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#AskPlayboy: The Coquette on Fun Sized Advice
  • October 08, 2012 : 12:10
  • comments

Is it normal for a person to keep a detailed record of every single person they ever hooked up with? With pictures and attractiveness ratings.

No. No, no, no. Nooo.

How do you deal with a relationship that has ended but the person just throws shit at you because their perception is that you abandoned them?

If you still have to deal with the relationship, then it hasn't really ended, now has it?

What are your thoughts on the phrase: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

It's a tired cliché referencing antiquated and irrelevant notions of virginity and marriage. You can safely ignore anyone who mumbles that kind of stupidity.

What do you do when you realize you have become what you fear most?

Either embrace what you've become or change.

Changing my relationship status on Facebook after a breakup feels stupid and insignificant, but it also somehow feels necessary for closure... I can't figure out why.

Your Facebook profile is an expression of your public identity, and while publishing your relationship status is inherently stupid and insignificant, it doesn't change the fact that making the breakup public also makes it official. Thus, you feel a sense of closure.

What does it take to have a woman like you, if only for a little while?

I'm not a possession, dude. No one gets to have me.

Why do women hate other women?

It's one of the ugly side effects of the patriarchy.

My girl thinks her intense, sometimes needy love for me is getting in the way of her sexual desire for me. Do people have trouble fucking the ones that they love? Is that a thing?

It's not a healthy thing, but yeah, it's a thing. The two of you need to spend some time openly communicating about this. You've got to get to the root cause of this issue, or it's bound to end in disaster.

How do I tell the girl I like that I'm interested in her without being awkward?

What's your reason for telling her that you're interested? Are you trying to date her? Fuck her? What are your intentions? Has she done anything to lead you to believe that she might have feelings for you too? Hell, is she even available? If you don't have clear and immediate answers to all of these questions, there's no hope of you not making it awkward.

How do I know if my girlfriend loves me?

Dude, she'll tell you with her actions and her words exactly how she feels about you. If you're not paying attention to what she's telling you, that's a minor communication issue you can fix by being present in the relationship. If you don't believe what she's telling you, that's a major trust issue you need to address or it will ruin everything.

I'm caucasian and attracted to a brilliant, attractive Asian woman. There's long-term potential, but when I think about having kids, everything stops; I want kids that look about half like me. Is this some strain of racism? Pride? If not, what the hell is it? And how do I overcome it? Thanks.

Your kids will still look like you, dipshit. That's how it works. And yeah, for the record, your reaction is good old fashioned racism with a little dash of narcissism thrown in for good measure. Overcome it by pulling your head out of your ass.

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Follow The Coquette on Twitter @coketweet

read more: Sex and Dating, ask coquette, ask playboy, dating advice

9 comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    So women hate other women because of...men. Yeah, sure thing. Way to take responsibility for your insecurities.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Re Dick size: The ads talk about penis size because our society is oddly obsessed with penis length/shape/etc as a measure of masculinity, not because it is what women actually want.. Size doesn't matter if the guy is willing to put in the effort to satisfy the woman. Men have other tools in the bedroom besides a penis. Most notably, open communication. Grow up.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    "So women hate other women because of...men. Yeah, sure thing. Way to take responsibility for your insecurities." Please. You're telling me, on PLAYBOY.COM, that women have no reason to be insecure around other women? And that our boyfriends/husbands jacking off to this shit every day doesn't set an impossibly high standard of beauty & impose the need for a simple minded and impossibly-always-horny way of thinking/being? If women across the country began masturbating to male-centered porn daily & if we checked out other guys when we were out with our partners, one of two things would happen: #1. Men would dress women up in burkhas & lock them away, or #2. You'd all begin killing each other to prove you're the most worthy mate, like animals do. Men decided to embrace female sexuality & encourage them to be open about it publicly. Then when we do become sexually free, we're slut-shamed. We're encouraged to be catwalk-ready beautiful all the time, then we're called vein or told we "kind of look like a bitch." We're supposed to be horny & sexy 24/7, but ONLY around our partners. Then if we actually ARE horny & sexy, you all blow your loads before WE can get off. You broke the system. Stop accusing us of being insecure when we're simply trying to acknowledge & fix it. Women are great at fixing men's fuck-ups. This article proves that.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Where do you think those insecurities are shaped? The Patriarchy. Incidentally, women make up the Patriarchy as much as men do. It's a mindset and culture, not a cabal of schmucks like you in a room smoking cigars.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Lady here: size doesn't fucking matter. I HATED sex when I was dating a guy with a giant dick. Sex sucked. My boy now has the most perfect, lovely, average-sized penis... and we have the BEST SEX.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Men and Patriarchy are different things.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Women who are very insistent about having an outsized penis are probably the inexperienced ones tbh. If they think that average penises are too small then they are using porn, and not real world experience, as their point of reference. Avoid.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    why do women say size doesn't matter ..yet they always say in their ads some reference to seeking: big/hung/larger/thick etc... would 7x7 [measured medically] be considered huge to you?.. every lover has made a comment about the excessive girth.. [it looks small to me though! LOL] some were even very scared initially... yet all eventually took it ..... love their stories of all the SMALL ONES... LOL
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Patriarchy isn't men, dear, it's a system enforced by people of all genders that encourages female insecurity to keep us occupied and quietly insane while putting a big fragile ego around male insecurity to keep you playing into the system.
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