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#ASKPLAYBOY: THE COQUETTE ON NICE GUY SYNDROME
  • September 10, 2012 : 11:09
  • comments

I'm a 21 year old guy with one more semester of college left. If there was a textbook of "nice slightly geeky guy," it'd have my picture there. I'm not fat, I'm not pimply, but I'm not cut or super-hot either… just a slightly above-average looking guy who knows how to treat a girl.

All of that introduces my question: why is it that I always get thrown into the friend zone? To clarify, I get put into the "gay best friend" zone. I'm straight as the day is long, but I'm the one who gets to hear about new shoes, shopping, cute boys, shitty boys, assholes who stood them up... you get the drift.

Is it because I listen too much? Am I too nice? Should I not offer a shoulder to cry on, tell her the shoes are cute (when they are), or that the dude she's dating is a douche who's probably fucking someone else too?

Can you help me? I'm asking because there's a gorgeous, intelligent girl I'd usually say is out of my league that has expressed lots of interest, and I don't want her to turn me into another "gay best friend" style friend, where I get to hear about her day, her shoes, and her boy problems.


Ugh. Nothing rolls my eyes into the back of my head faster than a "nice guy" who whines about being in the friend zone, and quite frankly, if it weren't my job to try and smack some sense into you, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself for the ignorant "gay best friend" remarks. (Not cool, dude.)

Let's be clear, you are not a nice guy. You are actually a magnificent douchebag with a raging case of Nice Guy Syndrome. (Yep, it's a thing. Look it up.)

While we're at it, let's be clear about something else. You don't know how to treat a girl. You say you do, but you don't have the slightest fucking clue. If you really knew how to treat a girl, you wouldn't bitch about listening too much, and you wouldn't act like a shoulder to cry on is only something to offer if it's in furtherance of getting you laid.

That kind of thinking is glaring evidence of the underlying issue with guys like you. You don't actually respect women. You pretend like you do, and you may even believe that you do, but it's not real.

It's outrageous and downright insulting that you think a girl has the ability to turn you into a "gay best friend." You're doing that to yourself, because you aren't really being a friend in the first place. You're just acting like one with the ridiculous expectation that platonic behavior on your part might somehow transmogrify into romantic behavior on her part.

Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Platonic relationships are different than romantic ones. They begin differently, they progress differently, and they sure as hell end differently. You better cozy up to that fact pretty quick, because you simply cannot continue to behave like this with the new relationship. If you want a romantic relationship, you have to be emotionally honest from the get go.

You have to put yourself out there, and if she rejects you as a potential romantic partner, you have to move on without thinking platonic behavior will eventually entitle you to something romantic.

