PLAYBOY: Most people know you as Jay and Silent Bob, the slacker best friends from the movies Clerks, Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, among others. The characters have also been in comic books, a TV show and a feature-length cartoon that came out this spring. What’s next for them, a musical?
SMITH: We want to do a projection—you know, like they did with Tupac Shakur. We’re going to record a lot of shit now so that when we’re gone, they can bring us out onstage.
MEWES: I think a video game would be pretty cool.
SMITH: Oh yeah. We’ve done some app games, but maybe a game where we’re shooting at each other. Jay vs. Silent Bob—that might be badass. Can you imagine those guys armed to the teeth? All right, we just talked ourselves into it.
PLAYBOY: You’ve done 10 films together, not counting the upcoming Clerks III. Who owes their career to whom?
MEWES: I definitely owe everything to Kevin. I never would have thought to write a script or direct a movie or put somebody like me in it. It was all Kevin’s idea.
SMITH: I truly feel my biggest creative influence is Mewes. The guy is unfiltered and fucking unfettered. I grew up in a world where things happen up here [points to head] and they go through a filter and get sifted before they come out here [points to mouth]. The beauty of Mewes is somebody pulled his filter out at birth. A thought pops into his brain and it immediately falls out of his mouth.
PLAYBOY: You two met in your hometown of Highlands, New Jersey. Were you instant BFFs?
SMITH: Not really. At first I was jealous of him. I started hanging out with him when I was 18 and he was 14. I inherited him from my friends Walter and Bryan. We were going to a comic book show in New York, and I was driving. So I showed up and Mewes was with them. He was Dennis the Menace but way dirtier. Everything was “pussy, pussy, pussy,” even though he obviously hadn’t seen a pussy since he’d sprung from one. And then, while we’re on the highway, he takes out his penis.
PLAYBOY: Because…why exactly?
MEWES: I thought it was funny.
SMITH: He was like, “Man, is it cold in here or is it me?” And you look down and he’s pulled his pants to his knees and he’s sitting there with his dick out, flapping it, going “Naauugggg!” At first it was like, “Put that away!” After months of hanging out with him, you realize that’s just what Jason does. I’ve seen his dick more than I’ve seen my own. So yeah, we weren’t friends right away. It took a while to percolate, but now he really is my best friend. Every morning we get up at 10 a.m. and walk in the hills with our dogs. If you’re driving around the Hollywood Hills, periodically you’ll turn a corner and see Jay and Silent Bob walking their fucking dogs.
PLAYBOY: You co-host a podcast called Jay & Silent Bob Get Old. You’re 38 and 42. Is that what counts as old now?
SMITH: The title is more about making fun of ourselves before somebody else does. It steals their thunder. I remember suggesting the title to Mewes and he got really defensive and uptight about it. He was like, “We’re not old!”
MEWES: I don’t feel old, but I’m definitely feeling older. For me, the “get old” part is more about our history. We’ve been doing this shit for 25 years. We’ve had ups and downs. We’re not necessarily old, but you know.…
SMITH: [Laughs] You’re still defensive about it. You’re old, dude.
MEWES: Fuck that.
PLAYBOY: Jason, there have been more death rumors about you than about Paul McCartney. Is the sixth time someone reports you’re dead as scary as the first?
SMITH: The first was definitely the scariest, I think for both of us. People magazine called, I think it was during the Bennifer era, when I was shooting Jersey Girl, and asked “Do you have a statement on the death of your friend Jason Mewes?” I hadn’t seen Jason in months at that point. He was MIA, and I was like, “Oh God!” I gave a statement and hung up, and seconds later the phone rang again and it was fucking Mewes. He was like, “People are saying that I’m dead. But I’m not dead!”
MEWES: I had left California and was driving to Jersey to turn myself in.
SMITH: He had an outstanding warrant in New Jersey.
MEWES: It took me almost four months to drive across the country, because I kept stopping and partying. My sister called to tell me people were saying I was dead. My cousin passed away and I guess people thought it was me. They found him OD’d on the beach.
PLAYBOY: In your podcast and live shows, you both share intimate details about your sex life. How do your wives feel about that?
SMITH: My wife learned early on that our life was fodder for conversation. She heard me tell a story about the first time we had sex—I cut my dick on her jeans zipper and it started bleeding and we had sex anyway—and she was like, “What the fuck is your problem? You told people we had unprotected sex and you had an open wound on your dick.” I was like, “Yeah, but it’s sweet. We fall in love, we wind up together. It’s a good story.” It was baptism by fire for her.
MEWES: I told a story the other night about how my lady was doing hot yoga at the gym and she queefed and it was so loud the person next to her heard it. Afterward she was like, “I didn’t say you could share that story!” She was embarrassed and a little upset.
PLAYBOY: You’ve worked with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in Dogma, Chasing Amy and other films. Which one has the filthiest sense of humor?
SMITH: Absolutely Ben! I’ve kept e-mails from him from back in the day, just because they’re so hysterical and filthy and wrong. Ben is one of the dirtiest people I’ve ever met, dirtier than Redd Foxx. He’s probably cleaned up substantially now that he’s married. I don’t think his wife, Jennifer Garner, likes me very much. I worked with her on Catch and Release, and you could just tell she did not dig me or my sense of humor at all.
MEWES: Did you ever say anything to Ben?
SMITH: I talked to him about it at one point. I was like, “I don’t get it. I say the same fucking shit you do.” And he goes, “You don’t think I say that kind of shit to my wife, do you? Kev, you have to know your audience.”
PLAYBOY: A regular part of your live show is “Let Us Fuck,” when you act out strange sexual positions with audience members. Has life ever imitated art?
SMITH: Have we tried any of those positions at home? I haven’t. None of them look comfortable. There’s never been one where I’m like, “Honey, tonight we’re trying the Ewok Cock Block and the Donald Duck Mouth Fuck.”
Mewes: The Ewok Cock Block would be the one to try.
PLAYBOY: Kevin, you once claimed that Jason had sex with Nicole Richie in a public bathroom. The tabloids reported it and caused a minor controversy. Jason, did that discourage you from having sex in public restrooms?
MEWES: I can’t do stuff like that anymore. My lady is definitely not into it, even in my bathroom at home. I try, and she says, “I don’t want to fuck in the bathroom.”
SMITH: These are married women with beds. “Why should we do this?”
Mewes: Nothing against beds, but if I was still single, I’d be trying to do some bathroom situations. I can’t remember the last time I had sex in public.
SMITH: What about on the beach in Australia?
MEWES: Oh yeah, right.
SMITH: The sad thing is, he did it more for the story. We were in Australia, and he said, “I’m going to try to have sex with my lady on the beach.” I asked why, and he said, “Just so I can tell the story on a podcast.”