One thing to ponder as Eliot Spitzer resigns following revelations he availed himself of the services of an escort service: How can prostitution possibly be illegal in this country?

Think about it. You can have sex for money as long as a video camera is rolling, but for some reason you can’t have sex for money without a camera present. You can sell all sorts of other body-touching services like massage, and even bodily fluids such as sperm. Groups fight for the right to self-determination when it comes to other aspects of the body—abortion rights, for instance, the right to use birth control or the right to refuse medical treatment. You can get tattoos, plastic surgery and other permanent alterations made to your own body. And prostitution is legal in parts of the U.S., famously in Nevada.

Why federal agents spend time and money thwarting sexual acts between consenting adults is something we as a society should revisit—particularly given the current rhetoric about the resources necessary to fight would-be terrorists. Prostitution should be decriminalized just as sodomy laws and the like have been struck from the books.

The Mann Act, the law under which Spitzer would be tried, is also an embarrassing relic with dodgy racist origins. The first person prosecuted under the Mann Act was Jack Johnson, the first black heavyweight boxing champ, whose crime was essentially having a white girlfriend. For more on this, check out this piece on the Root.

Yesterday, for the first time ever, Playboy Radio aired an interview with Oscar-winning screenwriter Diablo Cody that was recorded at the time she published her memoir, "Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper." On Sunday, Cody won the Oscar for best screenplay for Juno, one of 2007's most acclaimed films.

After the jump, you'll find four excerpts from the twenty-minute interview with Playboy Radio's Tiffany Granath, which will re-air on Playboy Radio on Sirius 198 on Thursday and Saturday at 1:30 p.m. PT during the Afternoon Advice show.

 

 

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Two dispatches from the continent:

Sarah Green, a very attractive teacher from the UK, was suspended after some of her students surfed the net and found this commercial she appeared in. Her dismissal is outrageous-- she filmed the spot before she was hired as a teacher, and always behaved appropriately around her students. On the other hand, if this video was aired in the US it would have definitely made our “21 Sexiest Commercials” in the February issue.

Meanwhile, as much as we’re suffering from the writers’ strike, the Italians may have it worse.  

If you thought some of the people on your Christmas list were hard to please, intern Ben Conniff's latest discovery should make you feel fortunate: 

If you find a bookstore gift card in your stocking on Christmas, keep your eyes (and your mind) open. Dennis DiClaudio’s Deviant’s Pocket Guide to the Outlandish Sexual Desires Barely Contained in Your Subconscious hits shelves December 26. DiClaudio is a comedian and fiction writer who has recently turned to more “scientific” research.

The guide covers every fetish you can imagine in comical but factual detail. DiClaudio introduces each obsession by envisioning a practitioner’s ideal fantasy. Then he gives facts about the fetish, its psychological origins, and important things you should consider if you’re feeling tempted (“If castration is your thing, you can really only do it the once. So you’d better make certain you enjoy yourself that one time”). Believe it or not, every one of these oddities exists and has actual followers.

Among the most obscure desires are the robotofetish (lusting after unfeeling automatons who may or may not want to take over the world), the inflation fetish (the desire to see your partner blown up like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka) and, of course, the fursuit fetish (getting hot for people dressed like animals—a cat, a teddy bear… perhaps a bunny?) Maybe some of these fantasies aren’t so outlandish after all.

I’ve always had a strong professional interest in masturbation, so everyone in the office had the same instinct to forward me a link to the now-infamous Wal-Mart flasher.

Apparently a college student going by the moniker BaseballPlaya posted 31 videos at the voyeur site XTube that show him stroking himself inside a Wal-Mart and numerous stores at a mall in Glendale, Arizona. (Calling his mechanical technique “masturbation” is a disservice to the art of self-abuse.) BP removed his videos and profile from XTube shortly after the Consumerist blog first linked to them. Now KTVK-3TV reports that the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office has stepped up patrols inside the mall to prevent any more of what the station calls this “absolutely disgusting” behavior. KTVK also reports that “Glendale police are investigating whether videos posted on the web are in fact legit.” (!) Would love to know how that is done.

BaseballPlaya has visible cojones but is certainly no innovator—this type of deviant behavior has been occurring for years in libraries (and Arizona college students appear to be especially adept). What’s particularly interesting about this tale is that within minutes of watching the video we had located a prime suspect for BaseballPlaya; perhaps the police have done the same. Whether this is the right guy or not, when a real person is attached to the video, any rubbernecking value it may have drops to zero—instead you see a 20-year-old kid who needs help. We hope BaseballPlaya takes the hint before he finds himself with another profile online that he won’t be able to take down.

