Q 13

PLAYBOY: In the past five years you've had a lot of small supporting roles on TV shows like The Sopranos and Third Watch. Was it difficult to make the transition from comedy to drama?

Will Arnett: Not really, because I'm very good at what I do. [laughs] The Sopranos was particularly challenging. In one scene I held a baby. In another scene the woman playing my wife was on the phone and I was in the background. So those were tough scenes.

Q 14

PLAYBOY: You portrayed a pedophile on the crime drama Law & Order: SVU. Did you play pedophilia for laughs?

Will Arnett: Well, I didn't technically play a pedophile. I was a pedophile enabler. I was a travel agent to pedophiles, leading them to countries where the laws against such things are a little more lenient than in this country. It was definitely an unsavory character. The night the show aired, I was in Toronto having dinner with my sisters. My mom said she was going to watch the show, and when it ended she called my cell phone. Right away I could sense something weird in her voice. She just said, "Is your sister there?" And I said, "Yeah. Hey, did you see Law & Order?" There was this long silence, and she said, "Yes. Yes, I did." Nothing else. That was it. Oookay. We never discussed it again.

Q 15

PLAYBOY: You also provided the voice-over for a series of GMC truck commercials in which you made the memorable announcement, "It's not more than you need, just more than you're used to." Have you used this same line to hit on the ladies?

Will Arnett: I usually say, "It's not more than you're used to, just more than you need." That seems to be more accurate. But you know, it's not as if people are clamoring to hear the tagline for GMC trucks. I sometimes get recognized for my voice, which is always surprising. People come up to me and say, "Hey, will you leave your voice on my outgoing message?" Uh, I don't know, man. I've never been comfortable with stuff like that. But I guess it's kind of cool.

Q 16

PLAYBOY: You're starring in a remarkable five films this year. How long before the inevitable Arnett backlash?

Will Arnett: I don't know. When do you think? Are a lot of people talking about the backlash already? Who told you about it? It was my publicist, wasn't it? Goddamn it, why does he keep putting that out there? You're the eighth person who has mentioned it to me. He keeps telling people, "Ask Arnett about the backlash." God, I need to fire that prick. Goddamn him! It's good, though. I was lucky enough to be on a show that wasn't highly rated, so I think the bulk of the country has no fucking clue who I am. So people haven't been inundated with me yet, which is the exact opposite of how I'd like it.

Q 17

PLAYBOY: How does a guy like you sweep Amy Poehler off her feet?

Will Arnett: Amy and I were introduced by a mutual friend, but I'd actually known about her for a few years prior to that. I went to see her when she was performing in the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York. I used to live around the corner from the UCB Theatre, and I'd go see her do improv all the time. That sounds a lot creepier than it was. I mean, I never cut up letters from assorted magazines in order to create a note for her. But I eventually won her over with sex--I'm not going to lie. And the fact that we're both in comedy was just icing on that cake. [His cell phone rings.] Hey, look, Amy's calling now. [He picks up.] Hey, babe, I'm just finishing up here. Are you gonna be up for a few minutes? [pause] Really? [long pause] Really? [long pause] Okay, I'll call you soon. [He hangs up.] Bitch. God, what a ballbuster.

Q 18

PLAYBOY: In addition to Blades of Glory, you and Amy are performing together in the upcoming movies On Broadway and Spring Breakdown. Who is riding whose coattails?

Will Arnett: We don't like to think of it that way. [whispers] I'm definitely riding her coattails. Prior to Arrested Development, Amy was obviously a more known entity, and I was just Amy's husband. When we came out to L.A. because she was working on Mean Girls, we stayed at a fancy hotel. I called room service to ask for some coffee, and the concierge said, "Very good, Mr. Poehler." I told Amy, and we had a good laugh about it, though she laughed a little harder than I did. We've been asked to do a romantic comedy together, but we're just not interested. [pause] Unless we're talking big money. Then fuck yeah, I'll sell my relationship out.

Q 19

PLAYBOY: A lot of comics are superstitious and wear lucky clothing or follow strange preshow rituals. Do you have any superstitions?

Will Arnett: I kill a baby before every performance. It's dangerous, especially in this age of DNA and all that crap. You have to stay one step ahead of those forensic pathologists. Oh, just so we're clear, when I say "baby" I mean cigarette. You know that, right? In Canada, we refer to cigarettes as babies. They're my little babies. Twenty fresh babies every day. You didn't think I meant an actual baby, did you? Oh God, no. That would just be awful. [long, thoughtful pause] But you know, if that worked, I'd probably do that, too. Yeah, I'd kill a baby if it meant I might get an Oscar.

Q 20

PLAYBOY: You speak fluent French. Will you teach us a few dirty words in French?

Will Arnett: I know nothing that would impress you. The best French Canadian swearwords are tabarnak, which means tabernacle, and câlisse, which is chalice. All the French Canadian swears are based on religious artifacts. It's like the worst thing you can say. "Oh, câlisse!" See, I told you it wasn't that impressive. French cursing is hilarious. Eventually they just defer to English. I don't think you could say anything in French that would compete with cocksucker.

Q 21

PLAYBOY: When the movie of your life is made, who will play Will Arnett?

Will Arnett: Imagine, if you will, a human being who combines the looks of a Brad Pitt, the wit of a Carrot Top, the appetite for booze and ladies of a Babe Ruth and the body of a pre-diet Kirstie Alley. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "Will, such a beast doesn't exist." I don't want to get into the details of my cyborg project, because it doesn't have anything to do with this interview. Let's just say that all the classified shit I'm dealing with right now has to remain classified. Have I dealt with military-grade weapons? No. And by no I mean yes. Have I done black-ops? Do I keep this country safe on the weekends? Clearly. I've got the heart of a warrior; I'm not going to lie. But what you really want to know is, would I use my connections with rogue spy organizations and top-secret technology to create some kind of cyborg-type creature to portray me in a film? Without question.