Gifts For Her That Benefit You

By Staff

It's okay to be selfish sometimes. And sometimes that time is Valentine's Day. Please yourself while pleasing her. Love is give and take. So take.

After years of gifting in one or several relationships, Valentine’s Day can cause something we call “selflessness fatigue.” It’s not easy to come up with a perfect, thoughtful gift that the lady in your life just won’t see coming. So this time, we’re taking Valentine’s Day back. This time, it’s for the guys, and we’ve curated a nifty little list of V-day gifts that are ostensibly for her but ultimately (and intentionally) benefit you. It’s a smoke and mirrors game, so get wise.


A little obvious, but with skilled selection and proper presentation, you can pass an expensive lingerie set off as a confidence-boosting, sexy signal-sending, lace-lined frame for your girl’s gorgeous body. And if you straddle the line between classy and raunchy with precision, once she’s got it on, you’ve got a naughty little gift you can unwrap yourself.

But don’t tell her that.

We suggest ass-less panties.

Gym Membership and a Wireless Activity Monitoring Wristband

So you care about her health! You want her to live forever with a healthy heart so she can use it to love you until death do you part. That, and the holiday season really took its toll and bikini weather’s just around the corner. The wristband will monitor distance traveled, heart rate and calories burnt so you can get a good feel for what kind of progress she’s making. Best part: sync it to your smartphone so you can monitor her ass from the comfort of your other girlfriend’s bed.

Sexy Surveillance Starts Now And there’s probably a Y where you live.

An Artistic Nude Photo Shoot

You love her so much, she’s more beautiful than the most precious piece of art in any museum. Put your money where your mouth is and show her by signing her up for a prepaid shoot with your local boudoir photographer so you can share your vision of her nubile body with the whole world.

She’ll love that.

We hear there’s a discount goods mega-chain that has after-hours specials.

Stand Mixer

Because muffins.

But also because it’s a generous and practical way to tell your girlfriend you love her baking, while securing a future wealth of muffins. And you can accessorize with meat grinder and sausage-making attachments, so now you know what to get her for your anniversary and Christmas. Sold.

Get Her Baked

Breast Implants

Valentine’s Day, more than anything, is a time to prove to your lover that you pay attention to her life; her wants, her needs, her self-conscious attempts to increase her bust line using various padded and inflatable bra accessories.

Take capitalism to the next level by making her dreams of having larger breasts come true while simultaneously making your dream of her having larger breasts come true! It’s a no-lose scenario!

Get Her Booked


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