read more: Sex and Dating, ask coquette, ask playboy, dating advice

96 comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Exactly. There's nothing wrong with just being friends with women. But if you don't genuinely enjoy her company & genuinely wish to be there for her when she needs you because you care about how she feels, you shouldn't be acting as if you do in the vain hope that it will somehow get you laid. Women don't sleep with any guy who is nice to them, they sleep with guys they are sexually attracted to. If you are interested in a woman sexually, you'll have to let her know that & see if she feels the same way. Having lots of female friends whom you genuinlely like will help you meet more women & you'll have a better shot of meeting a woman who feels the same way you do for her. But if you don't genuinely like her personality, you won't have real love or even a decent fuckbuddy- so find a woman you actually enjoy being nice to, & actually be a nice guy to her, & you'll be much happier & less of a douche.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Wow, this qualifies as "advice"? Ask a legitimate question, and get ripped apart, called a d-bag, called a liar??? Ridiculous... aside from the GBF comment (which, incidentally IS NOT offensive or derogatory to homosexuals, if anything it points out some of their strengths), he asks an honest question (that MANY have asked in the past) and comes to you for help, and this is your response?! Absolutely horrible and worthless. I expect MUCH more from Playboy... this new Coquette is NOT living up to your lofty standards. Find a new columnist, this one is broken.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    What an incredibly useless answer. Not only do you completely manage to avoid answering the question but you berate the guy based on your assumptions. You have provided nothing even remotely close to advice, all you have done is show how big of a magnificent douchebag with a raging case of self importance Syndrome you are. Any dipshit with an opinion can write what you did, perhaps the problem is that you dont know the answer.....
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    The fact that in your introduction to this answer you not only called this man a "magnificent douchebag" but also made the claim: "You don't know how to treat a girl." voids any and all chances you might have had of anyone taking you seriously. You don't know him personally. You have no idea who he is. You aren't possessed of the facts you would need to make such an all-encompassing assumption about that fellow's personality traits. Anyone with any sense would disregard everything you've said here. This guy is just a victim of feminized culture and media. He's been raised to think women want these pansy sweethearts that listen all the time and worship them. Women even say they want this. Biology would beg to differ.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Coquette is right. What this guy doesn't understand is that he's not actually friends with these girls. If you don't enjoy the conversations you're having or the time you're spending with someone, then YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS. He just hangs around with people, pretends to care when they talk, and gets upset that they don't make a move on him or ask him out? He needs to recognize that what he's doing will not get him laid or a relationship. If he just wants to hook up with a chick, then he should make his intentions clear and hit on her. If she rejects him, he needs to get the fuck over himself and move on. If he wants an awesome relationship, he should hang out with men and women whose company he genuinely enjoys, and see if romantic attraction organically arises with any of them. if he's not actually gay it won't happen with the men, but eh, you never know.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Sure this guy needs a real wake up call, but your advice is empty. It doesn't address the fact that many women his age say "I want to start as friends first" in order to weed out the men who actually think women mean what they say. It doesn't address that many women his age say "All I want is a nice guy" in order to weed out the beta males. Just calling the guy a douche, says to me that you don't really have any advice for this guy. You are just one more pretty girl who thinks that just because you know what you want from a man, you think it's just as intuitive for all men. How about pointing him towards some actual resources, instead of just insulting him? There are lots of PUA materials online that address this very issue. Your advice "just quit being a pussy" is not helpful.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    PREACH. LOVE THIS GIRL'S RESPONSE.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Absolutely brilliant ... We'll said ... This women knows what its all about .. Might even consider a subscription .. If this is the world class insight I can expect ... And if the response hurts well unlucky u doing it wrong ...
