know how to work one.

PLAYBOY: It's shocking that you don't have an iPod. We assume people who don't have iPods don't love music.

COWELL: Maybe that's what it is.

PLAYBOY: You don't love music?

COWELL: I love it at times. But if you work at a fish-and-chips shop, it's unlikely you're going to eat fish and chips at night. The idea of sitting in an audition room for 14 hours, listening to people murder Stevie Wonder songs, and then putting on my iPod so I can listen to more music -- it's like, No! I can't do it!

PLAYBOY: Could you go a month without listening to music?

COWELL: Easily. I go weeks and weeks without listening to music for pleasure. But I could go only two or three days without watching TV. Guys reach a point in our lives when we prefer TV to music. I have six TVs in my London house, including a little one in the bathroom. It's my favorite time for watching TV.

PLAYBOY: It's often written that your father was in the music business, but that's not actually true.

COWELL: Not really. He was on the board of directors at EMI, but the company had a record business, a publishing business, retail stores, cinemas and the property division. He ran the property division.

PLAYBOY: Would it be fair to say you grew up rich?

COWELL: Maybe at one point we would have been perceived as rich. I would describe it as comfortably well-off.

PLAYBOY: What sort of a man was your dad?

COWELL: I'd describe him as a realist. He didn't say a hell of a lot; he wasn't the biggest talker. Very good sense of humor.

PLAYBOY: Are you like him?

COWELL: I definitely talk more than he does. I probably take after my mum more than my dad.

PLAYBOY: You have a photo of your mother on your desk, and you're still very close. She even helped you get your first job, in the mail room at EMI Publishing.

COWELL: Yes, she did. I was working in a film studio as a runner. When the contract came up she saw an advertisement for a job in the mail room. She filled in the application form.

PLAYBOY: Are you a bit of a mama's boy?

COWELL: I wouldn't describe myself as a mama's boy, but I have a more open mind about how you should include your parents in your social life. I think the best family occasions have grandchildren to grandparents and everyone in between, all in one place.

PLAYBOY: You went bankrupt when you were 30 and moved back in with your parents. Were you embarrassed?

COWELL: No, I found the whole thing quite a relief. Everything went--my house, my Porsche, all the things I thought were important. I had nice food every night at home. I was quite happy, really. I didn't feel the slightest bit embarrassed that I was living with my parents, had no money and my car was worth £7,000. Couldn't have cared less.

PLAYBOY: You were just as confident.

COWELL: In a weird way, even more so because I thought, I've learned a lesson. It was my own fault; get on with it.

PLAYBOY: It seems you were a bit of a brat as a child.

COWELL: I was attracted to things I shouldn't have been attracted to -- smoking, drinking, not going to school. I got bored very quickly. I didn't like the discipline, didn't like the rules.

PLAYBOY: Have you changed much?

COWELL: A little. I understand about rules. I still don't like them.

PLAYBOY: Your personality has more American attributes than British ones: optimism, determination.

COWELL: Possibly. I've never been shy about saying why I do what I do: I do it for the money. Here in England they think that's crass or vulgar. But the truth is, 99 out of 100 people do it for the same reason; they just don't admit it.

PLAYBOY: You're also confrontational, which isn't very British.

COWELL: I can't bear icy politeness. My only awkward business relationships are with people who don't express the anger they feel toward me or the resentment or jealousy. Even though it's difficult sometimes, it's better to be open and honest. You call someone an asshole, he calls you an asshole, whatever.

PLAYBOY: And if someone calls you an asshole, you're not bothered by it.

COWELL: I don't lose sleep over it. I'm not in the liking Simon business. It's not what I do.

PLAYBOY: Actually you may be in the disliking Simon business.

COWELL: I'm in the reality business. At this stage it's not important whether people like or dislike me. I'm more interested in whether they're listening to me.

PLAYBOY: You don't have a frail constitution or tender ego.

COWELL: I'm not fragile, no. Everyone thinks I must be very egotistical to do what I do, and maybe I am. But I'm quite happy for people to poke fun at me. Certainly in a lot of the shows I'm involved with I have the ability to stop myself from looking ridiculous, but if I think it's the right thing for the show, I'm happy to keep that in.

