C.L. from Alberta writes: “To the gentleman in April’s issue interested in becoming a ‘known’ sperm donor; although the Advisor did in fact provide sound advice, as a lesbian couple considering insemination we appreciate the thought, even though we question your intent, but also encourage your donation through a cryobank with open donor programs. Unless of course you’re a blue eyed, blond haired, 6’ German athlete or, as my wife calls it, our needle in a haystack...we’ll take you! And yes, gentleman, Playboy caters to all those who appreciates exquisite taste and gorgeous women, including a lezzie or two.”

Many cat lovers wrote to express their dissatisfaction with our responses in the April issue. On this topic, A.R. writes with a contrary view: “If your wife is so obsessed with her cats then you should run for your life.  Cat chicks are wacky and I am a chick so I would know. Dogs are another thing -- I have two dogs and though I would never choose them over my 11-year relationship. One of them was a stray who had been beat and burned so has his quirks. He pushed my man to the point he wanted to get rid of him; I cried and worked hard with the dog to get him to behave. Dogs are different -- they are family, want to be with you, and part of the pack. There is a bond there but cats and cat chicks are nutso and cats cannot have their behavior modified. Thanks for letting me put my two cents in!”

You’re welcome, although we are not foolhardy enough to step into a fight between dog and cat lovers.
 

“The letter in April about why so many women shave their public hair deserves a better answer than you gave,” asserts W.W. from Tucson. “There are at least five good justifications for female pubic depilation beyond aesthetics: (1) Visibility. It reveals a charming part of the female anatomy. (2) Neoteny, the attractiveness of looking youthful—the same reason for shaving the armpits. (3) Education. I’m old enough to remember when women used to complain that many men didn’t know what a clitoris was—not surprising, when it’s hidden under a jungle of hair. Now even the dumbest guy can’t miss it. (4) The sensual appeal of total nudity—instead of the appearance of wearing a strapless woolen thong. And (5) Vive la différence—it’s nice having women looking different from men.”
[The Advisor responds: Naturally we received a lot of mail on both sides of this “issue.” However, if you can’t find a woman’s clit because she has pubic hair you aren’t looking hard enough. And last we checked, women look a lot different from men regardless of whether they have shaved.]

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Eric Thomas of Flint, Michigan shared this photo of himself with a couple of babes. He writes, “I thought this to be a great picture for the magazine. I call it ‘playboy on wheels’ -- which is me. I’m paralyzed from the neck down but still get down.” Thomas was injured in 1997 after being hit in the neck by a stray bullet from a drive-by shooting while he was attending college. The Advisor gets a few letters each month from disabled male readers who are discouraged and wonder how they can meet women. The advice we provide is the same we would tell anyone – you have to get out there and do things you enjoy, so you can meet people who share your interests. Thomas goes out on the town just about every night of the week. He’s also busy writing a movie script, promoting local hip-hop bands, hosting an Internet radio show called “The Miz” and speaking to newly disabled people to encourage them to keep on getting on. In the future, we’ll offer Eric as an example to other disabled readers who write looking for encouragement.

In January a reader asked if a driver can refuse to take a sobriety test when pulled over by police on suspicious of drunk driving. We spoke with Lawrence Taylor, a California-based attorney who specializes in defending against DUI charges. But G.E. in Florida, who says he works in law enforcement, had a long rebuttal. We sent it along to Taylor to get his thoughts and have excerpted the call-and-response below.

G.E.: “The lawyer you quoted about the field sobriety test says your chances of passing it are zero if the cop has already decided you're drunk. Not to contradict a lawyer, but the are no longer known as tests. Instead, they are
called field sobriety exercises.”

L.T.: “That may be true where this reader lives, but in most states they are
still called "field sobriety tests", or FSTs. Even the new federal standardized FSTs that are being adopted by most states call them tests. I’d love to see them referred to as ‘exercises,’ as the word ‘test’ implies some sort of scientific credibility to juries; the officer is not a scientist or a doctor.”

