Q 13

PLAYBOY: What convinced you there was money in the physical-fitness business?

Jack La Lanne: I had been winning physique contests and had gotten a reputation as a terrific athlete but also as a nut and a crackpot. People would say, "See that muscle-bound ass?" Then, when I opened my first spa in Oakland, in 1936, the articles started appearing in the paper: "Don't go to Jack La Lanne's. You'll get muscle-bound. You'll slow down, lose your sex drive, get hemorrhoids, have heart attacks." The women were warned that they'd look like men. So even though I was paying only $45 a month rent in a great location, I was going broke. Nobody would come to my place.

I had to do something. In those days, I was very shy. If I had to give a talk, I'd freeze. But since I had this reputation as a strong man, I decided to go to all the local high schools wearing a tight-fitting T-shirt and walk up to the skinniest kid I could find and introduce myself, despite my fear. I'd ask the kid how he'd like to gain about 40 pounds and go out for football. He'd say, "Sure. I'm damn sick of having everyone beat me up." So I'd get his name and address. Then I'd pick out the fattest kid, pull in my gut and ask if he'd like to get rid of all that fat. Then I'd get his name and address. At night, I'd go to those kids' homes. First, I'd walk around the block five or six times to get up the nerve; but finally, I'd push the doorbell and the parents would ask me in.

Usually, fathers like to refer to their sons as chips off the old block. "Hey, isn't he terrific, Jack? Captain of the basketball team, straight A's and really makes out with the women." But what's a father going to say about an emaciated kid--that he takes after his mother? So if I went to 100 homes, I'd sign up 100 kids.

After a few months, you wouldn't believe the results. Some kids gained 40 or 50 pounds. Then I took 111 pounds off one kid in eight months. He'd even been to the Mayo Clinic. And word got around like wildfire. "There's Jack La Lanne, the miracle man. He's taken skinny kids and built them up. He's taken fat kids, kids on dope, bums, kids who get failing grades and completely changed their lives." I'd get into these kids personally. I knew when they masturbated and when they had cakes and pies. I'd tell them how to cut their hair and what clothes to wear. I'd make them stay in school and get good grades. They had pride and discipline.

Pretty soon, I started getting phone calls from the fathers. "Hey, Jack, this is Dr. Jones. Don't tell anyone I've called, but my kid can do more push-ups and chin-ups than me. He can outrun me. I feel kind of inadequate. I've got to keep up with him. Can you take me at five in the morning? Name the price. I don't care what it costs." After less than a year, I had to shut down the men's membership.

Then I started getting calls from the wives. "Hey, Jack, don't tell anyone I'm calling, but my husband finally had to tell me what he was up to. My God, he's got that old romantic nip back again. He's got the same measurements as when he was in college. I've got to keep this honeymoon going. I'm getting a little matronly. Can you take me at two in the afternoon?" Soon, I shut down the women's membership. Later, I added a health-food store and a health-food restaurant in the building. I was 30 years ahead of everybody. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: How do you react to the notion that gays have ruined health clubs for heterosexuals? At what point does all this physical culture become narcissistic and, to some minds, gay?

Jack La Lanne: This is bullshit! I was the first one to start health clubs, right? In 1936. I had guys coming to me who were the pillars of society. Bank presidents, lawyers, judges. I won't mention any names, but they were all homosexuals. Nobody knew about it but me, because during the first year, I had to massage to stay in business. And these guys used to offer me money, you know, if they could just blow me or have love with me. I'd tell them, "Whatever you want to do is your business. But you could write me a check for $1,000,000 and I would never let a man touch me. This is the way I am." But I'm a great believer in live and let live. The only thing that gets me is if they try to force themselves on me or if one of these old queens takes 12-, 13-, 14-year-olds, gives them money and forces them to go around with his friends. But Christ, I know guys, shit, they dig women, dogs, cats, anything. But who knows? Read the Bible. Read Socrates and Plato. Christ, this stuff's been going on forever. But one thing I'll tell you about the gays: Look at how they dress. Narcissistic? It's survival. It's being smart. Look at the animal kingdom. Ever see a dirty dog or cat or monkey or bird? They preen each other. They exercise for themselves. They want to appeal to the opposite sex. Is that narcissistic? No. It's having pride. Homosexuals love to look good. They're clean, neat. They're fastidious, well mannered and well educated. They like aesthetic things. They like good, firm, tight bodies. Health. They want to attract other guys. What's wrong with that? Why be slobs? You've got to be insane to suggest that because someone looks good, he must be gay. That's envy.

