Q 13

PLAYBOY: Take us on a tour of your body. Which are your favorite and least favorite features?

Justine Bateman: Any time I gain weight, it goes straight to the hips. But if you want to change that, go to the gym and change that. I like everything OK. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and say "Oh, my hair won't go anywhere I want it to go and I just look like putty and my face looks like Play-Doh." You get over it. I'm always checking out the guitar calluses on my fingers. From the waist up, that's always OK. I do bench presses to get it right.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: Which animals should die for our footwear?

Justine Bateman: I hate to think of it that way, because I do have little shoes with fur on them. Cockroaches. We should do something with cockroaches. That's one thing we don't need. When there is a nuclear disaster and all human life is gone, cockroaches will rule the earth. Why is that?

Q 15

PLAYBOY: Is it true you never wear underwear on Family Ties?

Justine Bateman: There's nothing more annoying than seeing panty lines on women. So I wear panty hose on TV, but I never wear panty hose in real life.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: What can't be forgiven?

Justine Bateman: Destroying your trust in a person. When you really trust someone and he does something that would never enter your mind. Like embezzlement. Something comes out of a person's mouth that you just can't believe. Just when you thought you knew someone.

Q 17

PLAYBOY: What's the antidote to jealousy?

Justine Bateman: Get your own shit together. You'll never have a problem with it if you're really secure and happy with yourself. Too many people live their lives according to how other people perceive them. You start getting sucked into that and the person you're with won't want to be with you anymore.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: You haven't attended a college or university, but you're rich enough to endow a chair at one. In which department? At which institution?

Justine Bateman: : It would definitely be in art or journalism. And I'm partial to the schools that accepted me: Northwestern, NYU, BU, Dartmouth.

Q 19

PLAYBOY: What's the worst rumor you've heard about Hollywood?

Justine Bateman: That the squirrels in Los Angeles have the black plague. That if you get bitten by a squirrel, you're in deep shit.

But I certainly wouldn't move. I recently spent eight weeks in South Carolina, and eight weeks away from home is too much. I miss traffic jams. I miss Winchell's doughnuts. I miss smog. I miss waiting in line to get into a restaurant. In Los Angeles, you start complaining about the tiniest little things. I like L.A.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: Disprove the vicious slander perpetrated on your gender: Tell us a joke with the punch line intact.

Justine Bateman: Why is six afraid of seven? [Pauses, trying to remember joke] Oh, yeah, because seven eight nine.

Have I saved the female race?