PLAYBOY: In 2004 you created a show called The X Factor in the U.K. Your American Idol partner, Simon Fuller, sued you, claiming the show was an imitation of Pop Idol. So here's a theory: You started X Factor in order to have more leverage in your negotiations with Fuller about American Idol income.

COWELL: It was a lot to do with that, yeah. There were reasons, which I won't go into, for which I did have to give myself more leverage. So I took a risk, which was, Can I make a show as successful as Idol? The downside was that if it failed, then I'd have had nothing to do with the success of Idol. The upside was that if I could make another show as successful as Idol, I'd be in quite a strong position.

PLAYBOY: Your contract to appear on Idol had expired, right?

COWELL: It was up. I didn't have the record rights beyond four years. I made it very clear that unless I have the record rights I'm not doing the show.

PLAYBOY: So you threatened Fuller a little.

COWELL: No, I didn't threaten him. I just thought, I've got to even things up. It wasn't a threat.

PLAYBOY: The lawsuit was settled out of court. What did you gain in the agreement?

COWELL: We both got disarmament, I guess. I got the record rights, going forward, and he got from me a commitment to continue to do Idol and not put X Factor on in America. So we both came out a bit happy.

PLAYBOY: Did a harsh word ever pass between the two of you?

COWELL: Not really.

PLAYBOY: "Not really" isn't quite the same thing as "no."

COWELL: I was a bit bothered when his lawsuit said I'd stolen, because I don't steal. Other than that I slept very well.

PLAYBOY: So if you didn't steal, what did you do? Borrow? Reinterpret?

COWELL: I just did my own version of a talent show, in the same way we did our version with Idol. No one can own talent shows.

PLAYBOY: Now that you're signed for another five years, make a prediction: How long will American Idol last?

COWELL: God, I wouldn't have a clue. If everyone continues to get on well, we could do it for another 10 years.

PLAYBOY: Will Idol outlive us all?

COWELL: A few years ago I said to Fox, "Because you've scheduled us only once a year, maybe you have the musical Super Bowl." It's a big annual event you look forward to for two to three months before its return. It's not on all the time, so people may not get bored with it.

PLAYBOY: You have several other shows that have been on the air in the U.S. recently: Celebrity Duets, American Inventor and America's Got Talent. Aren't all these shows just variations on Idol?

COWELL: Not really, no. I've been making TV shows for only three or four years. I'm still trying to learn the business.

PLAYBOY: Did you know you've been memorialized in the song "I Hate You Simon Cowell!" by Nonnie Thompson?

COWELL: I don't know if I've heard that.

PLAYBOY: Would you like to hear it?

COWELL: Oh my God, why not? [listens to about 30 seconds of the song on his stereo] It's the most boring song I've heard in my life. [listens to another 20 seconds] It's terrible. Can I take it off?

PLAYBOY: You're not curious to hear the rest?

COWELL: Absolutely not. Awful. Awful. Embarrassing.

PLAYBOY: Your girlfriend is Terri Seymour, a reporter on the TV show Extra. What attracted you to her?

COWELL: There's something I call the daytime test. If you take a girl out at night, it's a breeze. You can drink; it's dark. The daytime is a whole new area. She passed the daytime test.

PLAYBOY: How long have you been with her?

COWELL: Four years. It's my longest relationship, by a mile.

PLAYBOY: Usually people who come from a happy family want to get married and have kids. Why not you?

COWELL: I don't know, actually. It all feels a bit grown-up, doesn't it? I don't think I would be great marriage material. I don't think I'm that reliable.

PLAYBOY: Are you faithful? The British tabloids reported last summer that you were having an affair with a 21-year-old, who had been photographed leaving your house in the early morning hours.

COWELL: No, I don't want to discuss that. I've never spoken about tabloid stories, all that kind of stuff. I don't want to go there.

PLAYBOY: Okay. Seymour has said, "Women are just desperate to get near him."

COWELL: Maybe one or two, not many.

PLAYBOY: In the course of the show, have you been propositioned?