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Haha yeah, so to all the Anons who are going off about how women "say" they want a "nice guy" or "just want to be friends first," in order to judge between the beta and alpha males, I'd like to first address how fucking dumb those two terms are in this context. It has nothing to do with whether or not you manage to assert dominance over a woman, or whether you kowtow to her needs. The type of men women want varies depending on the woman. The problem with NGS is that you've somehow mistaken the line of "I want to be friends first" with, "I want you to nod in agreement with me like a dumbass whenever words come out of my mouth so that you can pretend that it is obvious you have the hots for me." When someone says, "Let's be friends first," that means, let's fucking get to know each other before you decide that you're head over heels for me. That doesn't mean you surrender your romantic inclinations. It just means you can't come out of the fucking shadows with an invitation out to a date because you've been fantasizing about this chick in the corner of the room. It's not like girls want a complete douchebag in their life, this happens mostly because they are, in fact, just girls, and can't understand subtle flirting, much like yourself. So they go for the guys who radiate sexual and romantic interest in them, whether or not this is exclusive to their being. This isn't just jock-type guys; there are guys that can be low-key and attractive as well, or grovelling but in a hopelessly romantic sort of way. This is all appealing, however poorly presented, because it's apparent that they are interested beyond friendship. Whereas you sit there on the bench as the non-sexual acquaintance.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Fucking love Coquette. She said from the get go that she is one fierce queen and will not hesitate to give out harsh and much needed honesty; I hope this guy takes it.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    All you fuckers complaining about Coquette's response fail to realize that she's a different brand of advice columnist. She's not your mother and she sure as hell isn't here to hold anyone's hand or to sugarcoat the bullshit sent her way. Coquette is queen.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Coquette might be able to bring the playboy brand back into vogue. She's a straight shooter and little boys can't handle it. But adults know she's the real deal and offers intensely insightful advice. Been following her for years and her connection to playboy right now, just encouraged me to get a subscription again :) Smart Move Playboy! Best move in a DECADE
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I think you need to buck up and stop thinking friendship is going to buy you vagina kudos points. You need to show you're interested by radiating positive wave-lengths of sexual attraction, not platonic patience. Women LOVE to talk, and anyone that hangs about to listen so patiently to lady-blah is immediately friend-zoned. In other words, listen to a woman but use your physicality to move conversations into intimacy. Look at a woman a certain way, put your hand on the small of her back, etc. things that demonstrate sexual interest.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    All these people are so butt-hurt and it's hilarious. No one ever learned anything by being coddled. "Am I too nice?" Seriously? She did him a service with even bothering to answer. Her reply is teeming with good advice. I just hope the dude recognizes it and completely ignores all of these comments.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Aww, the guys are angry. Yeah, the truth hurts, don't it?
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    The problem with most of the guys leaving negative comments here is that they're accustomed to the "magic trick" approach to advice. The want advice columns to say "Oh, girls put you in the friendzone? No worries, with the right body language, some witty one liners and the perfect moves to manipulate any situation (or woman) in your favor, no one will ever friend zone again. Here's the step by step 1,2,3 guide. #1: don't tell her she's pretty....." No one wants to hear be "Emotionally honest with yourself and your love interest" Or, "Have the courage to be vulnerable and risk rejection rather than pretend to be her friend. That will only make you resentful when you don't get the expected ~return on your investment~. You can't control whether someone is romantically interested in you or not. All you can do is let them know, hope for the best and if it doesn't work out, digest the disappointment and move on the next one." Accepting responsibility for your choices and making painful decisions based on the reality of the situation? Blech. Why are you talking to me like I am an intelligent adult living in the real world? What cologne should I wear?
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I love you coquette! (first time commenter)
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    "...But most of all, stop thinking that what people so loathingly refer to as the “friendzone” is some sort of purgatory women put “nice guys” into. My friendship is not a crappy consolation prize that you’re left with if I deny you a sexual relationship– and my body is not your reward for good behavior. Thinking that simply being a “good guy,” whatever that may mean, entitles you to unlimited sex with the girl of your choice shows that you don’t truly believe women should be in control of, and have full ownership of, our own bodies; instead, it shows you think we should use them like doggy treats whenever you do the human equivalent of a jumping trick..." http://dukegroups.duke.edu/develledish/2012/the-good-guy-myth/
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Listen up, dudes. This chick knows what she is talking about. So suck it up, quit whining, and get out your pencils. You're going to need to take notes.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Genius. I know a few too many men to whom this applies. Nice guys don't advertise; they don't fucking need to.
  • GREGG
    GREGG
    Spot on answer, Coquette!
  • Hansu
    Hansu
    Well I'm not that guy.. but my lady friends do label me their gay bestfriend. They say it themselves with remarks from time to time like" why don't you like him?" "Why aren't you gay?" "You and him would make the perfect couple?" so
