03.17.08 5:00 AM CDT
• Pop Culture
• Playboy Staff
Fashion Assistant Conor Hogan hates St. Patty’s Day; Junior Editor Rocky Rakovic is beginning to hate him. Conor: With a name like Conor Patrick Hogan, most people think that I treat St. Paddy’s day as one of the holiest holidays of the year. Far from it. I like dark, quiet pubs where I can sit at the bar, drink my drink and not be bothered, which is not the case on March 17th. This St. Patrick’s Day, as with the four previous, I’ll be sitting at home sipping British tea and listening to The Who.
Rocky: How different is that from your normal Friday night? My surname may not be Irish but my mother’s side bleeds green. I too prefer dark pubs to the gaudy clubs but this is Irish Catholic pride day, the day pasty guys like us emerge from the dim lit publick houses embrace the sun for a minute and show some pride. In regards to your plans for Paddy’s day (it’s cool--I’m part Irish so I can say that) that’s just a slap in the face of your countrymen who made it through The Troubles. Conor: Here are a few more reasons I hate the holiday including the fact that I don’t even have the day off: -Parades should only be held when we win a championship or a war.
Rocky: Agreed. I haven’t been since I was seven but we can’t avoid it this year as it runs past our office.
Conor: Gel-haired muscle-heads whose last names end with a vowel, yelling “Erin Go Brah, bro!”
Rocky: If it were up to me I wouldn’t want the yahoos to bend elbows next to me on any day either, but isn’t it a little cool that other ethnicities want to share in our day? I know it’s like celebrating Christmas just for the presents, yet how many people celebrate other ethnicities’ days? What did you do Columbus Day? Chinese New Year?
Conor: U2 is not Irish music.
Rocky: I also agree. Other than Dave Matthews, no singer annoys me more than Bono. I’ll be blasting the Pogues from my cube all day.
Conor: Fiddles sound terrible. Rivers should never be dyed green. Green beer?
Rocky: Yes, again, on the latter two you are right. Here’s a tip though: if you want to avoid the gel-haired dudes don’t go to any bar serving green beer.
Conor: Bad Guinness. It is the one day when there is no drinking on the train. Countless urine puddles.
Rocky: There is nothing worse than a bad Guinness tap and maybe this is one day that there really shouldn’t be any drinking on the train, just to keep the urine puddles out of the subway cars…
Conor: Corned beef and cabbage tastes terrible even when you’re drunk.
Rocky: Though I like those two foods even sober I don’t associate them with our people.
Conor: Pale girls are seldom attractive.
Rocky: False.
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