Debaucherous Father-Son Activities

By Tanner Cormier

Father's Day is on its way, so what better time to explore how a little father-son time can go horribly, horribly awry very, very quickly (in all the best ways).

The Father-Son relationship: that holiest of male bonds on which all friendships are based and through which generations of invaluable life lessons are passed. Both a mentor-mentee relationship and a strong friendship, we must strike a delicate balance as we draw a line between father and son, allowing each to indulge in his own world of vice without muddying the other’s waters.

But somewhere along the way the line blurs, and where does the path lead then? If life experience (and countless buddy comedies) has taught us anything, it’s that the path leads through a garden and straight to hell. Not religious hell, but the good hell where men can be men. Where booze, women and cigar smoke overlap in a debased blur of a night that no one fully remembers or wants to. Sometimes those blurry lines simply should not be crossed in the company of kin.

But if rules are made for breaking (and they are), then lines are made for crossing. And if you’re going to cross them, you might as well smash them and make a classic night of it. You probably don’t need any help achieving this, but just in case…

  1. First, you need to drink a lot.

Courtesy of waywuwei on Flickr

A joint like Brooklyn’s Bar4 is a good place to start. Fifteen dollars gets you an unlimited supply of PBR, that classic blue-collar brew, any day of the week. It’s quantity over quality on these occasions, so chug. Once you’re good and liquored up, move on before you start to pickle.

  1. You must also engage in some sort of seedy, underground blood sport. Since humans can consent to such activities, find a warehouse where dudes are beating each other to a bloody pulp.

FRIDAY NIGHT THROWDOWN from Scott Cramer on Vimeo.

In New York on a Friday night, put your ear to the pavement and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to find your way to Friday Night Throwdown, a potentially mythical Manhattan-based fight club where local boxers go toe-to-toe with, no shit, male models moonlighting in the ring. Maybe not so underground these days, since most major NYC publications have written about it, but Throwdown is nonetheless an exclusive engagement that never sticks to one warehouse location for too long. It’s near impossible to tell when or where it’ll happen next, but how good does betting on a Marky Mark lookalike beatdown sound right now?

3, 4 & 5. It’s important to stay legal, especially when the M.O. is debauchery, so let’s hop over to the Czech Republic where we have no idea what’s illegal, but we know one thing that isn’t: bawdy houses.

The mind might drift to Amsterdam’s famous red-light district, but our sources assure us Prague’s Club K5 Relax is the most comprehensive pleasure palace of its kind. Where else can a father and son eat like kings one minute, enjoy a dance (private or otherwise) the next, and then seal the deal in any number of themed rooms with lovely Czech ambassadors of their choosing. The website even advertises the opportunity to find a girl with whom you have “that spark.” Two words: customer service. And one more: twins?

Restore some of your dignity with a great Father’s Day present by checking out our No B.S. Father’s Day Gift Guide.


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