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Dude! You have to be cocky and funny! Sometimes being nice is not good for you. You have to give space and demand some space. Even if you feel like being with your very important person. If you just want to get laid, loosen up and don't care about if she likes you or not... what will happen will happen anyways! Your self-esteem is in very-low level. Make some changes in your lifestyle and get rid of that BS behavior! My name is Charlie and I approve this message! LOL
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    This seems to be a trend of people hating anyone saying they dont anyone using the 'friend zone'. I dont see any mention of the guy saying all he wanted was to get laid. I dont see any 'whining' in his question. I see a rude, and frankly sexist, response from an writer who seems desperate to frame any man who is looking for a relationship and unhappy that the girl he is interested in only wants a friendship, as some sort of monster. No ones denying these men exist but in every article ive read like this, the guy seems genuine and gets disgustingly attacked over semantics and hysterical accusations that dont even feature in his question. Thank you Coquette for perpetuating this idiocy.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    The response sucked...but the comments were golden
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I don't think bashing this guy was really within your responsibilities as a advice columnist. As written before, he was openly asking for sound advice not a tongue lashing. Furthermore, just how old are you? What qualifications do you have that makes you qualified of the PB advice column? Furthermore, I am completely done with the PC crap that has occurred in this country. GBF is not a slam on those that are gay, so get off your soapbox. Furthermore, the use of curse words by you was totally lame and shows your lack of intelligence, limited vocabulary and/or lack of finesse. While you might be able to structure a sentence properly and you might be able to slap others with words, you definitely don't have the proper skills necessary in writing a column for a leading sexual advice magazine like PB. It is this reader's opinion that you need to be re-schooled, get a degree in psychology (masters or PHD) and become certified as a counselor before you continue in your current profession.
  • Cory
    Cory
    In this day and age, in our present society and culture, it's ridiculous to expect any 21-year-old to be polished and refined. Some of what you said at the end is close to being sensible advice, but really, reading this is like watching someone kick a puppy.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    yeah i gotta admit, as much as i like you coquette, this advice was a little too harsh. i'm a girl and when guys are exceedingly nice to me it tends to turn me off. now that probably says something about my own issues, but isn't that the case for a lot of girls? Why didn't you address female insecurity/tendency to gravitate to alpha males? Fair enough, the dude is being all "oh woe is me", and he may be trying to get laid through friendship, but did you consider the possibility that he is ACTUALLY a nice guy with no wheeling skills? Maybe he has no backbone (which is unattractive to most girls), or maybe he is going for girls way out of his league. Regardless of whether he has a slew of ignorant beliefs about himself and girls in general, he is clearly upset and could use some help. It's too bad we didn't get some more constructive advice out of this...it's definitely a problem that affects a lot of people. Although people have to take responsibility for keeping their own misconceptions in check, a little compassion would be nice - it's tough growing up in a world that favours the alpha male.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Very true. I had that problem for years until I got some nerve and wasnt so nervous and getting rejected. Women like MEN, no matter what they look like.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I guess i agree with the main point here, but whats ignorant about the gay best friend bit? Thats quite accurate, so easy with the self righteousness. The point of entitlement was legitimate however, heres hoping your hard love approach actually helps, tho at the least im sure itll help pull in readers.
  • CHRISTOPHER
    CHRISTOPHER
    Way to give him zero advice! Terrible response.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    yes he should put himself out there and either be there for her or not, but really no reason to rip him like that, coquette you're a fucking bitch
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Kind of amusing talking about 'respecting women' while working for playboy, the poster child for female sexual objectification.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I've played this "bullshit nice guy" role. Yes, some women suss out the bullshit, but many more never do. In particular, "man up" isn't good advice because he doesn't know what that even means emotionally, well that's why he's behaving this way. I've largely escaped this "nice guy" trap myself, but doing so required (a) enormous effort and (b) relationships. Yes, there is a catch-22 here that Coquette missed, escaping the nice guy trap requires experiencing real relationships. What real sin has our 21 year old "nice guy" committed? Easy, he's going for women who are "out of his league" emotionally, albeit maybe not physically. I therefore recommend he start relationships with women that aren't quite so emotionally developed.. or date women who are emotionally developed but notably less attractive, maybe some fatty. You'll learn more if you start these training relationships with the attitude that you're there to grow emotionally, but any relationship will teach you something.