Once upon a time, a New Hampshire tractor-trailer full of Keystone beer collided head-on with a truck of radioactive ooze. That day Keggy, Dartmouth's very unofficial mascot, was born.

Dartmouth has been missing a symbol of school spirit since it canned its Indian in 1970. Currently its sports teams are known as the Big Green. "Anything besides a color and a dimension would be better," says Keggy, whose heritage is a tip of the hat back to the Dartmouth-based chug-a-lug fraternity in Animal House. Last fall he began showing up at games and has been, um, absorbed by the student body ever since. "I've only had two people confront me and say I'm not funny and a bad influence," Keggy says. "Those people are huge dorks."

Playboy.com: What's your beer of choice?
Keggy: I don't really know how to answer that. I mean, what's your favorite blood type?

PB: Do Dartmouth students throw a lot of keggers?
Keggy: Oh, yeah! It's a kegger 24/7 here. Although I don't know what goes on when I'm not in the room.

PB: What's your pre-game routine?
Keggy: You could say I do a lot of pre-gaming. A lot of pre-gaming.

PB: Do you have any special talents?
Keggy: I wave my arms and dance, trying to get the crowd excited, and when I meet a really excited fan I let him or her pump my tap. I'm the only mascot I know of with fun working parts.

PB: What's the best part about going to Dartmouth?
Keggy: Well, it's pretty cold here, which I like. It keeps me at a nice drinking temperature. People here throw a lot of parties, so I stay busy.

PB: And the worst part?
Keggy: Discrimination. I've been thrown out of more classes than I can count. I'm never going to finish my chemistry major.

PB: Do you have any rivalries among the other Ivy mascots?
Keggy: Billy the Bong at Brown University is kind of a jerk. I get along with Marty the Princeton Martini pretty well, though.

PB: How do you celebrate after a big win?
Keggy: Well, I don't like to engage in behavior that would ruin my professional image, so I try to go out and party after every victory. I don't normally dress up, but one Halloween I painted my body as a Tootsie Roll.

PB: What gives you an edge over other mascots?
Keggy: I'm not really sure how to say this without sounding arrogant. I guess I just represent something worth fighting for, you know? Nobody is going to get too worked up about whether the U Mass Minutemen defeat their enemies. But everybody gets into it when I'm at the game.

PB: How do you stay in shape?
Keggy: I'm just naturally cylindrical. Although I do get pumped up now and again.

PB: What's your ideal woman like?
Keggy: Well, she has to have a high tolerance. It's tough to get a blow job for more than about six seconds.