Q 13

PLAYBOY: What's it like cruisin' with The Tooz?

John Matuszak: : It's changed a little lately. It's still fun, but it's much more of a natural high. Crown Royal is out. A triple Crown Royal used to be my favorite drink. I love Crown Royals. I love just catching that slight little buzz. Every time it seemed I got that slight little buzz, I got in trouble. Also, I found out I would wake up in the morning next to a girl and ask who she was. Sometimes I'd wake up and ask myself who I was. Cruisin' with The Tooz now consists of having a good time without getting thrown in jail. You have a good dinner, check out the ladies, take a few home and have a mellow time in the hot tub. You can get bruised if you try to cruise with The Tooz, but you can't lose. In the old days, I could drink all my teammates under the table. But now I want to play another five years, so The Tooz has become a mellow fellow.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: What's the most adventuresome sex scene you've ever been in?

John Matuszak: Rub-a-dub-dub, eight people in a tub. Two were men, six were women. There were three girls to look for each guy's ducky. Actually, I don't like multiple sex. I like multiple parties. Multiple sex isn't as much fun as one on one. You can look into each other's eyes more one on one. You're not worried about what's going on behind you. When I was in college, I lived in a house with eight or ten guys. They were all horny as hell. This one girl who really liked The Tooz was with me in bed. She was twice as old as me. She told me she loved me. I said I liked her and so did my friends. This was way before women's lib, mind you. I opened the door and all my roommates were there. She happily played conductor on the train. We just happened to run into a lovely lady who enjoyed pleasing a lot of horny young college students.

Q 15

PLAYBOY: What would you do if you discovered one of your teammates was a homosexual?

John Matuszak: One thing for sure, I wouldn't drop a bar of soap near him in the shower. I respect a person's sexual preference as long as he doesn't press it on me. No N.F.L. player would ever say he was gay. There's a macho feeling amongst the players that we all maintain. They just wouldn't allow a gay player on the team. We'd make sure he'd get shots for it or he wouldn't stick around. I mean physical shots, man. How would you like to have a fag in your locker room? There's nothing wrong with them, but they don't belong in the locker room. Besides, I don't think there are any homosexuals in the N.F.L. I hope not, for their sake.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: How do you prepare for a game?

John Matuszak: I engage in a little mental masturbation. That'll do it every time. I start thinking about my next opponent immediately after a game. The team takes one day off, then we watch game films of our next opponent. I then lay off the things that will affect my performance. Wine, women and song. I cut them out three or four days before the game. I believe, however, quarterbacks should get laid the night before the game. It would help them relax. Quarterbacks are always too nervous close to game time. The owners should hire women for the quarterbacks so they're relaxed. Linemen don't need pregame sex. We have to be fired up but, at the same time, mellowed so we don't waste energy. Wide receivers and running backs need their energy, too, so they should also abstain.

Q 17

PLAYBOY: Are there types of women you think from experience are bad for you?

John Matuszak: I once had a woman try to run me over with a car in training camp. I think that's bad for you. I also don't like being around women who are prick teasers. Please me, don't tease me! My ex-roommate Kenny Stabler told me the best thing to do around women is just to watch. Watching him around women was like watching a huge magnet go into a thumbnail factory.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: In the movie Caveman, you play a hostile tribal leader, and in North Dallas Forty, you're a tough, crazed football player. Are you being typecast or just in training for future Cary Grant roles?

John Matuszak: I'd rather play John Wayne parts. To me, acting is as competitive and powerful a business as football. I'm a relative rookie in acting who's just cracked his cherry. I'm comfortable acting but only in movies. I'd be a fish out of water on Broadway, unless I worked at it. The bottom line is you have to kick ass if you want to remain on top in either sports or show business. Someday, on the screen, you'll see the sweet and intellectual side of The Tooz. Sports fans already know I'm more than just another pretty face.

Q 19

PLAYBOY: From whom do you take no?

John Matuszak: A lot of people. Women say no; I say OK. The judge says no; I say OK. The Raiders coach Tom Flores and Al Davis. Mom and Dad. They all tell me no and I do what they say. That's about it. I don't take no from my teammates.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: Would you ever do a nude layout like your ex-teammate Dan Pastorini did for Playgirl last year?

John Matuszak: Not for Playgirl. There's something about that magazine I don't like. I just don't like to look at swinging cocks staring me in the face. I think for me to pose nude, it would have to be done tastefully. Face it! Women who want to see The Tooz nude want to see him in person. They know with me there's no substitute for satisfaction. The Tooz delivers the real thing!