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In February we noted that absinthe is again available in the U.S., after having been banned in 1912 because of the supposed hallucinogenic effects of thujone, which is found in an essential absinthe herb called wormwood. We reported that Viridian Spirit got government approval to sell Lucid Absinthe Superieure, which is imported from France. However, two other European brands also received approval last year. More important, soon after the February issue went to press, the first American company, St. George Spirits Inc. of Alameda, California, after seven applications to the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, finally got the okay to distribute its Absinthe Verte. Unfortunately St. George quickly sold every one of the 3,600 bottles in its initial run. However, you can visit the distillery’s site and ask to be notified by email when the next batch is ready to go, which could be any day now. These absinthes all still contain thujone but in such small amounts that the feds decided that no one would fly into space. The early reviews are that these new absinthes taste considerably better than what’s been brought into the country over the decades in suitcases.

In January we discussed the old wives’ tale that peeing on yourself can cure athlete’s foot, when medication and keeping the area dry are better solutions. That prompted many readers to write with their own suggestions, none of which we have attempted or can endorse. As they say, we share them only for informational purposes and/or their entertainment value:

S.H. from Shelton, Washington, writes, “Peeing on your feet probably would get rid of the problem temporarily, because even if it doesn't contain enough urea, it is very acidic, and athlete's foot fungus needs an alkaline condition. I have had athlete's foot off and on for the better part of my 72 years. I am now living in a damp climate and do a lot of gardening, so my feet get wet quite often. For the last 15 years or so I've used natural raw apple cider vinegar. I usually need to dab a little on itchy spots one or two times a month with a cotton swab. Fungus never builds up a resistance as it might with synthetic drugs. Plus, two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar plus two teaspoons of organic honey in a cup of warm water is a great health drink.”

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In the February issue we noted that a reader who wished his girlfriend had larger nipples would have to “play what’s dealt.” Two readers disagreed. First, R.T. in Houston wrote to let us know that many sites for new mothers sell lactation pumps that “work on both male and female nipples with fantastic results!” T.H. from Tampa went one better by informing us he had “seen pumps in magazines to stretch nipples to unbelievable sizes.” When we expressed skepticism, he directed us to the Nipple Cylinders, sold by Extreme Restraints, which allow you to “customize your nipples.” We’re surprised to learn of this product but still think our advice is solid. As an aside, while browsing at Extreme Restraints (purely work-related) we came across this vaguely familiar butt plug.

Speaking of nipples, J.A. from Mildenhall, U.K., had something to say about the reader wrote in January because her boyfriend was uncomfortable with a friend who breastfed her baby at their house. “Your response — that ‘seeing a tit never hurt anybody’ -- is dead on,” she says. “When I was breastfeeding, my breasts were enlarged to a 34E and most bystanders never complained when they were in time for the show. I did hear a few rude comments, which always amazed me. Not only is breastfeeding a beautiful, natural part of human growth and development, but how often is a stranger going to flash you her huge boobs? I'm pro-public breastfeeding and I'm happy Playboy is on my side!” We’ve always been pro-public breasts, and we don’t see why anyone should go hungry. 

 

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A brouhaha has broken out over the “anti-virgin” bias of the hosts of American Idol. Last week, Bruce Dickson, 19, showed up at the Dallas auditions. When asked by Simon Cowell what the judges should know about him besides his love of music, Dickson revealed that he had never kissed a girl. A devout Christian, he says he plans to have his first kiss at the wedding ceremony. His father had given him a key that he wears around his neck to symbolize that “there’s one woman out there for me.”

Randy Jackson advised him to “go kiss some girls,” and Simon Cowell suggested he “avoid Ryan (Seacrest) on the way out." For good reason – Seacrest ended the segment by saying, "Maybe next year he'll come back less a boy and more a man."

The comments were rude, although nothing you don’t expect to hear on American Idol auditions. Later Dickson would say: “A real man would rather wait than just do whatever with whoever…. I respect women and don't think of them as a sexual object, and I'm the freak?"

The next day on Fox News, Shepard Smith invited Sarah Preston, an editor at Playboy.com, to provide some perspective. "I would have told him to go to first, second, third, fourth and fifth” bases, she said. “I'm not belittling Bruce's Christian beliefs, but I do think being in tune with one's own sexuality goes a long way in being confident with yourself. Confidence is key, especially for American Idol.” 

