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Ask Aladeen: Sex
  • August 23, 2012 : 09:08
  • comments

Every few decades, a man of such uncommon charm, sexual magnetism and unparalleled instances of documented human cruelty emerges and is immediately catapulted into full-blown pop cultural relevance. This time, it is the one and certainly only Admiral General Aladeen, gentleman dictator of the Republic of Wadiya himself. Fresh off the promotional trail for his worldwide box office hit The Dictator, follow Aladeen as he goes up against some of the strangest advice queries we’ve ever received and comes back with answers that are somehow even stranger.

And just because Aladeen’s at the top of his game doesn’t mean he’s stopped counting — he says the proof is in the pillage, and we can’t disagree or he’ll kill us. Join the (admittedly open) ranks by adding yourself to Aladeen’s Wall of Sexual Conquests now.


Question:
Three’s a threesome. Four’s a foursome. Heck, five’s a fivesome. How many does it take to have a real orgy, and how engaged must everyone be in the dirty deeds? You dictators must have some pretty crazy parties; what’s your best group sex story?

Answer: As to what number of people actually constitutes an orgy, that’s a difficult one — my rule of thumb is that you should be able to see photos of it afterwards on Google Earth. I think that the biggest-ever orgy I took part in is a weekend in 2009 when I had sex with Estonia. It was exhausting, really tough going — especially the men. Group sex is a way of life for me; at first glance, my palace bedroom, on a daily basis, pretty much resembles a mass grave — in fact, Wadiya’s third-biggest import is Viagra (after uranium and kidnapped supermodels). I do have ethics, though, and try to avoid sex before marriage — and it’s not just enough for the girls to say that they’ve got husbands, I like to find them and make them watch.

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read more: Sex and Dating, ask aladeen, advice, sex advice

1 comments

  • CHRISTOPHER
    CHRISTOPHER
    A question for the Admiral General: Does Wadiya have a no-fly zone, and does this save time during orgies?
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