Q 13

PLAYBOY: Your character, Ling, describes men as horny toads. Is that so wrong?

Lucy Liu: It's not so much that it's wrong, because women are horny toads too a lot of the time. Sometimes women want to go out and screw and leave in the morning just like some guys do. I just happen to think that, as a whole, women are a lot more emotional and need a certain amount of security that men don't always have the ability to offer. It's a social issue, it's a gender issue, and it's something that gets in the way. But it's not particularly bad.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: How can you avoid being a moron in love?

Lucy Liu: Can't. You have to be a moron in love. That's the fucked-up thing about love. I've done so many stupid things. When I'm really into something I'm in it all the way. I'll do almost anything without thinking about it until the relationship is over. Then I just think about what a fucking idiot I was. You give yourself 100 percent to the relationship or to the person and you can't think straight. Your mind is somewhere else. In fact, Hallmark should make a Valentine's Day card that says, "Thank you for being such a moron." Maybe I'll do it if this job doesn't work out.

Q 15

PLAYBOY: What are the danger signs that a relationship is over the top?

Lucy Liu: When there's a lot of unnecessary drama in the relationship. When you walk in the door and he's got his penis hanging out of his pants. Normal stuff. He has gone and got a scrotum tuck--that's when you know something's gone wrong. You know, those telltale everyday things.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: Asian sex secrets--myth, hype or just plain good sense?

Lucy Liu: The mystique should live on, baby. Everyone thinks what they do is really mysterious and wonderful and unique and that they're the best lover in the world. Everyone should have that mentality, or they should try to improve on it. The Asian mystique is that you don't talk and you look really small. That's the attraction. Keep your mouth shut and turn over! I don't know what the Asian sex secrets are--if somebody has them, let me know.

Q 17

PLAYBOY: Can you envision an adult film based on The Karate Kid?

Lucy Liu: Yeah, Whacks On, Whacks Off. Enough said. No one's ever forgotten that phrase. There have been so many funny spoofs on films. I get a kick out of them, though I don't know if I would ever actually want to go to the theater to see them.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: What is the best message you've received in a fortune cookie?

Lucy Liu: [Pulling them out of her wallet] "Be assertive and you will win." "You will be unusually successful in business." "Get away from home for a while to restore your energies." That's the best one. "Your talents are in fine shape, utilize them to their fullest."

Q 19

PLAYBOY: Which of men's many shortcomings should they get over?

Lucy Liu: If you're working and they're not. If you have money and they don't have any, it's not a big deal. If he has a small penis, I don't give a shit. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want him constantly talking about it. It's so ridiculous, so silly. The more he emphasizes it, the more I'm going to focus on it. Shut up! I'm no expert on men's shortcomings, but I think there's a certain amount of ego involved with most men--that's what makes men men. I love men. They are extremely odd animals of prey. That's what makes them so wonderful. If anything, men are mysterious. If you try to break everything down and analyze it, you're going to have too much information on your hands. You're not going to know what to do with it. You have to experience it as it is. If it doesn't work out, move on to the next one.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: What would you order in a bar to signal sexual readiness?

Lucy Liu: Listen, honey, if I order anything in a bar I'm ready. I'm not a heavy drinker. If I drink at all, I start getting loose and feeling pretty crazy. I think alcohol makes you feel immortal, like you can jump off a building or leap in front of a car. I love drinking sake, and sometimes I'll have an Absolut and cranberry with a lime or something like that. But I have to do it with somebody I'm really comfortable with and who I can eliminate the next day. Who won't be missed? I can put him out of his misery.