's Picks 2012: Tirades

By Staff

Something about celebrities just inspires very public meltdowns. But it's always the best when they do it on purpose.

Every year about this time, lists recapping the year’s best whatever start to surface, and we’re telling you right now they’re all bogus, save ours.

Over the next few weeks,’s Picks 2012 will provide you with the year in review, from movies to music to viral trends, political and celebrity scandals and even ideas. We’re showcasing the year’s best across the board and on tap this week: The year in celebrity tirades. 

Check out’s Picks for Movies, Music, Top Viral Trends and Celebrity Scandals.

1. Lil Wayne Deposition

Anyone who has watched even one episode of The Wire knows that the best way to keep yourself out of trouble when being questioned by The Law is to sit down, shut up and don’t know nothing ’bout nothing. So kudos to Lil Wayne, I guess; he played his cards right. Only trouble is Weezy is the plaintiff in this case, meaning he’s suing someone (namely Quincy Jones, for character defamation, no less) so he has something to gain from being even mildly intelligible or cooperative. But never one to exhibit or abide by normative social behavior, Weezy slurs and yawns his way through this, barely remembering the last question, let alone anything that’s ever happened to him, and in short acts like a disinterested, self-aggrandizing rap star. Then, rather than show up in court (’cause God forbid a jury be subjected to or have to empathize with this statement to reach a verdict), Lil Wayne claims he was having “seizure-like symptoms,” doesn’t show, and this deposition is the only thing the court has to go on (including the part where he implicitly threatens his own attorney). Needless to say, Weezy lost; in fact, he was countersued and ordered to pay $2.2 million in damages.

Best Line:

Lawyer: Do you recall performing at the Virgin Mobile Music Festival in 2008?

Weezy: I don’t know. But I know I did perform at this BADASS bitch’s birthday party recently. She

was crazy, stupid thick.

2. Donald Trump Birther Nonsense

Donald Trump has destroyed many things: marriages (two), corporations (three Chapter 11s), a football league (the USFL) and the lives of several Scottish families (to build a golf course). But thankfully, his inquisition into the origins of President Barack Obama has thus far been fruitless. Trump’s Birther campaign started sometime in early 2011 and not surprisingly (considering the type of people populating the far Right these days) carried water, prompting several talking heads to actually question the citizenship of a sitting President. After months of demanding a look at Obama’s long form birth certificate, the White House reluctantly produced the document just to shut the loonies up (and ripped them for a full 11 minutes at last year’s Correspondents Dinner). But somehow unsatisfied, Trump turned up again in 2012 with the above Youtube video, withholding $5 million from that charity of Obama’s choice for his refusal to produce documents more conclusive than his long form birth certificate. Adding further intrigue to this story is a newspaper reporter who called up Trump Tower asking to see The Donald’s citizenship credentials and college transcripts and was told that the request was “stupid.”

Best Line:  “Someday those papers will come out, and people will say, ‘You know what? Donald Trump was right.’”

3. T. J. Lang’s Twitter Outburst

In a world where we more often than not quantify a person’s worth by the number of Facebook friends they have or retweets they get, T. J. Lang is king. His outburst following the Immaculate Reception stands as the most retweeted piece of internet profanity ever and sparked an internet revolution that seemingly turned the tide on the NFL’s referee lockout. But the best part of the whole rant was the tweet that came the morning after; where most athletes are required to censor their outbursts and apologize profusely for defaming the Almighty League, Lang simply said:

Then said:

4. Rick Perry’s Strong Commercial

No campaign commercial since Ronald Reagan’s “Be the Bear” has been more misunderstood than Rick Perry’s “Strong.” No, misunderstood is the wrong word. No campaign commercial since Ronald Reagan’s “Be the Bear” has been more misdirected and maddeningly incoherent than Rick Perry’s “Strong.” In one fell swoop the then Republican presidential hopeful incongruously slammed homosexuality while simultaneously questioning the separation of church and state; you know, that amendment that comes right before that other one, the gun one that Republicans love to misunderstand. Next he’ll be out questioning why we shouldn’t draw and quarter soldiers in peacetime (Third Amendment, misunderstood), and his party has already done a pretty good job of butchering the Fourth and Fifth Amendments (re: Unlawful search and seizure, due process and the Patriot Act). Doesn’t the Constitution hang somewhere in the House? Isn’t that required reading for public office? Can they take a few minutes out of spewing awful gibberish to read that over, or what?

Best Line: “As president, I’ll end Obama’s war on time travel religion.”


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