Q 13

PLAYBOY: Do you consider The Pick of Destiny to be a rock musical or a comedy?

Jack Black: I don't know. I don't think of it as a musical. But it's not a straight comedy, either. What's a movie that has the same amount of music? Eddie and the Cruisers maybe? We have more music than that. It has about the same amount of music as This Is Spinal Tap, but that's not really a musical or a comedy. It's more of a mock rockumentary.

Kyle Gass: Our movie is similar to a musical except we never bust into song apropos of nothing.

Jack Black: No, we never do. And that's the difference.

Kyle Gass: Wait, that's not true. There is that one scene.

Jack Black: What are you talking about? [Gass whispers something to Black.] Oh yeah, I guess we do. But just that one time. Maybe we should cut it.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: You've always had a devoted following of female groupies, but now that you've become major stars do you spend your evenings servicing an endless stream of backstage Betties?

Kyle Gass: You would think so, but no. I've heard stories, but I'm still waiting for the deluge. Jack gets it more than I do. We're at different levels. Jack is a megastar, and I'm basically the other guy. I'm eight steps behind him. I've been able to live off his scraps. But even so, it's helped my dating life. I've had women pretend they like me. And that's fine. Even if they're pretending, it's still pretty good.

Jack Black: I'm still mostly attracted to girls who don't like me, so not much has changed.

Kyle Gass: If they have most of their limbs, I'll take all comers.

Jack Black: You'll take all comers, and then you'll come on all takers. Oh yeah! Highfive! [Black and Gass high-five.]

Q 15

PLAYBOY: Speaking of groupies, Cynthia Albritton, the infamous Plaster Caster, has made casts of the most famous penises in rock. Has she ever approached either of you to lend your sexual gifts for her art?

Jack Black: No, neither she nor anybody else has ever asked to make a plaster cast of my cockiles. Why? What have you heard?

Kyle Gass: I don't know if I'd do it. I wouldn't want to be judged against Tommy Lee or Jimi Hendrix.

Jack Black: Yeah, you don't want your goodies to be on display next to Gigantor. I'd be cool if she just wanted to put my name on the Jimi Hendrix cast. She probably made two of him, so just put my name on the extra one.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: You've written several songs about sex but nothing about love. Is the D afraid of intimacy?

Kyle Gass: I was thinking the same thing. We should have at least one classic love song.

Jack Black: You mean like that Chicago song? [sings] "If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me."

Jack Black and Kyle Gass: [Singing in unison] "Oooh oh, baby, please don't go!"

Jack Black: Yeah, we should do that. We wrote a new song for the movie, called "Dude, I Totally Miss You." That's kind of emotional. But you're talking male-female love, aren't you?

Kyle Gass: Maybe we need to grow up and write something about adult love.

Jack Black: Let's try to write one. Right now. [sings] "I fuckin' love you, baby. I think about you./I'm gonna buy stuff and hang out with you and put my penis next to y-y-you./I want to hold you tight and give you kisses at night, 'cause I love your brains, your brains and pussy, too./Your brains and your pussy, tooooo."

Kyle Gass: I think we have a title: "Your Brains and Your Pussy, Too." Well, PLAYBOY readers, you heard it here first.

Q 17

PLAYBOY: If your musical canon is to be believed, Tenacious D has spent a lot of time mastering sexual technique, from using French ticklers and sucking toes to fucking your partners gently when appropriate. Have you ever considered making a sex-instruction video?

Jack Black: That's a fantastic idea. We're already putting out the Tenacious D exercise video. It's called D-zercise. We should go back to the studio and shoot an extra part about pleasing your partner. Then we'll put it out as a two-disc DVD set. One disc will be called D-zercise, and the other Tenacious D Sex Tips. Together it'll be called Getting Hard With the D.

Kyle Gass: On one disc we'll be in our workout clothes. And on the other we'll be in our sexy nighttime workout clothes.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: So what kind of advice would you give?

Jack Black: Lots of tongue exercises. You've got to know how to use the tongue if you're going to please your lady [demonstrates by flicking his tongue].

Kyle Gass: It looks like a lizard's.