We needed a female perspective on erotic writing, so we turned to our intern Nicole DeLuca for some help:

This past week, I had the pleasure of reading Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women, a collection of erotic stories written by and for women. Editor Rachel Kramer Bussel compiles a plethora of intense, sexual fantasies imagined by the everyday female mind, and all I can say is: cold shower, anyone?

Each essay had its own kinky fabrication, reminding us that men aren’t the only ones with sex on the mind. If anything, these stories outweigh any porn video that man ever created. From masturbation with the help of a stranger to steamy, "I want to make you bleed" sex, it'll leave you with a puddle of drool and the urge to jump on anyone who walks by you.

The book won’t be in stores until March 2008, but that doesn’t mean you can’t think of your own erotic fantasies in the meantime. "Dirty Girls is bound to inspire you to do something dirty," it proclaims, and I can promise you that yes, it certainly does. With that said, it's now time to chain myself to my desk so I don’t become the target of a sexual-harassment suit.

Our fall intern Nicole DeLuca has some dating advice for guys:

Oftentimes, what a man seems to be and what he actually is are quite different. Case in point: I had plans one night to meet a guy at a local mall. A few of my friends came along as a safety device, of course. He seemed interesting, so I decided to take everyone to my backyard instead of standing in the parking lot—I’m such the romantic. The chemistry between us was surprisingly strong, and even my friends were giving me the “good find” gesture.

Then things went awry.

We started talking about sex, a normal conversational topic among people my age. Normal stuff at first, but then this:

“I’ve done some bad things to girls, but I like to get them out now rather than later.” (There won’t be a “later,” buddy.) “I bent her over my pool table and broke a CD over her head,” talking about a girl he’d slept with. The smirk on his face made me cringe. Did he really think that his sex stories were going to make me wild and crazy for him?

He went on to say, “You know that girl I introduced you to in the parking lot?” Jumping off my top deck seemed like a good option at this point. “Well I had sex with her last night. That’s why she was following me. She wants me bad.” 

A fake yawn came out of my mouth. “I’m really tired. It was nice talking to you, but I need to go to bed. Too much partying I guess.” A few forced laughs and smiles later and I finally had him walking to his car. He leaned up against the door, waiting for me to make the move to kiss him, because obviously he was irresistible to every woman. I gave him a pat on the back. “It was nice meeting you. I’ll talk to you soon.”  Before he could spit out one word, I did a two-step and started to jog back to my house. I waved goodbye and slammed my front door: There is a god.

This story should illustrate the dos and don’ts of blind dating, or perhaps a lesson for all men to learn from. I’ll say it once and only once—the first time you meet a woman, and you want to get in her pants, DO NOT tell her that you slept with a ton of women, and/or slammed a CD over someone’s head during sex.

Two researchers at the University of Texas, Cindy Meston and David Buss, released a study in August’s Archives of Sexual Behavior categorizing and listing the reasons people have sex. Our intern Lynsey Gilchrist reiewed their work:

The researchers found a total of 237 reasons—everything from wanting to feel closer to God or have a baby to being dared or wanting a workout. As it turns out, "I have a headache" is for many people Not a reason to avoid sex, but a reason to start. "To get rid of a headache" came in at number 173 (having an orgasm releases seratonin, which gets rid of headaches).

Women’s reasons were more emotional but, perhaps contrary to popular opinion, men said they used sex to gain status more frequently than women. Men also said they had sex just because the opportunity was there more frequently than women. Luckily, animal instincts still trump all: both men and women ranked being attracted to their partner as their most important reason for having sex.

