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Birds & Bullwhips: Slow Sex & The Female Orgasm
  • March 26, 2013 : 23:03
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The story starts like this: a Buddhist nun in training walks into a party and leaves after being enlightened by an orgasm. After achieving this moment of clarity, she changed her direction in life and founded OneTaste, a company with a mission to bring Orgasmic Meditation (OM) around the world.

But that happens later. Let’s go back to the party. “He said, ‘It’s a sexuality practice. You’ll take your pants off, you’ll lie down. It’s for 15 minutes. I’ll have all of my clothes on. You’re free to go when it’s done, and if you ever want me to do it again I will.’” Personally, if a man ever asked me if I wanted to be masturbated to the point of enlightenment, I would be a bit skeptical. But hey, Buddhist parties are notoriously pretty epic, so who am I to judge. Nicole Daedone took the path less traveled and said yes. And it was crazy.

“The wild thing was that I was lying there and I was in my head in the way that I always was around sexuality and I was thinking, ‘Is my stomach too poochy? Is this guy creepy? Are we going to get married? Are we going to have kids?’ And then suddenly I experienced this moment of clarity and connection unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. I had experienced it in sitting meditation, but I had never experienced it connected with another human being. And everything shifted in that moment. It was like there was a ceiling that had always driven me around sex, about where it could be, but it was the realization of that feeling. And then after that I thought, ‘Okay, I’ll do this. This is what I’m in for.’”

Some ten years later, Daedone is still representing the ultimate orgasm. “I practice, but I don’t practice as much as at the height of my training; I did a seven-year, very intensive program. I couldn’t practice as much as I practiced then and still be functional, but I still practice every single day. It’s the same way I do yoga.”

While OneTaste has been around for about ten years, it wasn’t until three years ago that people started to take an interest in the program. After doing a popularTED Talk and speaking at panels for tech meet-ups and medical communities, people’s initial reactions have changed drastically. “Something shifted about three years ago and now ‘Well, of course!’ has been the primary response I’ve been getting, when before it used to be ‘Oh. Wow.’ Followed by a really long silence.” Daedone also released a book entitled Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, which guides both men and women to slow down and connect emotionally to achieve authentic female sexual satisfaction.

So what exactly is Orgasmic Mediation? First of all, it’s a term coined by Daedone herself. The act is described as “a gateway to more vitality, connection and Turn On. It's deliberate and structured with repeatable results” on their OM site. While you have to pay about 50 bucks for a beginner’s kit, we can tell you that the practice takes about 15 minutes and it has to be done with two partners, which Daedone told us is essential to the practice. “An orgasm is our biological imperative towards connecting, and so this orgasm goes very deep in itself. You’re activating the involuntary system, and we can’t do that to ourselves in the same way we can’t tickle ourselves or give ourselves a deep massage. You can’t take yourself out of control.”

While there are still skeptics of the concept of OM, Daedone explained to me that there is a scientific side of the process that shares a lot of the same traits as Zen Buddhism. “Both of those practices deactivate the vigilance center, which is the part that always makes you feel as if there’s a problem that you can’t figure out what it is, and increase the capacity to feel. So when you have that combination it’s really powerful. The other element is that it’s very simple. Buddhism is very simple. You focus, and when you focus you have access to things that you otherwise don’t. There isn’t much of the Hallmark romance, it’s just a very simple practice and makes it incredibly potent.”


The act of OM doesn’t always have to be spiritual, either. Daedone is also utilizing the practice to strengthen the connection between couples that some lose as the years slip by. “We have this law of diminishing returns as a couple. You meet, you fall in love, you get married and you have kids and you never have sex again. And there’s a way that they’re doing it that doesn’t actually feel good; they do it out of obligation. So this takes all of that stuff off and just gets to the place where two human beings feel each other. And from there, in the same way where I have phase transition in my life, couples have a phase transition in their relationship in that it’s like it starts all over again. I just worked with a couple a few months ago that rocked me because they had been together for 30 years and they hadn’t touched in 17. They were sitting on the opposite sides of the sofa and both of them loved each other, and I completely believe they did, but they weren’t touching each other. So they slowly began to look back. And it was really simple things. I asked her, ‘When was the last time he touched you that it didn’t feel good?’ And she said, ‘Our wedding night. I never told him I didn’t like the way he touched me.’ So then I just slowly showed him, ‘No firmer than this, don’t touch her any firmer than this.’ And at one point he was just going to cry, ‘Why didn’t anyone ever tell me this? Everyone is just supposed to know how to do it but nobody does.’”