 

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One of the most moral people I have ever met was an immoral tart named Sue Gould. In 1996 she and her husband Ron founded Club Adventure, a swingers’ club with outposts in Chicago, Milwaukee and St. Louis. An active member of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, Sue gave advice to lifestyle newbies online and in books such as Swing Mom. Sue also frequently helped me respond to reader questions about the lifestyle. For example, when we received a letter from a reader who had lost his job and wanted to start a swing club to pay his bills, I ran the idea past Sue. She noted that local authorities don’t look kindly on clubs that are run as businesses, so it’s hard to make a killing. And because noise and parking complaints from the neighbors are as likely to get you shut down as the group sex, it helps to have a few cops and local bigwigs as members. She also informed me that she and Ron, after years of hosting weekend parties at their own home, had decided to move them off-site. “I want my house back!" she said. "People pee in our hot tub, they leave their shaving cream, razors and pubic hair everywhere, they drink too much because they're nervous and then throw up on my floor. We started with a house where we hosted fun parties and ended up living in a swing club."

I wrote at the time, “Even sex club owners need a hug sometimes.” Sadly, Sue died of cancer on January 10. I am glad to have known her.

Here is the third and final installment of letters we have received from men who don’t want sex as much as their wives or girlfriends:

J.G. of Providence, Rhode Island, writes, “At the risk of offending the women who can’t figure out why their boyfriends or husbands aren’t in the mood: It’s a matter of effort. If you can’t get your man in the mood it is likely that you routinely screw like a dead fish. If you just lay on your back  while he does all the work, he might as well masturbate.”

“My wife and I have been together for eight years,” says B.B. of Chico, California. “At first we had sex almost daily, then things started to taper off. Now we have sex about once a week, almost always with her being the one to initiate it. I would be fine with us having sex only once or twice a month. Why have I lost interest? Part of it is due to struggles to keep our sex life interesting, but the biggest reason is my wife’s physical changes. She has gained more than 40 pounds since we met. Not only has the weight gain left her less attractive to me, it hinders the range of sexual positions we can engage in and/or make some positions less comfortable. It would be terrific if she could finally lose weight, but I don’t think it will ever happen. I still love her, she is still my best friend and I hope we stay together forever.”

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Yesterday we shared a few of the many letters we received from men who don’t want sex as much as their wives or girlfriends. Here is the second installment:

“For most men older than 30, we have a been-there, done-that mentality,”
writes R.G., of Clifton, New Jersey. “We like sex fine, but if there is even a hint of bullshit involved, we’ll cuddle the remote. Our women never realize that emasculation, nagging and manipulation dampen our sex lives more quickly then them gaining a few pounds or not dressing as hot as they used to. That’s the truth as I see it at 45.”

R.W. of San Diego has had enough: “Your husband doesn’t want sex? Stop
watching Dr. Phil, reading all that crap that claims men are emasculated,
get off the Internet and stop trying to control us. Talk to us without
psychoanalyzing and you will be amazed at how interested we are.”

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As part of a continuing discussion in September and October of men who don’t want sex as often as their girlfriends or wives do, we asked a few of these men to explain themselves. As we note in the January issue, we received a number of passionate responses. We’ll share a few today, a few more tomorrow and then conclude with a third and final installment. Then we’re moving on with our lives:

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In the November issue a Muslim woman wrote asking how to tell her parents that she plans to marry a non-Muslim. The Advisor commented that while Muslim women are limited in their choices, Muslim men can “marry anyone they like.” M.C. of Haverhill, Massachusetts, takes exception. We shared his letter with Daisy Khan, the executive director of the American Society for Muslim Advancement, who counsels many interfaith couples, and have included her comments in brackets:

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A.D. of Missoula, Montana, writes: “This is for KB in Atlanta, who wrote in November because his wife had become upset when he said he fantasized about having a threesome. I expressed the same fantasy to my wife years ago. She eventually decided that, with the help of one of her best friends, she would make it come true. It was a wonderful, exciting and scary experience. Scary because I did not think about what would happen if I appeared to have more fun with her friend than with her. It was a fine line to walk, but we all enjoyed it.”

In response to our response in December concerning “bloodless diamonds” and the fact that you can never be sure about a diamond’s origins unless you dig it up yourself, several readers wrote to say that Canada produces diamonds. The letter from J.D. in Barrie, Ontario was typical: “While there is no doubt that cultured diamonds are more ecologically sound, the Northwest Territories Government Monitoring and Certification program in Canada tracks each individual diamond from the initial mining stage through to the final cutting process. One company even brands their gems. Polar Bear Diamonds can be distinguished by a microscopically laser engraved polar bear on the girdle of each diamond.”