It didn’t take long before news of this study circulated around our offices that Playboy’s editors concluded that a list of 237 reasons seemed frighteningly short. Here are 50 more:

 1. Because if I don't, the terrorists win.
 2. Preparation for a future movie role.
 3. It’s part of my work with the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
 4. To get rid of the gross of condoms I purchased on eBay.
 5. So she would do my laundry.
 6. The cab driver said he didn’t mind.
 7. Although he was rather homely, he was wearing expensive Italian clothing.
 8. I didn't want to pay the speeding ticket.
 9. Her hindparts were red and engorged, indicating she was in heat.
10. It was on my checklist of things to do before I die
11. It was something to do in that half hour between South Park and Daily Show.
12. Master insists or else I get no dinner.
13. Wii tennis elbow prevented me from getting the job done myself
14. I read something in the Playboy Advisor and wanted to see if it was true.
15. The elders forbid it, and I'm so sick of being pushed around by them.
17. The sign outside said "Have sex—get cookie."
18. I was trying to determine the person's gender.
19. There's not much else to do up here in space.
20. I thought the person was someone else.
21. I was told it is the customary greeting in this country.
22. I didn't know it was sex when I had it. Sorry.
23. I was in the shower and I slipped. Honest, that's how it happened.
24. To become his bitch, so that he would protect me from the other inmates.
25. I was trying to kill my husband, a rich old oil tycoon with a bad ticker.
26. I thought it would be the best way to relieve my case of priapism, an erection lasting more than four hours. No such luck, though.
27. It's the latest dance craze: "The sex."
28. The high priestess said it would ensure a bountiful harvest.
29. I am part of a secret government program seeking to breed a race of super-soldiers.

30. It was the old lady or Lenny Briscoe, and the old lady won.
31. There was a misprint in the assembly instructions of a bookshelf I bought at Ikea.
32. It's good to drain the pipes before cold weather sets in.
33. I wanted to give the surge a chance to succeed.
34. I don't see my cousins that often.
35. No more Harry Potter books to read.
36. I was testing for steroids.
37. I was trying to remove that new-car smell.
38. Wait, I did what with who?
39. When Bob said ``Look, nobody can do it standing up in a hammock. . . ‘’
40. The boss ordered us to go to the mattresses, and one thing led to another.
41. I didn’t spend all that time inflating her for nothing...
42. Because I saw a boobie.
43. It's better than not having sex.
44. I wanted Paula to say nice things about my performance on American Idol.
45. Erroneous belief that the world was about to end.
46. Dogfighting not doing it for me anymore.
47. If you’re making a homemade sex tape, it’s kind of the sine qua non.
48. I thought it offered me the best chance to succeed Rosie on `The View.'
49. Lack of imagination.
50. To stop the ticking... The ticking of my hideous biological clock!

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours” is the slogan for the new play My First Time. Performed in the minimalist style of The Vagina Monologues, the performance features two actors and two actresses on stage reciting excerpts from more than 40,000 tales of lost viginity submitted by users on MyFirstTime.com.

Notable stories included quotes like:

“I remember my first sexual experience. I was alone at the time!” (Story #6509)

“I still have the Metallica shirt he wore that night.” (Story #23960)
 
“File mine under clumsy and awkward!” (Story #4294)

“As I recall, I was pretty good at it. No really!” (Story #143)

Our summer interns Sarah Euler and Lynsey Gilchrist went to the New World Stages on West 49h Street in Manhattan last week for a press preview of the show.

Lynsey: I was kind of skeptical. I’m usually not into the whole four-people-sitting-around-talking thing, but I was actually really impressed.

Sarah: I didn’t know what to expect when I heard about the show. I thought the actors would just be reading funny stories from the website. While many of the stories were amusing (What lasted longer, your first time, or the commercial that was playing on TV at the time?), they included some that were sad. The variety of stories and emotions made the play more entertaining. The comedic timing of those funny stories was perfect for each situation. The audience would be silent after upsetting stories, but then be laughing again only minutes later.

L: Especially when the actors started reading quotes from the surveys everyone in the audience filled out (What would you tell your first if they were standing in front of you?: That she still turns me on after 20 years every time I hold her hand). That was the best part, and it makes every show different—although I did feel kind of bad for whoever had to sit back stage and tally up the surveys so fast.

S: I liked that the stories were all different and we weren’t hearing the same ones we’ve heard before. I was afraid that some of the stories would be overkill, but the variety kept me wanting more.

L: I agree, and I was surprised by how balanced the stories were. You had submissions by everyone from priests to real-life 40-year-old virgins to people who lost it when they were 12 and even story #1853 about a man in his university radio station during World War II.

S: There were a few stories that did not seem too out of the ordinary, but there were a few that I was shocked by. Some almost seemed unreal. At one point, I even heard some audience members gasp during a story about rape—and interestingly, a can of Coke. But they did a good job balancing those stories with some funny ones. The mood changes throughout kept my attention and interest.

