<p>Jenny Mollen weighs in on girlfriends who snoop their boyfriend's Facebook accounts.<br></p>
My girlfriend is totally checking my Facebook chats. How do I know this? Because anytime I’ve been talking with someone online, she “organically” brings up whatever topic I’ve been talking about. She’s always had crazy trust issues, but this is a little strange. Does she really think that I’m attracted to a girl I met at a bar three years ago? So what if we talk sometimes! I don’t think that it’s any of her business to know and keep tabs on all of these conversations I’m having. Why the hell is she doing this?! Should I even bother bringing this up or just dump her?
Quick question: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TALKING TO A GIRL YOU MET AT A BAR THREE YEARS AGO? I think your girlfriend’s trust issues probably stem from the fact that you’re the type of guy who has maintained contact with a girl you met at a bar THREE YEARS AGO! And sidebar, if you aren’t attracted to this girl, why the fuck are you having Facebook conversations with her? Just to be nice? Out of boredom? Because you creepily enjoy seeing pictures of her vacation to Sandals Jamaica?
I do happen to agree with you that your girlfriend shouldn’t be checking your Facebook chats, but the bigger problem is that she is FINDING SHIT! I don’t really see how you can be upset with her for looking when you ARE being shady. What men fail to realize is that Facebook was tailor-made for the resourceful girlfriend. Not only can we track who you’re talking to, we are also provided with times, dates, relationship statuses and pictures! As it is, women are better sleuths than men will ever be. Now Facebook gives us the tools to find out every small detail we used to have to make up in order to trick you into confessing. What I’m saying is, if you’re leaving a trail online, you’re fucked. If you want to be a dog, maybe you should have fucked the girl from the bar three years ago when you actually had the chance. She’s over you now anyway.
Jenny Mollen is a writer, actress and all-around gorgeous sassy badass who lives in L.A. with her dog Teets and husband Jason Biggs. She writes about her life on TheSmokingJacket.com in her highly popular column What She Said. Follow her on Twitter at @JennyAndTeets and on Instagram at JennyAndTeets2.