How to Date a French Woman

By Selim Niederhoffer

<p>If you want to find a French lady to play with your baguette, follow these seven steps.</p>

“If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere…” Hell, yeah. Except Sinatra didn’t tell you the truth about girls. If you want a real challenge, try to date a French girl. Let’s be a little bit more accurate: try to date a Parisian girl.

I have been a dating coach in Paris for more than five years now, and here are a few tips I wanted to share with you before you approach a French girl and she tears you to pieces.

If you want her to play with your baguette, follow these steps:

What you need to know from the start: a girl from France and a girl from Paris are not one and the same. They are, in fact, hardly the same species. Even if most movies depicting the French are shot in Paris, do not presume the girl you will date is from Paris.

If she is a true Parisian, watch out! She has had the same crowd since she was a teenager and her clique knows everybody their age in town. Paris is a small world!

So infiltrating her inner circle will not be easy. All the pickup artist techniques will be useless if you don’t earn her friends’ trust. This is where you need to begin: you first need to identify who she’s hanging out with.

Is she partying with friends, coworkers, fellow students, a close group of girls? Whatever her circle, aim to woo them first; observe and get to know them and see how they behave when they are together.

Clichés and stereotypes are so powerful during a conversation, you would be a fool not to use them to get her to engage with you.

If you are American, she will definitely think you are using steroids, that you care only about your friends, your ride and your body (she is in love with Joseph Gordon-Levitt so she’s seen Don Jon).

What else will she think? That you are not a great reader, that you watch too much TV and that you suck at geography (because of all the CNN fails we see on Reddit!)

The good thing with clichés is that you can completely surprise her! If you think she’s the kind of girl who loves French poetry and New Wave filmmakers, show some interest and try to teach her some things she doesn’t know!

Prove her wrong: Be interesting, a perfect host if she is visiting your country! Show some love for Faulkner, Fitzgerald and Steinbeck. Talk about Hemingway and the Lost Generation. What about the Brat Pack? What are her feelings about Brett Easton Ellis? This will totally rock her world, because she could not foresee that you knew so much.

Brain over muscles! Brain and humor will always win the heart of a French girl.

Now that you are officially dating mademoiselle, you need to start figuring out how to make an impression.

It might be the first time she’s in your town. Everything that seems dull to you will be epic for her.

Even the supermarket is new for her—so many brands she’s never seen before. Dating a French girl in your homeland is like walking with a five-year-old in an amusement park! Take advantage of her discovering a new world.

Go the extra mile: Ask her if she can drive. You might be surprised. A lot of people in Paris do not have their driver’s licence, because they can take the metro or call a cab. Most of the Parisian girls you will meet between 18 and 25 don’t even know how to drive! Jump on this opportunity and offer to be her personal driving instructor!

Drive safe and buckle up; you don’t want any trouble from her lawyers!

If you are the one visiting France, then you need to be fully ready and willing to experience anything she suggests.

In this case, she will be your first Parisian tour guide, showing you “macarons,” the Opéra and some “bistros,“ little bars where people meet after work.

If you want to surprise her, familiarize yourself with French culture, perfumes, fashion designers, world-class chefs and their famous restaurants.

Read some local magazines and try to find some new restaurants to show your will to surprise her and prove that you understand the Parisian game (trying all the new restaurants is the new religion of French foodies).

This might be the most important thing to know if you’re planning on taking a French girl to dinner: do not even think of splitting the bill!

This is not because she is vain or because you are being a macho man, no. It is called “galanterie"—gallantry. A man needs to be able to pay for the first date. A friend from NYC always told me “Go big or go home!” when we went clubbing. You need not take money out of your 401(k) for her, but she will appreciate the gesture.

Beware, this paying for drinks or dinner does not mean you are trying to buy her into having sex, it means that you are enjoying the moment spent together.

But don’t worry. French girls are more level-headed than you think and they are more attracted by brains and wit than by the amount of money you make. Plus they often pay for the second date, so rest assured, it is a fair deal.

Once again, the odds are in your favor if you are trying to hit on her in the U.S.: French girls tend to look different because they have different idols.

Their role models? Iconic French movie stars like Brigitte Bardot, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Eva Green, Audrey Tautou and Marion Cotillard.

It’s okay to compare her beauty to the famous actresses or models, but it is even better if you can compliment her on her clothes, her style, the way she makes you laugh. Try to focus on the choices she makes (job, studies, hobbies) instead of merely seeing her body.

If you really want to make her laugh, tell her she is as classy as Nabilla (the French equivalent of Kim Kardashian). Watch out, she might try to slap you in the face.

If everything goes swimmingly with your newfound Frenchie friend, you might end up in bed on the first date, or even the very night you meet her. That’s because in France we don’t follow a strict process of three dates to go all the way. We don’t play baseball, so we do not count sex as first, second or third base…

From my experience, American girls tend to be very generous and offering blowjobs is normal… Do not, however, expect a French girl to do so right away. She’d much rather have sex than just suck your dick. And why not? She deserves her pleasure, too.

Another difference you might notice when you sleep with a French girl: they don’t behave like pornstars and are not as loud as the girls you usually have sex with.

Oh, one last thing: don’t expect to feel fake boobs! I know, it makes me sad, too…

Sélim, French dating coach for


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