Jack Black: The tongue is a muscle, and you've got to work it out. I was watching Internet porn the other day and checking out Nina Hartley's tips on eating pussy. She gives some great advice.

Kyle Gass: What does she say?

Jack Black: She says love the whole pussy. Don't just love that little spot. Give the side flaps some attention. Stick a finger in slowly; don't just jam it in there. Get it all wet. And remember, the ladies have a taint, too. Give it some attention. But don't go too far. I don't think the ladies really want a finger up their ass.

Kyle Gass: You think so?

Jack Black: You stick your finger in the anus, dude?

Kyle Gass: No.

Jack Black: Do you stick your cock in there?

Kyle Gass: No.

Jack Black: But don't you kind of want to, though?

Kyle Gass: I do now. I think it depends on the lady. I would say I've never done it on purpose.

Jack Black: I would say to a lady, "I've never done this before. Could we just try it this one time?" Then she'd be like, "I don't know." And then I'd put on a Chicago record. [sings] "If you leave me now, oooh oh, baby, please don't go."

Kyle Gass: See, I'd put on "Back Door Man."

Jack Black: Dude, that's not the song they want to hear. It sounds a little too aggressive.

Q 19

PLAYBOY: Gene Simmons of Kiss has a scrapbook filled with photos of his sexual conquests naked. Do either of you have a similar collection?

Jack Black: At times I wish I had pictures of the women I've been with. But that wouldn't be enough for a scrapbook. I could fit them all in my wallet. And I wouldn't want to show them to other people. They would be just for me to look at and think back on the good old days and maybe masturbate to.

Kyle Gass: I think Gene Simmons may be the grossest rock star out there. He's a Republican, he's arrogant, he's unsavory, he's a misogynist, and he wears a codpiece.

Jack Black: It's scary just how unsexy he is.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: Before your live shows you've occasionally warned fans, "If you don't want your asses blown out, leave the room." Are you suggesting your music acts as a laxative?

Kyle Gass: The live show is pretty entertaining. You could feasibly laugh the shit out of yourself. I don't think that's far-fetched.

Jack Black: They say laughter is the best medicine, and if you're constipated, the D could do the trick.

Kyle Gass: I think we could heal just about anyone if we laid our hands on them. You can accomplish a lot with just the power of suggestion.

Jack Black: We could cure almost any vaginal----. Wait, no. I was going to say we could cure any vaginal disease if you let us put our penises in you. But we don't want to put our penises in diseased vaginas. Never mind. I didn't think that through.

Kyle Gass: I think we can cure a lot of depression--with a smile.

Jack Black: Oh God, that's crap. That's the kind of quote that'll haunt us forever. Way to go, K.G.

Q 21

PLAYBOY: You both quit smoking for this movie. How's that working out?

Jack Black: I originally quit because I wanted to stay alive to see the movie released. But then we finished it and I went to New Zealand to do King Kong and started smoking again. So now I'm in a very foul mood because I'm trying to quit again.

Kyle Gass: Do you have any Nicorette^® gum?

Jack Black: Yeah, but only no. 2. It's the lightweight stuff. It doesn't have the same wallop. But if you chew two no. 2s, it equals a no. 4.

Kyle Gass: I don't know about that.

Jack Black: You think it only equals a no. 3? Dude, two 2-milligrams equals a 4-milligram.

Kyle Gass: I don't know. I think it's the same. Do you chew them at the same time?

Jack Black: If I drink a Tab one-calorie soda, and I drink two of them, how many calories have I just had? Two calories. End of the subject. I rest my case. I win!

Kyle Gass: I've also been trying to quit smoking pot. My tolerance just got so low. I was like a chemo patient. I did so much of it, I just wasn't getting high any more.

Jack Black: That's terrible, Kyle. It's like a betrayal of the fans.

Kyle Gass: It probably is. We did an informal poll, and roughly 63 percent of our fans are smoking weed. I'm saying, "Kids, there's a better way." I'm getting on my soapbox now. I'm only eight days in, but I'm saying there may be a better way. I actually think it's important to try and quit at least once. I was getting to a point where I felt like I was in the Wu Tang Clan. That's not good for anybody.