Q 15

PLAYBOY: That's not quite what we were suggesting. However, we should all envy your measurements. What are they?

Jack La Lanne: My chest is 47 and a half inches. My waist is 27 and a half. My neck is 17. I never let my waist get bigger. Your waist is your lifeline, and it should never be larger than when you were in your prime. If it is, two things have happened: The muscles have lost their tone and there's extra fat. Most scales lie. A guy may weigh the same at 30 as at 18, but chances are he's lost ten pounds in the shoulders and arms and gained ten in fat around the waist.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Jack La Lanne: I think I look shitty. But I don't look at myself narcissistically, just constructively. I want to get better. Most of the beautiful men and women I've known have inferiority complexes. I've never been satisfied with myself, ever. But I feel good about myself, because I'm truthful. I don't corrupt myself. I put everything about Jack La Lanne right on the table. Jack La Lanne and Jack La Lanne are goddamned good friends. I'm also a perfectionist. I'm very impatient. I've got energy and drive and I can't stand inefficiency in people. And I can't stand dumb people. When I talk with someone, I always anticipate what he's going to say. That's why all the people I associate with have to be smart. Why surround yourself with people who are going to tie you down? I don't suffer fools. One of my closest friends is Franco Columbo. I have never met a sharper, quicker-wilted, more observant guy. Arnold Schwarzenegger is no dumbbell, either. Steve Garvey and Vince Ferragamo are sharp guys. Vic Tanny, who copied my original gym in Oakland, has a genius I.Q.

Q 17

PLAYBOY: Where do you get your jump suits?

Jack La Lanne: I have them made, along with my slacks and shirts. My waist is so small and my chest so large that I have a hell of a time getting clothes.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: Who's the healthiest person you know?

Jack La Lanne: Me. Not true. The most outstanding, fit human alive is a guy from San Francisco named Walt Stack. He's in his 70s now. He does Pikes Peak. He runs marathons. He runs from San Francisco to San Rafael and back every day. That's about 30 miles. He swims in San Francisco Bay. He works out with weights. He rides a bicycle. Walt was a hod carrier, someone who carries mortar up to bricklayers. He's a real pistol, boy. He likes to drink and has never taken a vitamin. I really admire him.

Q 19

PLAYBOY: Since you've made the swim from Alcatraz to San Francisco, do you think Frank Morris, the one convict alleged to have successfully escaped, really made it?

Jack La Lanne: Hell, no. If you don't know the tides, it's the most treacherous body of water in the world. The tide can get up to seven knots, plus, the water is only 54 degrees. Neither Morris nor the two guys who escaped with him were ever found. Later, the newspapers called me and asked me to simulate the escape. I didn't even do it handicapped with chains. I just dove off of Alcatraz and it took me half an hour just to break away from the island. And you know I'm a goddamned strong swimmer. After I broke away, I was going six or seven knots. They pulled me up right under the Golden Gate Bridge, going out to sea. Morris didn't live. The sharks would have gotten him, if nothing else. I'm in top shape, but even knowing about the water and the tides, I couldn't do it.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: How long do you think you'll live?

Jack La Lanne: I really don't give a damn how long I live, but I want to live while I'm living. I want to be productive. I've started a singing career with Connie Haines. We're planning to go to Las Vegas. It's a new challenge that helps my memory, my diction and my pride. It makes me grow. Stop growing and you're in the casket. I'm also aiming to get my golf handicap down to three. I play at four or five now, but I want to enter the U.S. Amateur Championships. I'm also writing six books simultaneously.

I think we call our own shots and make our own destiny. Every creature--dog, horse, cat--lives to about six times its age of maturity. Dogs mature at two and live to 12 or 14. Man matures at 25. And some of the Russians and Chinese who are 150 or 160 years old have proved it can be done. Even the number of people in the United States who have surpassed 100 has increased 400 percent in the past six years. How long will I live? The earth will go first.