PLAYBOY: Any other major differences?
FARRELL: Irish women are very strong compared with American women. A lot of them have tongues like serpents. Irish girls are great fun. They drink all night and fucking get pissed out of their minds. And if they want to have a row with you, they do. There is a good bit of casual sex and the girls are seldom the ones being abused or misused. They're just getting off you what you want to get off them. So I love the fucking society there. A one-night stand did never a bad person make.

PLAYBOY: Do you find American women fascinated by an uncircumcised penis?
FARRELL: They are kind of fucking fascinated with a foreskin, aren't they? In Ireland, at birth we don't get the top of our fucking knobs chopped off. I fucking completely disagree with that. People say, "It's much cleaner to have no foreskin." What, have you never heard of a fucking shower? Of Q-Tips? Whatever way you want to do it, just clean the fucking thing. I was at a party with about 20 people, one of them an agent from CAA, when somehow the subject of foreskins came up. She said, "I just don't understand a foreskin. I've never seen one." So I whipped out my dick and said, "Here, that's all it is. A bit of skin." I did a little Puppetry of the Penis thing and showed her what it was about. You would have thought she was at a circus the way she was looking at me.

PLAYBOY: Why do actors and prostitutes seem to make good bedfellows?
FARRELL: It's really as fucking simple as sometimes I don't want to go to a bar and get to know someone because I know all I'm looking for is the simple act of sexual intimacy. It's like ordering a fucking pizza. Someone comes around, you spend an hour, you have a smoke with them afterward. It's a harmless interaction. I have never been with a prostitute that I haven't been completely polite to and just treated like a fucking human being. I'm not a great man for degradation.

PLAYBOY: No leather, whips, clamps, chains and dungeons?
FARRELL: Not yet, but I'm young. I've got time. I've just got to get that particular phone number.

PLAYBOY: You're not wary of a hooker going straight to the tabloids about you?
FARRELL: There is safety in the idea of getting a high-class hooker who's going to keep her fucking mouth shut. You do whatever you want to do behind closed doors, and they don't become involved or embroiled in your personal life. I'm very fucking flippant with all that shit. I could really give a fuck what people say about me. If there were an article about me in the newspaper saying "Irish actor found with prostitute in LA hotel," my mother wouldn't say, "I can't believe you did that." She would say, "Did you pay by check or fucking cash? Is there a paper record?" She knows I'm not a bad fucking guy.

PLAYBOY: In 2001 you and actress Amelia Warner were married for approximately four months. How did that affect you?
FARRELL: It was tough. Being in love and then finding yourself not in love as you once were, for me, was a fucking jagged little pill. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand how I felt different. I'm not going to talk about her, though. Just respect that. Being in love is tough and it's gorgeous and I'd do it all over again.

PLAYBOY: How did Hollywood impress you when you were growing up?
FARRELL: I was always influenced by it -- Steve McQueen, Brando, Clift. Ernest Borgnine I've seen in I don't know how many fucking movies. I think I was eight or nine when I had a fucking mad thing for Marilyn Monroe. When I saw her movies, I'd just never seen anything like her. I fell madly in love with her and she was actually the first woman I ever fell in love with. I used to leave Smarties, the Irish equivalent of M&M's, under my pillow with a little note saying, "I know you're dead, but these are very fucking tasty and you should come and have a few. I won't tell anyone." I'd get pissed off every night when I'd go up to bed and the fucking Smarties would still be there. I couldn't figure out why Marilyn didn't just want to take one of my fucking Smarties.

PLAYBOY: Why Marilyn in particular?
FARRELL: Even as a kid, you could look at her on-screen, look into her eyes, her face and see how sweet, insecure, gentle, weak and maybe afraid she was of the whole thing while embracing it with big open arms. Mix that up with the boldness, the dirtiness of her character, the hips, the walk on her, that she was the dirtiest fucking ride and had the fragility of a bird with a fucking clipped wing -- I mean, that would break a man's heart every time.

PLAYBOY: Was she a sexual fantasy for you?
FARRELL: Did I ever wank to her? Yeah, I would have, but I would usually just fucking whack off to calendar and magazine girls. Marilyn was more a kind of a dream, an idea I would have while lying on my back thinking fucking romantic thoughts. But for wanking material, you'd always go to trashy mags. I used to whack off to Naomi Campbell. I went though a year of where I couldn't get her out of my mind. I'd think of her and just be touching myself.

PLAYBOY: Have you met her since?
FARRELL: I have, yeah, but I haven't told her. There was Linda Fiorentino, too. I used to fucking whack off to her, especially in The Last Seduction. When I met her, I told her.

PLAYBOY: How did that go?
FARRELL: She quite liked the idea. I didn't get a slap in the face, so I think she took it as all right.