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Coquette is a cunt who gets off on making presumptions and ripping people apart. She could have answered this in one simple sentence: Make your intentions clear, if they're interested pursue, if not, walk away.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    "Aww, the guys are angry. Yeah, the truth hurts, don't it?" It does indeed, every now and then I need a good reminder on the truth that most attractive women are just shallow manipulative bit#hs. Thanks for my reminder about the worst qualities of your gender Coquette and God help whomever ends up dating you.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    You're all ridiculous! Coquette is never wrong and this is the perfect example of it. This guy is up to his ears in Nice Guy Syndrome. NGS is real as hell and the comments on this are perfect examples of this. Christ, I bet half of you wear fedoras.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    All of the negative comments that think she's being too "mean" are the exactly people who need to take her advice. Man up.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Whoa! Heavy Straight-Talk. But, better for him to hear it at 21 than when he's 45
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    This is a cool article. How long has this column been going? I haven't seen this kind of (brutal) honesty in my history with Playboy. I'm a fan; keep it coming!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    theres no real advice in this except for "ask her out stupid" and thats not always the best way to do things.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    This is thee best! My goodness I know so many guys that act this way and feel that they are entitled from birth, like its some God-given rite of theirs to pretend to "be nice" and thenceforth proceed to get laid! I mean really guys! Man the fuck up!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Girls are not vending machines that you put friendship coins into and sex comes out, asshole.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    "i'm a girl and when guys are exceedingly nice to me it tends to turn me off." That's because you have problems.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    you go coquette! Smashed it! someone needs put an end to these insufferable nice guys once and for all
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Dear Coquette, Please marry me. Sincerely, Hater of the myth of the friend-zone and associated "nice-guy" bullshit.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Serving up a healthy dose of pragmatism here, sprinkled with a whiff brilliant intellect in the form of stimulating prose. I'm so here for the Coquette right now.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Crap, I might be a magnificent douchbag
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Dude just got dusted.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Take it easy! I thought you will give the dude an advice not crap all over him! Uncool bitch!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I don't know what's so hard for some dudes to understand: there is not a quota of platonic friendship points that you save up for a romantic relationship. Getting "friend-zoned" is what happens when you think that acting as a friend to a woman means that you Deserve her romantic interest, instead of either just BEING a friend, or showing romantic interest from the get-go. Have a little more respect.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    SOME OF YOUR GUY'S COMMENTS ARE KILLING ME. Her advice wasn't detailed enough? She cut straight to the chase! If you were looking for a step by step guide on how to approach a woman then you're worse off than you think. love your attitude Coquette, hope your life is goin' swell!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I'm speechless at this response. As far as I can tell from following this train of thought, that all men who act nice to women, are only doing so to get in their pants? Or (god forbid) it could be they just do not know how the best way to approach a woman romantically and are simply doing what they think would be the best natural response to gain female affection AKA being a Nice Guy. This dose not come from some sub-conscious plot that "if I be nice I'll get some" but instead is the natural reaction of any male who is attracted to a woman but doesn't have the social skills to know how to best approach the situation. All I can say to this, is someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed before writing this article and could use some looking in the mirror time before the judge every "Nice Guy" out there as douche-bags looking to manipulate women for sex....
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Spot on, awesome response!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Great answer, but too bad we've been through this a thousand times. I was hoping for something a little more non-standard. However, she's right. Stop being a pussy who's afraid of rejection and put yourself out there from the start. And if you don't care about her shoes, why the fuck are you talking about them? "I DON'T KNOW" or "WHO CARES" is more honest, at least coming from you.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Thank god someones finally telling the "nice" boys what's up. I was friends with a self-proclaimed nice boy for years. Everyone knew he was in love with me, but I never felt it. I decided to give it a shot, I immediately regretted it. When I informed him of my realization, he pretended like it was cool. But it wasn't, he promptly stopped all communication and fell of the planet. Nice guy my ass.