What’s even more surprising is that there are numerous women on her team that had never had an orgasm before they started practicing OM. “It’s funny because there are a lot of reporters that I work with, one in particular that I’m thinking of, she had never reached climax. And she had been agitated for the whole day she had been interviewing me. I thought, ‘God, does she hate me or what?’ And at the end she said, ‘Okay, I need to talk to you about something personal.’ And she ended up having her first experience in her entire life. It’s incredible to watch a woman go over that threshold.”

When it comes down to it, Daedone is just trying to thwart the throwaway mentality we have with the female orgasm and bring it to the forefront. “There’s an idea of pleasure and enjoyment [that people have]. Pleasure is something that you do that feels good but has diminishing returns, like drinking a beer or going on vacation. And this practice is something that can have accelerating returns for the rest of your life. I think that there’s a way that we look to the arena of orgasms; we think everything in that arena is just indulgent, sloppy pleasure and not that you can actually increase your self-awareness or deepen your connection with your partner or who you are in the world from actually connecting in that way. I think it sort of gets thrown in the indulgence bin.”

read more: Sex and Dating, sex advice, sex positions

8 comments

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    As a 48-year-old, sexually adventurous woman, I have explored almost all of the avenues available to me for sexual fulfillment. Or so I thought before I started to OM last August. I cannot believe how much more I have found just by focusing within myself! I was so busy looking for it elsewhere, I never truly took the time to get to know my own body and desire. It's a whole new world-- and a much more nourishing one.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    OM and OneTaste have changed my life completely. Where I used to be an attention-starved, repressed girl I am now a full, saturated, fully-expressed woman. I wouldn't have believed it unless I'd experienced it.
  • Blonde Artiste
    Blonde Artiste
    I thought I was an easily orgasmic woman. OM'ing just changed that up 15 notches!! And I've Juuussttt started! I think I've already ruined a very expensive mattress!! My advice...start OMing immedately and invest in a LOT of waterproof pads!!! Trust me...you'll need them!
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    For the original versions of this check out the Bodansky's Extended Massive Orgasm as well as the organization that teaches Deliberate Orgasm (where Daedone 'studied'). Both are a much broader approach with less cult-like dogma. Also note Daedone's connection to the cult of Vic Baranco and observe the quality of the people participating in their groups - lots of walking wounded. Good basic concept in an unfortunately cult like multi-level-ish format. Practice OM, but steer clear of OneTaste.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    I've been OMing for a year. With my girlfriend and we also OM with other people. It's been the most nourishing regular practice either of us have ever experienced. I often make the analogy of life like kayaking along in a stone bottom river (like in Missouri) and when you hit those shallow spots and have to scooch along to get through... but if you just had two inches of water you could flow right by. OMing is like that 2 inches of water. It just keeps everything in our lives flowing.
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    let if flow bother, let that river flow so low
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Female Orgasm is key to a great relationship! Having a practice and reliable techniques is essential. My partner and I have used the Deliberate Orgasm Technique for several years. I went from having orgasm once in a while to every single time! He loves how easy it is to give me exquisite pleasure every time. Having female orgasm every time totally changed our sex life and relationship. As far as this practice here, it is great. I read in the New York Time article that Nicole Daedone studied Deliberate Orgasm in an intensive immersion program with The Welcomed Consensus and changed it to Orgasmic Meditation to make it more marketable, how great that it is getting into the mainstream. When we first got started we took a sensuality retreat at The Welcomed Consensus and then continued with a welcomed coach who guided us until our sex life took off! Our favorite video to learn from home is The Technique of Peaking and Extended Orgasm it shows a woman being brought and maintained in orgasm for over 20 minutes. I think it is so great that more people are talking about ways to have female orgasm be experienced often with easy techniques and practice.
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