L: Overall I really liked it. I thought a lot of stories would be read just for shock value, but the submissions they chose all had good messages.  

S: The show definitely has more to it than just being funny. Part of the proceeds go to Sex Etc., a sex ed program.
   
My First Time is performed at the New World Stages every Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m.

On the heels of last week’s revelations about Louisiana Senator David Vitter’s assignations with prostitutes, Florida Senator Bill Nelson bares his soul.

Heather Veitch talks to naked girls about Jesus. In 2004, the former stripper started JC’s Girls, a Las Vegas-based ministry that reaches out to strippers by—well, it’s best to let her explain it. We’re ambivalent, to put it mildly, about the concept, but found her interesting to talk to anyway. JC Aevaliotis talked to Heather:

What is JC’s Girls, and how did it happen?

I was an exotic dancer for 4 years, then I became the typical Judgmental Jerk Christian, pointing my finger at that world in disgust. Then a friend from my past died from alcoholism. That’s when I got the idea of going into strip clubs and buying lap dances. It seemed important to me not to just interrupt their work and start talking to them about God. Their time is valuable. So I brought a team of six girls into a club. We all went in, bought dances and talked to the girls about God. Our responses were anything from blank stares to absolute joy.

What was it like for you when you stopped stripping and went to church?

I faced a lot of judgment and gossip. I was also bisexual before I became a Christian, and some of the women would say “Be careful trying on clothes in front of Heather, she’ll be checking you out.” Your typical church woman didn’t really do it for me, though. Honestly, I would think to myself “Girl, don’t flatter yourself.”

Did JC’s Girls attend the most recent Adult Video News conference?

Yes—our booth was in the gay adult video section. I have some awesome friends that do gay porn, so I bought them all cowboy Bibles.

Cowboy Bibles?

Yeah, they’re these Bibles someone made for cowboys, they have little saddles on the cover. My gay-porn friends think they’re hilarious.

How do you prepare your less-experienced JC’s Girls colleagues for something like the AVN conference?

I explain everything that they’re going to see: “You’re going to see porn with clowns having sex, porn with midgets having sex, porn with rape simulations.” My partner Lori and I run the ministry, 24-7 at the convention, and we go out to the clubs after. The other girls volunteer do half-days, and we provide them with counseling.

You feel it’s important for you to socialize with the people you’re trying to help—but when you’re out on the town with porn stars and strippers, where do you draw the line?

I won’t do anything that I consider a sin, but that’s about it. As long as I’m not getting naked, not doing things that God wouldn’t call me to do, I treat it like being out at a buffet where I’m witnessing gluttony. If the girls I’m out with are hustling some guy, I just watch it go down. I’m not called to judge them in that moment, and they need to know they can share anything with me. Many of these girls ruin any relationship they have in life, so even if they burn me, I’m still there. I have relationships with guys as well: drug dealers, VIP hosts, club owners, swingers. I’m up front about what I do—you’d think that I’d be shunned. But I shed my prudish ways. I’m fun, I like to dance, I’ll have a glass of wine.

What’s it like trying to get church leaders on board?

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Instead of a pool, our summer intern Lynsey Gilchrist seems to have been immersing herself in scientific literature. Here’s her report:

When you open up to Playboy’s centerfold each month, where do your eyes go first? If you’re anything like the men who participated in a new study by Emory University researchers, the first place you looked was the Playmate’s face.

The study set up participants with eye trackers and showed them pictures of men and women having sex. The male participants looked at the women’s faces first. The female participants’ eyes, on the other hand, went straight to the action.

The study’s authors suggest this may be because looking at a naked man easily shows the state of his sexual arousal, but women’s bodies don’t reveal much. Men look at women’s faces first to see if they are enjoying themselves.

This has even led some to question why the likes of Amanda Beard and Pamela Anderson would go to the trouble of undressing for Playboy. (Although just because men look at faces first doesn’t mean that’s the only place they look.)

Either way, men’s brains respond more to sexual stimuli than women’s. The study suggests that increased response is partially due to men’s increased attention on faces.

Maybe the next time a guy tells me I have a nice smile, I’ll actually believe him.

As the story goes, Norwegian model/singer Lene Alexandra suffered a potential injury to the pectoral region during a game of soccer. She hit one or both of her mammary glands on something, or perhaps something hit one or both of them. Given the size of the gland(s) in question, and their importance to Lene’s career, this was a potentially serious accident. When a friend inquired as to