Here is the third and final installment of letters we have received from men who don’t want sex as much as their wives or girlfriends:

J.G. of Providence, Rhode Island, writes, “At the risk of offending the women who can’t figure out why their boyfriends or husbands aren’t in the mood: It’s a matter of effort. If you can’t get your man in the mood it is likely that you routinely screw like a dead fish. If you just lay on your back  while he does all the work, he might as well masturbate.”

“My wife and I have been together for eight years,” says B.B. of Chico, California. “At first we had sex almost daily, then things started to taper off. Now we have sex about once a week, almost always with her being the one to initiate it. I would be fine with us having sex only once or twice a month. Why have I lost interest? Part of it is due to struggles to keep our sex life interesting, but the biggest reason is my wife’s physical changes. She has gained more than 40 pounds since we met. Not only has the weight gain left her less attractive to me, it hinders the range of sexual positions we can engage in and/or make some positions less comfortable. It would be terrific if she could finally lose weight, but I don’t think it will ever happen. I still love her, she is still my best friend and I hope we stay together forever.”
“Why aren’t men fucking their women?” says B.L. from Claremont, California. “You must be kidding me. If Bruce Willis can break up with Demi Moore, or Brad Pitt leave Jennifer Aniston, then obviously any man can get bored with any woman. In A Fine and Private Place, Peter Beagles writes, “A good marriage is a race between total knowledge of each other and death. If death comes first, it’s considered a successful marriage.” Spare me the sermons from those of you in quarter-century long marriages who still rut like wildebeests during a full moon. There are about 10 of you, and by that I mean five couples. You are freaks. The guy who is getting some on the side or the guy who is exhausted from working two shifts are exceptions. But by and large most of us slow down because we know exactly what’s going to happen. The solution, of course, is to be honest with your wife before you marry and have an open marriage. My wife and I have two rules. No one else becomes more important, emotionally or otherwise, than we are to each other. And we never fuck someone else without letting each other know. It may not work for everyone, but it beats the hell out of the boredom and it takes the number one reason that couples break up out of the equation.”

E.M. of McMinnville, Tennessee writes: “My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. About 12 to 15 years back the frequency dropped off to about once a month. Many of my passes were ignored or spurned. I would try to talk to her about it, but how can you miss what you do not want? I still had love in my heart and lust in my loins, but I noticed that the minute I decided to inform my partner of my desires I would get anxious about being spurned again. About five years back my sex drive was all but gone. I asked the doctor about it, and blood tests confirmed that I wasn’t producing much testosterone anymore. My doctor recommended a monthly testosterone injection. For that first month it was like being a puppy again. Unfortunately my wife was still tired or not in the mood. I never went back for another shot. Approaching my 50th birthday I am quite content knowing that I never again need sex, but I am not to sure how to break the news to her. I still love her and plan to stay married the rest of my life because we are best friends.”

J.P. of San Francisco tells us: “My wife seems to want sex only at night. I am the most horny when I first wake up in the morning. My wife has told me in no uncertain terms that I had better not ever try to have sex with her in the morning since that's when she gets her best sleep. My next most horny time of the day is when I first get home from work. But between the kids and dinner in the oven, this is also not a good time for her, so she tells me, ‘Maybe tonight.’ That usually means no. Later in the evening, after the kids are in bed and she has had a chance to relax, she may finally be receptive to sex but it is now 11 p.m. and I have to get up early for work. When I was younger I would gladly give up sleep for sex but now I'm in my mid-40s and I need eight hours or I have a miserable next day. To sum this up, I get rejected twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. I can't speak for the women that wrote to the Advisor complaining about their partner’s lack of desire, but I suspect they turn him down quite frequently without really realizing. My wife and I are attempting to solve our problem by being more receptive to each other’s needs. She has agreed to submit to my advances no matter what time of day and I have agreed to do what is necessary to get her in the mood when I want it (usually a foot or back rub). Now, we have sex at various times of the day and we are both happier.”