A brouhaha has broken out over the “anti-virgin” bias of the hosts of American Idol. Last week, Bruce Dickson, 19, showed up at the Dallas auditions. When asked by Simon Cowell what the judges should know about him besides his love of music, Dickson revealed that he had never kissed a girl. A devout Christian, he says he plans to have his first kiss at the wedding ceremony. His father had given him a key that he wears around his neck to symbolize that “there’s one woman out there for me.”
Randy Jackson advised him to “go kiss some girls,” and Simon Cowell suggested he “avoid Ryan (Seacrest) on the way out." For good reason – Seacrest ended the segment by saying, "Maybe next year he'll come back less a boy and more a man."
The comments were rude, although nothing you don’t expect to hear on American Idol auditions. Later Dickson would say: “A real man would rather wait than just do whatever with whoever…. I respect women and don't think of them as a sexual object, and I'm the freak?"
The next day on Fox News, Shepard Smith invited Sarah Preston, an editor at Playboy.com, to provide some perspective. "I would have told him to go to first, second, third, fourth and fifth” bases, she said. “I'm not belittling Bruce's Christian beliefs, but I do think being in tune with one's own sexuality goes a long way in being confident with yourself. Confidence is key, especially for American Idol.”
She continued, “These kids become sex objects, thrust into the spotlight. And while I know they're all trying to stand out, especially during the audition period, using your Christian beliefs and the fact that you've never kissed a girl is not going to bode well for you while trying out to be America's next big sex object.
"It's a national popularity contest based on talent and sex appeal," she concluded. "There's nothing sexy about a 19-year-old guy who's never kissed a girl and wears a heart necklace his father is holding the key to."
Preston makes some great points, but let’s cut to the chase: The reason Dickson is being mocked is not because he’s a virgin but because he and his father appear to be as sex-obsessed as the guys who write us each month because they’re gone bankrupt watching Internet porn. Even if the producers put Dickson up to it, it comes off as peculiar in any context if someone asks you what they should know about you and you immediately start talking about your sex life. “Well, Simon, you should know I whack off three times a day, occasionally while watching the show.” “Well, Randy, besides belting out ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the shower, I can’t come unless I’m sniffing a leather riding crop.” “That’s a great question, Paula. Besides singing, I enjoy trying not to think about sex – damn! I keep thinking about it.”
For the record, Playboy has no problem with anyone who chooses celibacy before marriage –- the sexual revolution isn’t about having sex, but about having the freedom to make your own decisions. That said, we’d love an invite to Dickson’s wedding, because if that’s his first kiss he’s going to pop some serious wood at the altar.
Anyway, this back-and-forth reminds us of a letter we published in February 2007:
I am a 24-year-old virgin and proud of it. I take a lot of criticism from friends and co-workers. It’s not the criticism that bothers me but the fact that they feel the need to criticize. I’m not Quasimodo, I’m not impotent, and I’m not a mama’s boy. When I meet a woman I want to sleep with, I’ll do it. I’ve had opportunities but turned them down because I didn’t want to have sex with those particular girls. When did it become a crime to be a virgin past the age of 16? Sex is a rite of passage, but it takes more than that to be a man.-- D.R., Dover, New Jersey
Your friends and co-workers aren’t giving you a hard time because you’re a virgin but because you won’t shut up about it. What else is going on in your life?
The next June we heard from a reader who had this comment:
In answer to the guy’s question in February about what’s wrong with being a 24-year-old virgin, nothing is inherently wrong with it, but a woman expects a guy to have some erotic expertise by a certain age. Most of us had our fill of five-minute sex in high school. Not to mention that if he would like his first sexual partner to be a virgin as well, the odds get slimmer for him the longer he waits.--T.W., Orlando, Florida
This could work out well if he meets a woman who is turned on by the idea of deflowering a virgin. On the downside, the lucky winner will have a hard time getting rid of him.
RSS 2.0
Comments on this entry:
Regarding Bruce Dickson's pledge to sexual abstinence until marriage, Sarah Preston stated
that she isn't belittling his Christian beliefs, but that 'being in tune with one's own sexuality goes a long way in being confident with yourself'.
What does having sex with someone before marriage have to do with being confident with oneself? Any child is able to see that reasoning doesn't make sense, that the one who doesn't have to experiment with this or that or give in to behaviors that others are participating in is the one who is displaying and feeling the greatest self-confidence.
Bruce's stand shows the highest level of self-confidence. He is much more in tune with his own sexuality than those who have been
sexually active before marriage. He understands what his sexuality is, that it is all about who he is and will be, the man for one woman who will
be faithful to her for life, that will be able to give the gift of sex as a true wedding gift to her. It will be something special that was not ever used by anyone else. He is able to give her (and himself) something that no one who has engaged in premarital sex will ever be able to. He knows the value of his sexuality and that of his future wife, that it is priceless and
not something to be handed around. If most everyone prefers a new car to a used one, for example, or receiving a new gift to a used one, why would so many settle for 'used' sexuality which is so much more valuable than a car or any gift in the world? One's sexuality is so valuable and to be cherished and protected.
I believe anyone who is married that has engaged in sexual activity before will have regrets that they had not kept themselves only for this one
special lifetime partner. Bruce will never have that regret!
Regarding his answer to the judges' initial question, (I don't believe your wording is correct; it wasn't asked what they 'should' know about him), he was set up to answer that because of the pre-audition interview. And why is there the complaint that he answered what he did? Did he really immediately talk about his sex life? I thought he was talking about saving his sex life. And it isn't blabbing when so much in the media, magazines, the internet show sexually explicit matter? Sexual innuendos, verbal and non-verbal, as well as blatant sexual matter is so "in-your-face", even when one didn't ask for it. I never heard Playboy or others who have taken issue with Bruce and his stand say or do anything about that. And Playboy magazine isn't blabbing about individuals' sex lives? You say, 'one has the choice to read or not read'. One has the choice to watch American Idol, too. But, there is far more that is put out in front of not just adults, but kids as well, about sex that we didn't ask for and that we aren't being given the choice not to see and hear.
Bruce has made a commitment that I believe many wish they had and regret they can't undo their choices. The good thing is that they can always make the choice from now on. And he has a loving, not dysfunctional or sick, relationship with his father. His father has raised him well and he is holding him accountable, giving him support through a tough decision that obviously isn't popular. And on his wedding day, he will be the happiest guy and his bride the luckiest girl. Because he has made this commitment, he will have an awesome wedding day and incredible honeymoon, but it takes a man of self-confidence and self-control to be able to do so, and, to use your lack-of-class language, he won't "pop some serious wood" at the altar!
I imagine there are very few women who will feel lucky to date a guy who won't kiss them (can they hold hands?), so certainly the woman who becomes his wife will be special in that way. Why do the Christians who are most vocal about their choice to remain celibate presume that people who don't "save" themselves can only be having the most debasing, cheap, unsatisfying, unromantic, quick, smelly, diseased and painful intercourse, doing “whatever with whoever,” as Dickson puts it? Whether or not you’ve had premarital sex has nothing to with whether you can or will have a good marriage.