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    This guy sounds like a raging douche based on his self-description. The coquette was right to cut him down and i'd say the callousness of her reply is salutary. She's giving this guy the harsh truth he needs to hear but has been shielding himself from with non confrontational niceness. He's young so i'm sure there's hope for him yet but any dude who feels entitled to sexual satisfaction can move to Saudi Arabia.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I don't feel the young man who wrote in necessarily felt entitled to sexual satisfaction. He simply is very likely a 21-year-old who (yes, Game devotees) lacks confidence and social adroit. Was he was wrong to employ the term "gay best friend?" Yes, because that's asinine. Nobody is going to make you gay. Or read Playboy. I'm a devoted Coquette fan, and just like all of us, we make flawed arguments. In the end, I think she's right, but I feel the meat of her attack was to simply hammer him for simply using that term in frustration.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Once again Coquette, thank you for dropping some knowledge.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I want a show of hands from everyone who knows that "Christopher" is a complete jackass!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Brilliant. So insightful, so well written. Thanks coketalk. Men, if you ever want a woman to actually respect you, cut this shit out.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    You're kind of just a huge bitch. You need to go to therapy or something.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Nice Guy Syndrome is definitely a real and serious problem but I don't know if that's really THIS guy's problem. I appreciate coquette taking the opportunity to address the whole Nice Guy Syndrome thing but you definitely jumped the gun here. And like everyone's been saying, valid points but you didn't give him real advice. You told him romantic relationships begin and progress differently, but what he needs is points on how to make sure that the relationship is progressing this way. In case the asker ever looks through these comments... Don't be afraid to let her see that you're interested! "Being friends first" is really a lie - as coquette said things are still progressing differently, you're just getting to the physical component slowly with girls who say that's what they want. It IS friendship - but you also have to include flirtation. Try to take small opportunities for physical contact, maybe let it linger a little more than necessary, to hint at being interested in physical relationship. Don't be creepy about it - I know that's vague but just try to be attuned to her reaction, it shouldn't be too difficult to tell if you need to back off. Compliment her. Not her shoes - unless they're sexy high heels or something. Compliment her in a way that indicates you're attracted to her, you think she's beautiful. There are many classy ways of doing this. Maybe once or twice let her see you check her out real quick - not ogling, staring at her breasts, or leering, but just checking her out real quick. Basically just don't hide the fact that you're interested in her. Try to relax and be natural and confident. And coquette's right - be a REAL friend to her, don't think it's some game where you get points and win sex. If you want to be with someone you have to care about them as well as want to have sex with them. And of course at some point you have to ASK. It's a little hard to make a claim about when the best time to do this is but you DO have to ASK at some point. Being mad about being "friendzoned" when you never asked a girl out is like being mad about not getting a job you never even applied for.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I think you need to buck up and stop thinking friendship is going to buy you vagina kudos points. You need to show you're interested by radiating positive wave-lengths of sexual attraction, not platonic patience. Women LOVE to talk, and anyone that hangs about to listen so patiently to lady-blah is immediately friend-zoned. In other words, listen to a woman but use your physicality to move conversations into intimacy. Look at a woman a certain way, put your hand on the small of her back, etc. things that demonstrate sexual interest.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    First of all this dude is not straight, if he starts out a sumbission comment to PLayboy explaining, how he is "straight as the day is long." He then repeatedly talks about listening about the cute shoes, or whatever. In my opinion this dude has some sort of confusion going on. Guys like myself have no problems being friends with girls. If you have a good friendship with a female friend, usually she will introduce you to her other female friends and put in a good word for you. If this friendship with the girl is platonic you should feel comfortable about it and realize that maybe she doesn't think of you that way, but she might have friends who do think of you that way ya dig. So my advice is to not sweat about the FRIEND ZONE, LET ALONE this dudes self PROCLAImed "Gay Friend Zone." I'm saying this from experience because I have two older sisters who I consider great friends. Since we are friends she has introduced me to her hot friends, which have lead to different styles of relationships, whether they were more friendships, or one-night stands or whatever. The most Alpha man thing you can do is see and evaluate when you know your just a friend and then put ur grunting pride away, and be like damn, that sucks, but you know what, there's other hotties out there.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    thats the problem with 'guys' they arent men!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Provides a little clarity and a bit entertaining, but not great advice
