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Krypton or Ork? We decide.
From John Carter
It’s just fucking Mars.
Morons wouldn’t listen to the smart science guy, planet blew up.
It’s all balls, as far as the eye can see.
Ignoring physics, this one’s shaped like an egg.
We’ll not look too deep into a mythos founded upon a toy line.
Photo: Art by J Jasso
From Marvel Comics
All planets should speak dialogue written by Stan Lee.
From Mork & Mindy
Yeah, it’s more of a moon than a planet. Whatever. Blue war kittens!
From Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
It’s where you go to buy the best custom-built planets in the galaxy.
From Starship Troopers
Lousy with giant bugs. Would you like to know more?
From Doctor Who
Like Krypton, got blown up because the Powers That Be wouldn’t listen (in this case to a rogue time traveler with a boosted time machine).
The scourge of the universe comes from one relatively pretty planet — and some misguided scientists who tried to medicate for aggression. Whoops.
From Battlestar Galactica
Science, fucking everything up again. This time, with artificial intelligence — which eventually got pissed off and rose up.
From Star Trek
It’s where they make all the logic.
A totally inhospitable desert planet, covered in sand and riddled with giant penis-worms. No wonder they have the universe’s toughest soldiers and a drug that lets you hop dimensions.
Photo: Art by Mark Molnar
From Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
It’s a planet, just for pleasure. And easily eradicateable venereal diseases.
From Star Wars
Creator George Lucas was a fan of planets with just one topography: “Here’s the desert planet and the ice planet and the swampy planet.” This one’s the “city planet.”
From Flash Gordon
Just look at the skies! It’s like a lava-lamp planet chock-full of corrupt, randy royals and astro-jet skis.
Because it’s home.