COWELL: Probably, yes, while we're on the road, doing auditions. Funny enough, it's usually a mother rather than a contestant.

PLAYBOY: What does that prove?

COWELL: It proves I'm getting on a bit, that's what it proves. [laughs]

PLAYBOY: Don't pretend you don't recall the details. What happened?

COWELL: One mother from an early season made it quite clear what was on offer. I can't remember the city, but she collared me in the corridor and said, "I'd like to do this, this and this." And she was attractive.

PLAYBOY: Let's say you had a free pass to sleep with any contestant from the show. Who would it be?

COWELL: I don't think any of them have been that cute. The only one I had a crush on wasn't a contestant; she was a contestant's auntie. Which sounds odd, I know. But if you met the auntie, you'd understand. It was -- Christ, what's her name? Season one, dark hair, spoke back to me, wasn't that good a singer. Ryan Starr was her name. Anyway, her auntie turned up. "Who the hell is that?"

PLAYBOY: No sexual interest in Carrie Underwood?

COWELL: No.

PLAYBOY: Fantasia?

COWELL: No, no, no, no, no.

PLAYBOY: Clay Aiken?

COWELL: Give me a break. With one or two of them you think, You're cute. But I can't say any of them is my type. I like them older and a bit more vampy. If you saw Ryan Starr's auntie, that is much more my type.

PLAYBOY: Before Seymour you dated some strippers. What's the appeal?

COWELL: Well, who wouldn't want to date a stripper? I mean, this is a girl who's comfortable taking her clothes off in public. Fantastic.

PLAYBOY: There is the jealousy factor. While you're at a movie, she's dancing naked in front of a bunch of guys.

COWELL: Number one, it wouldn't bother me. Number two, I don't think I've had long relationships with strippers. I think we've had flings--that's probably a better way to describe them.

PLAYBOY: If we tested you, what drugs would we find?

COWELL: Imitrex, which I take for migraines.

PLAYBOY: That's it? You've never even smoked pot?

COWELL: Once at a party years ago, but I didn't like it. I don't drink a lot. I smoke too many cigarettes, but that's my one big vice. I like to be in control.

PLAYBOY: Any interest in giving up cigarettes?

COWELL: I am loving this right now. [exhales smoke] Loving it. By banning smoking, they've made it worse for everybody. Now when you fly you're in a sealed germ tube. They used to suck the smoke out and pump fresh air in.

PLAYBOY: Do you have a germ phobia?

COWELL: A little bit, yes. On a plane, you've got 300 people around you for 11 hours. It's like, Oh Christ, this is not good.

PLAYBOY: Would you wear a mask during a flight?

COWELL: I would be quite happy to wear a mask. In fact, I bought one once. Then I thought, I'm turning into Michael Jackson.

PLAYBOY: Where do the migraines come from?

COWELL: From stress, not eating or sleeping properly, those kinds of things.

PLAYBOY: Is it possible you have migraines for other reasons? Are there things in your life you're not happy about?

COWELL: I'm quite happy at the moment, but every hour I go through some sort of anguish. Usually over failure -- things don't meet your expectations, they don't do as well as you want, other people do better than you. All that stuff bothers me.

PLAYBOY: Have you had plastic surgery?

COWELL: No.

PLAYBOY: That's an honest answer? You haven't done anything?

COWELL: I have veneers on my teeth. They were a godsend. I had Botox three years ago. Everyone tried it when it first came out. People ask if I dye my hair. No. Have I had plastic surgery? No.

PLAYBOY: In 2002 you were voted one of the sexiest men alive by People magazine.

COWELL: I wasn't.

PLAYBOY: You were. You got no enjoyment out of seeing yourself in the same pages as Brad Pitt?

COWELL: I got one major piece of enjoyment.

PLAYBOY: What was that?

COWELL: Ryan Seacrest wasn't chosen. [laughs] Which I loved. That gave me total pleasure.

PLAYBOY: How did you make sure he saw a copy of the magazine?

COWELL: Oh, there must have been at least 20 copies in my dressing room. And he was very quickly invited in. I had copies of the magazine everywhere.

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