Q 6

PLAYBOY: How do you handle hecklers?

Joan Rivers: Badly. I cry. Or I shoot them. Usually, I can handle them. Cher once did something that I'll love her for the rest of my life. She had an Arab who walked onstage during her act to get to his seat. Total arrogance. He walked past Cher, who was singing, and sat in front with his girlfriend with no regrets, no excuse-mes. She stopped the show and had him tossed out. I loved her for that. They threw him out and the girlfriend and the camel.

Q 7

PLAYBOY: What were your first sexual experiences like?

Joan Rivers: Positive. My first encounter, as they say, was with a man I had been in love with since I was a child. So it was a very meaningful, if short, moment. I went out and bought a special dress for the occasion. It took longer to pick the dress than the whole sexual act. I guess our theme song was [sung to I Feel Pretty] "I feel nothing." But we were very much in love and that was very important. I waited through college. I'm glad I started that way. I've had very few sons of bitches. I've been very lucky. I was careful who I fell in love with. I came from a generation where you knew nothing; you learned by doing. My old joke was: "I thought you took turns moving." Whoever had the good position moved. You had to learn. Where nowadays they know everything.

Q 8

PLAYBOY: Is your husband romantic?

Joan Rivers: No, I wish he were. He is very unromantic and it is upsetting. It's horrendous sometimes, because you just would love someone to say, "Don't you look fabulous" or that roses would come to the house. When we first got married, when we would have fights--I love gardenias--dozens of gardenias would come and I'd go crazy for that. Or I'm always looking to open a rose and find a diamond ring in it. Well, after you've pulled apart 2000 roses, you just go out and buy your own ring. The nicest thing my husband can say to me is, "You don't look bad." It's very English. When you float down the stairs, you want something. The thing that I don't like is when my friends' husbands lean over and tell me how great I look. I hate when a friend's husband puts the hit on you.

Q 9

PLAYBOY: Does that happen a lot?

Joan Rivers: Enough. Sometimes I feel everybody is looking. I don't like that. Let a stranger tell you, that's OK. The romance is out of my marriage, which is horrendous. But what can you do? My husband is a terrific man, so I just buy myself the diamonds.

Q 10

PLAYBOY: When you and Edgar were married, did he realize that one day he would be a part of your act?

Joan Rivers: I don't think he realized it. He married me when I was already successful. But I was always autobiographical in my humor and it just evolved. He became a part of my act the same way my daughter became part of it, because I talk about my current experiences. My act now is more leaning over the back fence and saying, "Can you believe Nancy Kissinger? Isn't she a horse? When I met her, she was wearing a saddle from Gucci and the queen of England! If I've told her once, I've told her 1000 times, 'Shave your toes'" and like that. So there's less of the husband in the act.

Q 11

PLAYBOY: What do you think of Elizabeth Taylor's comeback?

Joan Rivers: I hear she looks terrific. In real life, she's a dear friend of a dear friend of mine. She said to him, "I've dieted all my life. I want to get fat now. I'm happy. Let me go." That's her right.

But it's also my right to say what America's thinking. I think a comedian can never be an insider. I could never be a friend of "the greats." Every friend of mine who is a comedian and has become a friend of the greats is no longer funny. I won't go into names. You can't dine with the biggies and then walk on a stage and still be a common person. So, when Elizabeth Taylor got fat, that was great, because I could walk on a stage and say, "Wow, her thighs are going condo." Thank God she's fat. She lost weight for a while and I went into shock. I was so upset. I mean, I have a mortgage.

They say black makes you look thinner. So she should hang out with the Supremes. One of the reasons I enjoy making jokes about her is men still adore her. When I say she's fat, men get upset in the audience, and then you can scream at them--"OK, so she's not fat. I took her to Jack In The Box and she ate Jack." Then it's fun. But the men still find her very sexy and beautiful. God, her eyes. Especially that right one.

Q 12

PLAYBOY: How do you feel about Hollywood people entering politics?

Joan Rivers: I think it's a great idea, because I'm planning to do it eventually. I think I'd be dynamite. I'm gonna tell Nancy Reagan to get out early so I can redecorate. Is she or is she not a Stepford wife? She's so perfect.