Q 13

PLAYBOY: How tough is Dick Butkus?

Bubba Smith: When Dick was playing football, he was the toughest player I'd ever seen. People don't realize that he's now studying to be a minister. We're also planning to do a television series together. The show will run for a long time, because it takes Dick a long time to learn his lines. He was on another planet when he was playing. He once said that he wanted to hit a player so hard that his head would fall off and roll down the field. To me, that's a heavy dude.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: Is there anything about being black that white people would enjoy?

Bubba Smith: The sexual myth. The way that black people dance. It's more fun spitting watermelon seeds if you're black. I've always been proud of the gap in my teeth because I can blow out the seeds through it. At one time, watermelon was considered the steak of the ghetto. A lot of blacks were just about brought up on it. Just because you got money doesn't mean that watermelon ain't good for you. I eat it all the time. You have to have a certain amount of class to spit out a watermelon seed properly.

Q 15

PLAYBOY: What are the differences between white and black women?

Bubba Smith: They're no different during sex except for their sound effects. White women are less vocal. It's the same when white women laugh. They'll go "Ha, ha, ha" and then suddenly stop. Black people often laugh not to be sad. And because black people know laughter is cheap.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: What pisses off black people?

Bubba Smith: Saying bad things about your mother. I don't care if you're Superman or Superfly, you go on the streets and talk that trash and you're history!

Q 17

PLAYBOY: Tell us--is what goes on in the locker room as juvenile as we suspect it is?

Bubba Smith: When I was with Houston, we used to line guys' underwear with some red-hot stuff. When a guy fell asleep in the whirlpool, we'd always throw electrical things at him. We got rid of a lot of rookies that way. When I was with Baltimore, some other players and I ate some marijuana brownies left by accident in the locker room. We were taking a shower and one of the players said, "Man, look how big these drops of water are!" I felt the same way. Guys in the locker room will do anything to create trouble. Also, players always tried to get women into their rooms the night before the game. In New York, I made a girl go out on the ledge. We were 12 floors up. The coaches checked everywhere. If I had been caught, it would have been a $2000 fine. The girl was a little cold when she got back inside. She was probably scared, too, but she was a good sport.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: Many fans who watch Monday Night Football aggressively dislike Howard Cosell. Will you come to his defense?

Bubba Smith: Yeah. Howard is probably the best thing to happen to black athletes. Before Howard, nobody in the media talked about Grambling University or Jackson State. TV sports didn't do profiles on black athletes. Howard made O.J. Simpson bigger than life. He made you stay on top of your game, especially on Monday Night Football. You knew that if you were screwing up or getting beat on the line, Howard would tell the nation. If you shined, he would magnify your star regardless of your color. I walked into a restaurant one night where Howard and his wife were dining. His wife is a good friend and a great lady, considering she has to put up with him. I kissed her hello. Howard stood up and started screaming, "Where is the manager? Who is this black man kissing my wife?" I wasn't ready for that response, but that was Howard's way of having a good time.

Q 19

PLAYBOY: For athletes, is there life after Astroturf?

Bubba Smith: I don't think there's anything after Astroturf. When it's 90 degrees outside, it's 130 degrees on Astroturf. If a nuclear bomb is ever dropped on this country, the only things I'm certain will survive are Astroturf and Don Shula. Shula's about as hard emotionally as Astroturf. I call him the thug of pro football. That's not to take away from his brilliance as a coach. He'll find an opposing team's weakness and he'll run at that weakness until you make adjustments or die. You don't have to like Shula, but you have to respect what he does and can do to you. That's the same attitude I had toward Astroturf.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: What things scare you?

Bubba Smith: I was frightened the first time I was given some lines. That's lines of dialogue to say in a movie, not cocaine. I'm scared of strangers' laughing unintentionally at what I do, be it either football or acting. The movie The Exorcist scared me. The idea that one could be possessed by Satan is a bitch. After seeing that film, I went home, got out my gun and set it on the night stand. That film did weird things to my head. The people living above me had a dog that I could hear walking across the floor. Man, I shot up the ceiling and almost killed the dog. Seeing The Exorcist scared me so much that I slept with the lights on all night. Let me tell you something: Big bad Bubba never sleeps with the lights on!