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    "They begin differently, they progress differently, and they sure as hell end differently." Answering at least the first two would have been way more helpful in answering this question, even if it did come from a douche bag. Thiis isnt really "advice" Its an angry tirade with frivolous profanity
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    OP, I'm so sorry you wasted your time writing to this fembot. Read "the game" by Neil Strauss and go from there.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Yeah Coquette was unnecessarily coarse with the guy, but it doesn't change the fact that he's still in the wrong. The dude obviously doesn't value his friendships with women because he automatically likens it to defeat. Instead of just telling the girls that he's not interested in just being friends and ending things right then and there, he decided to stick around with the hopes that they'll somehow realize how great he is because he's so good at pretending to care about their interests. If he's not interested in the crap they're talking about when they're friends, what exactly did he think they'd be talking about when they're a couple? That's something he needs to think about if he ever wants to get a girlfriend.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Yes, LW, god forbid a woman talk to you about her day, her shoes, and her problems without giving you sex in return!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Blunt advice, but it's the truth. Too many guys think getting a girl is about manipulation through "friendship", and tricking her into needing him around. You know what a real nice guy does? He let's the girl know his intentions and gives her an opening to pursue a relationship. If you don't like feeling like a gay best friend, that's your own problem. No one "does that" to you. I dig this column!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    It would be wonderful if the first five paragraphs wasted on invective were used to expound on the correct but not very detailed advice in the final two. I'm afraid the audience that most needs to read this will already be lost before they get to it.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    simple solution; do not act like a friend or a nice guy. just be you. be sincere. dont put up with shit hoping to get laid or get her as a gf. hell dont put up with shit period. she has gf's and bottles of vino for bitching when shit doesnt go her way. if you do; its your prob so stfu.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    damn, i love coketalk but this was kind of disappointing.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    dude the women that answered what a gay bestfriend too no gel dude an bring up hair and blow jobs have her run her hand threw you're's prove youre a good guy if you don't have to balls to talk about a blow job your gay
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Why are all the comments anonymous? They seem fake.
  • JOSEPH
    JOSEPH
    If you want her you have to be clear from the start and you have to show her that you aren't boring. So you start as friends, I can't think of a better way to show this girl how fun and interesting you are. Now if your talking about being one of those guys that girls will just bend over backwards to be with even if they the guy is an obvious douche bag then all I can say is be very very very good looking or have a lot of money.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Why is that naked woman sitting on the aardvarks nose?
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Isn't this an old question from Dear Coquette?
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Bravo. Thank you for writing out what I tell my male friends all the damn time.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Whoa. Calm the fuck down.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Dude's a gay man and is still deeply in the closet ... "cute shoes, gay friend syndrome, as the day is long". I've never had a problem being a friend to women, as the ones you're friends with introduce you to ones more suitable to who you are.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    After reading this and several of the responses I can't help but wonder how anyone would consider this to be advice.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Funny read, but there was no real advice here. Dude, if you're somehow able to see this... Grow some balls and figure out how to express(verbally or with body language) your interest in a woman-from day one. Obviously, don't reveal everything right away, but make your intent known without creeping them out. If they don't respond with shared interest, move on.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    hahahahahahaha, well she's right that nice guys really don't complain about their situation, because they are actually nice.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    nah this is all fair and good. Nice guy syndrome dissipates as you get older, trust me. You'll get that cock around the block before you know it. You dont have to be an alpha male, anyway. We evolved to be so complex that it becomes more than just raw reproductive blast, and you can woo a girl with intellect, juggling or cooking skills (never mind cocking skills). Or your accent. Anything goes. CUMSHOT
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    So far, the best thing on Playboy is this column. Can't wait for more. Also, I did not realize people actually use the term alpha and beta. Please stop.
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